Girls Seeking Gabber

One

2011-06-30T14:47:00.001-05:00

I turn one tomorrow. It doesn't seem possible to my mommies, but I suppose they just aren't down with the toddlerhood yet. Rumor has it that even though my birthday is tomorrow, my shindig has to wait until Sunday. I guess I can handle it as long as momma follows through and actually makes my cake. I think homemade carrot cake is worth the wait. I've never had it before, but something inside me says its going to be awesome. My friend Lily's mom and dad are making a keg of wheat beer for my party. I don't know what that is either, but I think my mommies were thrilled when they heard. My other friend Tom's dad is teaching my momma to smoke brisket on Saturday, and I know from experience it will be awesome. I wonder if momma is going to make some of my favorite pinto beans to...hint hint.

As my mommies have not updated here in ages, I thought I would let you know how much I've been kicking heiny and taking names is the new stuff category.

I crawl- and not the army crawl I started with, but more of a lightning fast, omgoodness where is he going crawl.
I can walk when I hold mommy or momma's hands or when I use my cart
I try to stand up on own and I'm slowly getting better at it. Momma says what is most important is for me to learn to fall on my heiny.
I have 6 teeth and choose to sharpen them not where the teething guards are on the crib, but everywhere else.
I have favorite books. To let my momma know, I bat at the book I don't like until she picks one of the ones I do.
I love water. I love it so much that when I'm not in the bathtub or the kid pool, I'm looking for the next person to take a shower so I can stick my head in.
I tried cat food for the first time the other day. Momma swiped it out of my mouth before I had a good opportunity to chew it. Meanie.

Just like last I broke into my mommies blogger account, I'm supposed to be taking a nap. I need to go before I'm caught.

Love,

Will

Day 3-Your first love (late)

2011-04-04T10:42:00.000-05:00

Day 3-Your first love (late)

My first love, any kind of love, was for books. I struggled with reading in Kindergarten and half of first grade. Then, a new boy came to school- Joey- who was so advanced in reading he received his own special reading group. I burned to my innermost core with jealousy and competition. From that moment on, I picked up every book in my mother's library, the local library, etc. As home life became rocky, they became my escape. Nancy Drew, the Bobbsey Twins, the Hardy Boys, the Boxcar Children and Louisa May Alcott were the first to empowered me. Beezus and Romona gave me a picture into average family life. The Master Puppeteer transported me to a distant land and time while Harriet the Spy and From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler sparked a need for adventure.

In 6th grade I went to an overly strict, evangelistic Christian school with a banned books list. Guess who made it her mission to read every one of them!

Later in middle school, I discovered Aldous Huxley, George Orwell, Margaret Atwood, Ray Bradbury, and J.D. Salinger. On the less cerebral front, I got caught up in John Grishim and Michael Crighton novels. In high school I found Sylvia Path, Kate Chopin, and Virginia Woolf. I would spend hours on a midnineties gurl site discussing feminist books and trying to discover what else I was missing.

From college until now, my love of books has not waned, but my time to lose myself in them has. Instead, I'm trying to cause my son to fall in love with books.

I turned 9 months old yesterday!

2011-04-02T15:46:00.000-05:00

I turned 9 months old yesterday and all my momma did was post a meme :cp;;;;. I will be staying up an extra hour and whining just for that!

As my momma was feeding me bananas this morning and my mommy was making funny faces, I was thinking about my favorite foods. I don't really like the foods momma makes and purees for me- I would rather have the "real food" my momma makes. I like spaghetti with carrots and cauliflower. I like roasted turnips with a little red chili. I like spaghetti squash with red chard and white beans. Momma and mommy think I'm a pretty weird kid. They do however totally understand when I want to eat breakfast with them- Greek yogurt with fresh strawberries and mango is THE BEST!

Ohohoh, and I need to tell you about my favorite stuff! I love love love to hop. Mommy put up this thing that hangs from a door way. They put me in it and I can jump and walk- and play with cool toys. I've also discovered grass. I like to grab it in fist fulls and act like I'm eating it. I thought it would have a better effect on momma, but every time I do it, she just tells mommy I'm getting my daily fiber- whatever that means!

I still refuse to crawl. Crawling isn't for the gilded aristocracy! Don't they know where I come from? I don't need to get my toys for myself- I have momma and mommy for that!

Ok, I have to sign off now, I think they snoring moms are waking up. I would be in SO much trouble if they knew I could type.

Until next time,
Will

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

2011-04-02T14:53:00.000-05:00

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

I've been blogging in some form or another since 1999, first with a good old fashioned html webpage and then with Live.journal. When we started the TTC process, I did insanely large amounts of research, and much of the research caused me to stumble on blog after blog of wonderful, honest, supportive and informative two mom conception or child rearing blogs. After taking so much information from these amazing women, I figured I needed to give back my synthesis and execution of said information for others to be able to find and use at will- and the blog was born. When it came to naming the blog, I came up with a name that basically projects myself onto our future kidlet- horrible I know, but it is what it is. I have always been a chatty cathy, hence, Girls seeking Gabber. Now that we have kidlet one, I keep planning to change over to Girls Got Gabber- but we'll be trying for number 2 next year, so...

Day 1- Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts

2011-04-01T15:14:00.000-05:00

My name is Meredith and I’m feisty, outspoken, and sarcastic. While I’m a corporate stooge by day, my most important jobs are as fiercely devoted wife to Janet and non birth giving mother grizzly to Will. While working, I’m also getting my MBA. I’ve been saying that for several years now, but I keep changing concentrations (now finance) and adding necessary classes. I adore adore adore business as a whole and its quirks. I’m the kind of person who walks into any place of business and automatically starts thinking about business strategy, operational costs, etc… I mentioned being a corporate stooge above- I try to make amends with the universe by being as granola crunchy as possible at home. We cloth diaper and baby wear. We try to compost as much as possible, and though lacking a green thumb, participate in a local CSA for organic and as local as possible fruits, vegetables milk, and meats. I over evangelize on all of the above, but luckily my friends still love me!

A Picture (I don't normally let people take pics of me- so I had to dig back to a Mardi Gras parade where others were taking random pics). Janet (my better half) is the other person waving.

15 interesting facts:

1. I write (as in with a pen or pencil) so rarely I sometimes I forget what my signature looks like.
2. I once competed in the little miss mullet festival pageant.
3. I have been described as having a laptop growing out of my hip.
4. I can stalk anything or anyone across the internet faster than some people blink, I should have been a PI!
5. I’m too lazy to have style- Its easiest to walk in a store, tell them how much I want to spend and how many outfits I want and have them bring stuff to me.
6. That said, I love a bargain. Goodwill, Salvation Army- particularly those near high brow neighborhoods- W00t!
7. I must always live in a house with a front porch.
8. We were late for our son’s birth.
9. I’m that creepy person that randomly smiles at you in the grocery aisle, especially if you are looking down or grimacing.
10. I get excited over nonstandard color schemes for Converse.
11. I was recently introduced to fried pickles and Indian Chinese Food- they are both new addictions.
12. I found out at age 27 I was adopted. Mostly over the issues, but they still come up occasionally- followed by a rant of some sort.
13. Most of my friends in High School lived in a town called Niceville, Florida. Niceville really exists.
14. I recently started running again but am experiencing a whole new set of discomforts. The weirdest and most impactful seems to be arch cramping. Who knew it was possible for an arch to cramp?
15. I knew I was going to marry and make babies with my wife after knowing her for three weeks.

April 30 day blogging challenge

2011-04-01T09:40:00.000-05:00

I’ve been such a horrible blogger so I’m going to dive in to the deep end and attempt the April 30 day challenge. I think I copied it from Jen and Tiff, who copied it from someone, who copied it from someone else. (If you know who started it and they want proper credit, let me know!)

The challenge goes like this:

Day 1- (April 1) Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts
Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Favorite memory
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture

Adoption Anger

2011-03-29T16:10:00.000-05:00

I’m struggling through adoption anger right now. My issue is predominantly around being unable to articulate why I’m so angry.

I’ve been seeing little things that set me off. The most recent was a blog of moms who are angry a birthmother chose to parent her child. Really? Angry that someone who had been moving in sync with a life, attached, inside for 40 weeks had second, third, 500th thoughts?

My anger is fragmented around things like my own situation and how I can’t define my own opinions about whether or not being raised around or by those with my DNA would have mattered. Perhaps that’s it. I no longer know how I feel about nature versus nurture and walk back and forth all the time. The idea of adding to our family not just the modernized old fashioned way, but through adoption is no longer a romantic notion- its one full of research showing how many adoption agencies pray on unsure mothers and use social class as a wedge of coercion.

I want my black and white feelings back. I want to be able to sympathize with blogs of mothers who after years of infertility are going the adoption route. I want to be able to leave supportive comments as they struggle with the process. I want to be excited when I get a call from my wife excitedly sharing that a friend of hers knows of an agency actively placing with lesbian couples. I want to stop hearing my mother say “you would have been aborted”, every time I think of home. I want to stop hearing my mother say “he’s cute, but not as cute as his cousin”, because my son doesn’t look like her family.

Someone please tell me the murkiness and echoes go away.

Great Expectations

2011-03-29T09:12:00.000-05:00

Janet and I have been talking a lot lately about our expectations of William as he grows into adulthood. Part of me always feels bad for having expectations. I know intellectually my son is his own being, meant to create his own path and ultimate destination- so perhaps, instead of phrasing them "our expectations of William", I should call them "traits we desperately hope we can impart to him". In that spirit:

Traits we desperately hope we can impart to him

1. Fearlessness- If something scares him, we want him to know how to address the fear, dissect it, and conquer it.

2. Protection- He should have an unshakable sense of right and wrong in the treatment of others. He should stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

3. Respect- He should know how to behave towards others, always keeping the golden rule in mind.

4. Self sufficiency- He should know how to do “stuff” and when he doesn’t, he should know how to locate resources to figure whatever out.

4 months

2010-11-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

Dear William,

You were four months old yesterday. In one breath it seems like we’ve been together forever and in another it seems like no time at all. During your appointment today, I couldn’t help but beam with pride as you showed off for Dr. Rogers. You two chatted like you had not spoken for ages. You’re starting to make not just one coo but a variety. You smiled and batted the eyelashes of your big blue eyes like a professional flirt. You also had to show how strong you were by grabbing Dr. R’s hands and shirt and pulling your neck up to the sky while on your tummy. While I already knew you could roll over, you almost did it for Dr. R.

Now for a little mushy stuff. I never thought I would be that mom. You know, the ones who have to leave parties early because they just cant bear to be away from their kids?. On Saturday, your mommy and I became those moms. You were scheduled to hang out with Marissa the super sitter from 7 to midnight so we could dance the night away at a Halloween party. About 9 your mommy and I looked at each other and both decided that we missed you too much to stay! All we wanted was to hang out with you and listen to you laugh and make funny faces. I believe that will be a common trend. Not only do we love every ounce of you, forever and ever, but think you’re pretty darn cool too!
Love,
Mommy

2010-10-22T10:48:00.000-05:00

My sister in law is having twins. We're invited to her showers and I'm at a loss as to what to buy. I know all of the things that have been most helpful to us thus far: Velcro swaddles, bouncy seats, high end baby swing, boob like bottles, quantities of clothing and swaddles that stretch my laundry intervals, etc. What I don't know is, what things might be uniquely helpful to parents of twins? She's registered for everything and the kitchen sink but it completely open to whatever she receives. HELP moms of multiples! I know you're out there!

Teething Mess

2010-10-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

Will is already teething- at 3 months! Holy buds!

He's been drooling up a storm- I had always wondered what those flimsy cotton bibs were for...and now I understand.

He's had been cranky or screaming each evening and for bouts in the morning. We were afraid he was getting sick or we had a late onset of colic. In a brief moment of desperation this morning I grabbed a teether from the refridgerator. I'm not sure I've ever seen his mood change so fast! Nom nom nom on the cold brought about an all out smile.

This.is.too.early.

Modern Art Diapers?

2010-10-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if I've ever fully conveyed my love of contemporary/modern art here. Our house is covered in works by Janet's amazing father, Bill- an engineer turned meditating monoprint artist. We spend time art show hopping in our hood and attending openings with Janet's parents. During Will's first 10 days of life, he attended Bill's gallery opening.

I also enjoy wearable art- I dig hand dyed stuff, funky t-shirts, scarves, etc. This is where art diapers enter in. BumGenius, the maker of BG 4.0's and Flip, just introduced Art prints. I'm in love. My prior review of the BG's- well, now they get extra points, big time. My kidlet, will now have wearable art in the form of the coolest diapers ever. I've gone out and purchased one of each.

:::continues to swoon:::

Cloth Diapers Rock: Daycare, 11 ish lbs

2010-09-29T20:01:00.000-05:00

In my prior cloth diaper post, I mentioned how One Size AIO/Pocket type diapers didn’t really fit Will when he was 0-10 lbs. Well my friends, they still aren’t the best. Will has some skinny legs. Janet and I rejoice over anything on his thigh that even slightly resembles a roll! You might ask, well, why are they using one size instead of sized? I know I could use sized, but both cost and hassle wise, that wouldn’t make sense either. I didn’t/don’t want to have to figure out what to do with a complete stash of x or y size every time he grows out of it. I might be making my way over to the dark side on a two size system though. What I didn’t mention in my prior post was how much I hated pocket diapers even before Will was born. Stuffing and remembering which insert goes with what diaper is annoying. You will see these themes in my reviews.

Onward to daycare info. When sending a kid to daycare in cloth, one must remember two key things: Always be grateful the daycare will use them and keep it VERY simple. Using these two principles I have two categories of diapers: Pre daycare and daycare.

Definitions:

Pre-daycare diaper: Right before we walk out the door, I put him in a diaper that is easy for the daycare to take off. These diapers usually have snaps that took me a minute or two to figure out when I first tested them on Will, so I wouldn’t want daycare to have to deal with them.

Daycare diapers: Diapers that are both easy to put on and take off, almost always Aplix/Velcro/hook & loop and occasionally the easiest of snaps.

My reviews of diapers of each category

Pre-Daycare Only Diapers

Fuzzibunz: Of all the pocket diapers, these have fit Will best all along thanks to the adjustable legs. It’s a pocket, so I still hate stuffing it, but it is easier to (un)stuff than most others. This is pre daycare only because the snaps aren’t particularly easy to deal with or adjust. These come in pretty nifty colors and have never leaked for us.

BumWear: These diapers are beautiful (batik prints!) and fit well! I hate to cover these up because they are so cute and incredibly soft on the inside. They aren’t the easiest to use due to lots of snaps and the stuffing is a pain, but they work really well. They roll down in the front for the newborn phase, snap down in the rise and have leg snaps so you can adjust the size of the leg. Along with the adjustable leg, they have an inner gusset that seems to be great at holding in infamous EBF poop and have never leaked

Pre-Daycare and Daycare Diapers:

Bumgenius 3.0 and 4.0: Super easy diaper with the aplix, pain to stuff, super absorbent, but occasionally leak around the legs. I hate the pastel colors.

Flips: This is an all in two diaper versus a pocket and isn’t a pain to (un)stuff by any means. It is essentially a snapping cover a BumGenius Sized soaker lays in. Like the BG, it’s been known to leak around the legs. This is one of the only snapping systems we send because the snaps are very basic to figure out (no overlaying). Theoretically, we could probably send extra soakers with this instead of more diapers because the cover wipes clean- but as it leaks around the legs, why bother. The colors available on these are a little nicer.

GroBaby: Another all in two. This one we had high hopes for as I adore the aplix/Velcro type stuff and the idea of being able to just change the soaker if it was a pee diaper. It is easy to snap in/out the soakers and thus you have to touch less pee/poop when washing. Unfortunately, we’ve yet to have a diaper where the pee or poop didn’t get on the cover. Apparently the GroVia’s have a layer of PUL now so you can wipe them off. They’ve also been known to leak around the legs.

Happy Heinys: See Bumgenius description. Two additional pros for these though: better colors and made in the U.S.

Kissaluvs Marvel One Sized All in One: Coolest diaper ever. This diaper has a soaker that’s attached. Instead of having to pull it out to wash, it flips out on its own. The only slight annoyance is having to flip it back in after it washes, but I’m more willing to do it because I didn’t have to figure out which soaker goes with it or put my hand in a dirty diaper to pull it out to wash. While it has snaps, they are easy to use. This diaper is sized generously and occasionally leaks around the legs. I think in a few pounds I will love this diaper. These get extra points for decent colors and being made in Texas.

Thirsties Duo Diaper size 1: These diapers make me want to cross over to the dark side. They are a two size diaper system: Size one is ~6 to 18 lbs and size 2 is 18+. I bought one on a whim because I love love love Thirsties Duo Diaper Covers. Not only are these easy to use just like the covers, but the diaper has an opening on each end, so you can throw the diaper into the wash and the insert agitates itself out! Thanks to the size 1 generally being cut trimmer and the adjustable rise, these always fit. They never leak thanks to the double gussets. They are also the trimmest of the bunch and work well under the G.ap jeans Grandma bought. These get extra points for colors and being made in the U.S.

All in all, I’m not ready to write off any of these diapers. For the reduced ick and work factor, I’m heavily leaning towards the Kissaluvs and Thirsties.

Packing the daycare bag
My bag always includes:

Two changes of clothes
Two Wetbags- one with 6 clean diapers, one empty and ready for clean diapers. I really really adore Planetwise zippered bags. I have 4 of those and 2 Thirsties mini duffels. I bought so many knowing that at some point I would get behind on laundry.

Feel free to share your experiences with me! Have I missed any of your favs?

Record Sealing?

2010-09-10T16:42:00.002-05:00

We’ve been working with an attorney in Austin via phone and email for our second parent adoption. The initial motion is in place, my fingerprints have been taken, and the social worker has been contacted. As the balls are in motion, I was sent a copy of the initial filing, a draft copy of what the judge will sign, etc. Both the initial filing and draft of what the judge will sign call for the records of the adoption to be sealed. As an adopted person who worked incredibly hard against my sealed records to find out about my background, my heart sank. I don’t want my son’s record sealed. There is NEVER a reason in existence to justify sealing an adoption record.

I have a call out to find out if we can have the clause changed or if it’s required. I really wish she would call me back because just thinking about it makes me angry.

Cloth Diapers Rock: The first 10 lbs

2010-09-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

I think I posted a long time ago in a far away place about our using cloth diapers. We were originally going to wait until Will hit the 10 lb mark. A horrible case of diaper rash, little clear mini marble things being left on Will’s parts from both Huggies and Pampers, and ill fits of aforementioned brands prompted us to start MUCH earlier. Because he was so little when he came home, we didn’t have a single AIO/Pocket diaper that would fit.

What did work:
• Osocozy unbleached cotton prefolds.
I purchased these gently used on a whim. In the infant size, they were pretty big, but I could just fold down the top a bit and not only did it fit well, he had more absorbency where he needed it. I found that while I could have just trifolded them in a cover, a well placed Snappi kept them nice and fitted around the legs.

• Thirsties covers
These are wonderful. Both the duo size 1 snapped down to its smallest setting and the XS worked like charms. The leg gussets really helped prevent any leaking/blow outs. Did I mention how great the colors are?

• Kissaluvs Fitted
We were given a bunch of size 1’s at a shower, and I could actually make them work. While looking around to buy more, I found out they make a size 0 specifically for newborns. Oh my gosh, they are the best things EVER. Super soft, super easy- I wish that I had started off with a full stash of Kissaluvs. Recently I'm on a kick to buy majority USA/Canada made and was thrilled to find out Kissaluvs are made in Texas. I ordered several seconds from their website and had a great experience- they even through in free wipes.

• Wool Covers
I bought a couple of hand knitted ones on Ebay. They were cute, had draw strings at the waste and never leaked. I recently washed them with Eucalan and found the process easy enough, but they definitely need another lanolizing session. Eucalan, even after soaking for 6 hours, didn’t leave enough lanolin in the wool to keep it from wicking. Lesson learned: Just use the instructions on DiaperPin instead of trying to do it the “easy” way.

Washing Routine: Easy peasy! I wash the pail when it looks like its halfish full. I do a warm rinse (in Texas, even our cold tap water is warm!), warm wash with Rockin Green’s Hard Rock (Also made in Texas), extra rinse (cold, warm, whatever), and then line dry. I'm tempted to try Crunchy Clean, another small US company, but, so far, if RnG works, I can' really justify switching.

Normally, I’m THRILLED with line drying. It’s a few minutes of peace in the sunshine every few mornings. This morning, it rained, I’m less thrilled. Two loads of diapers, wet bags, and wipes are now soaked because I thought the rain was showing up at 6 pm today instead of 6 am. Ugh.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, cloth wipes- best things ever! They are so much easier for cleaning up “messes” and I don’t have to have an extra trash can in Will’s room. I really really like the wipes I bought from Quilter’s Nappies. When I run out, I move on to baby washcloths. They work great as well. The official biggest waste of money ever? The Prince Lionheart Wipes Warmer. It molded my wipes! I kept thinking something smelled funny and low and behold, mildew. I’ve moved to just a Gladware container with wipes and diaper solution (water, tea tree oil, a little baby wash) and its working great.

Next up:
Cloth Diapers Rock: Going to Daycare!

Breathing is easier now.

2010-09-02T17:52:00.000-05:00

While I never got around to writing a birth story (it was a routine c-section without much to tell), some of it might end up being interspersed here.

Today was a big day for Will’s mommies. It was a big day, not because today was his two month checkup, not because the doctor swooned all over him, and not because he received his vaccinations- but because he’s made it out of the 5th percentile for weight.

When little Will was gestating, we never thought he was going to be big baby. Janet never really looked 40 weeks pregnant, no one ever joked that she was as big as a house- so I just assumed he was going to be a high 6, low 7 lb baby. Dr. Lo always seemed to be on the same path as well.

Fast forward to delivery day. When I was huddled at Janet’s face, waiting for them to bring him over from the initial check lungs/wrap in blanket stage of delivery, I couldn’t figure out why it felt like it was taking them forever. I looked to see the scale on the warming cart- 5lbs, 9.8ozs. “What the F$%%???” was the first thing that went through my head, immediately followed by, “Did we do something wrong?”. His vitals were fine, but it wasn’t my imagination, it was taking longer because they spent more time warming him. Holding tiny William for the first time, was akin to mortal fear combined with complete joy. Was he truly healthy, did he have an underlying condition, why is he latching on to my nose, he looks like a cute old man in a tiny body...all questions/thoughts streaming though my head. Dr. Lo tried to convince me that Will’s weight was at one time a normal baby weight. She’s right, but I still felt scared/worried, etc.

The next 2.5 days were spent with a two fold mission, stop his weight loss and keep him warm. He had problems latching- not with the will to latch- he came out rooting for the goods-but with the- my mom has big boobs and I have a small mouth- how do I make this work? The day before we were to leave, he had lost more than 10% of his birth weight, so we were handed formula to supplement. While Janet was working so hard at breastfeeding, we succumbed- as nice as they were at the hospital, we just wanted to be home. By Sunday, he had gained enough weight to be let out of jail. The weeks following release were filled with scales, weight checks, and visits to the lactation consultant. At his first non weight check pediatrician visit, he was 5th percentile for weight, and 50th for height- I don’t remember his head. We were highly encouraged to bring back a baby double his birth weight to his two month check up.

~2 months later, our little man, while not doubling his birth weight, is a happy 10lb 4oz boy and in the 25th percentile for weight. He’s happily hanging onto his 50th percentile for height, measuring in at 22.25 inches. I finally know his head measurement (why is that one so hard to remember?)- 15.25 inches, which places him in the 25th percentile as well.

Our little man will probably never have chunky thighs or baby rolls- but his mommies can now stop stressing out over him sleeping an extra hour here and there.

2010-08-24T11:04:00.000-05:00

Sir Cuteness. That is all

2010-07-16T14:04:00.000-05:00

I have no idea why I'm having such a hard time getting on here to blog but- I'm going to barrage you with pictures instead of an actual post.

Pics from this week coming soon!

We're off to Janet's two week followup.

He's Heeeeeeeeeeeeere!

2010-07-03T10:05:00.000-05:00

On 7/1/10 at 8:08 am, William Joseph was born by c-section (as planned). My beautiful son came out weighing 5 lbs, 9.8 ozs and measuring 19 3/4 inches. Janet is recovering fast and breastfeeding is going ok. I have no way to express the joy and euphoria over my incredible wife and new son. More later when we're home (and I'm working with more than an iPhone!

Belly Pics- last friday.

2010-06-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

I am slow getting this up. Below are Janet's 38 week belly pics!

Pics taken by iphone, so quality not super- but will do in a pinch!

What's in a name?

2010-06-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

When we decided to on a name for our baby boy, we wanted to name him for someone we admired. Without much thought, the first name we landed on was her brother's. We didn't think all the way through the implications to his future family. What if he had a son? One thing we really never thought about was- what if he had a son who wasn't named after him. Would that son wonder why his cousin was named after his father instead of him? I had never really thought through all of the "what's in a name" implications.

So now, we're trying to figure out what to do with our son's name. Our son's name had been a combination of both her brother's name and her father's name- two men we admire and hope our son will one day emulate. We could simply change the order of the names, we could change the names altogether. I'm just not sure. I've been calling my son by his original name since he was 18 weeks cooking. It feels odd to call him anything else. We will change his name- but for now, I'm mourning the loss of the original one.

2010-06-17T17:28:00.001-05:00

What could be smarter 2 weeks before the birth of your child than starting a kitchen renovation?

Thats right folks- here we are, with a c-section scheduled for 7/1 at 7:30 am- and a kitchen rehab starting. While it does sound dramatic, here's what we're doing:

Creating storage by enclosing this stupid bar area in the kitchen, making it functional. Right now the brilliant person who designed our kitchen put in a bar-bar is pushing it, really, its formica countertop supported by a ledge on the wall and a leg at the end.
Extending an existing hanging cabinet to include shelves for cookbooks.
Getting new countertops

I'm very sure the cabinetry will be taken care of by due date- its the countertops I'm worried about. Between cost, appearance and function, we still don't know what we want AND can afford. What I think we want is Silestone/Caesarstone/insert other quartz composite. What I think we can afford is granite, which I just don't generally like appearance wise, but seems to be less expensive in our 'hood. Outside of the whole decision making process, I've heard so many horror stories about countertop product not being available at the right time, installers having to do the job twice, taking forever, etc. Ugh.

Pictures/Plans forthcoming.

The Sperm-Donor Kids Are Not Really All Right

2010-06-15T10:09:00.001-05:00

The Sperm-Donor Kids Are Not Really All Right

I’m sure that most of you have read Slate’s article by now, so I won’t bore you with recapping, however I will bore you with my personal reactions.

My first feelings on this were best described as, oh just another crock of shit, right wing sponsored article. As I continued to read however, I thought about it from many angles. Having found out I was adopted only a year or so ago, I understand the plight of a person who wants to figure out their connection to the world. While I found my biological mother and have closure on that part of my lineage, I still wonder about my biological father. It isn’t a wonder that makes me feel disconnected from the world, just a wonder that causes me to think wow, there is someone out there that gave me this logical personality, dimples, and short stature- I wonder what he would be like to chat with at dinner? While I was on the frantic search to figure out if I “fit” better into my genetic family, I had angry feelings of “how dare I be deprived of information”, “I can’t believe that people don’t protect their genetics more”, “Adoption is wrong, genetics should be kept together”. I think this is far more a reflection of my mother never telling me the truth, never sharing what she knew and finding out on accident, more than my real feelings. I have nothing in common with my biological mother, I’m not more like her, she wouldn’t have been a good mother- and frankly, as crazy as I think my mother is-I’m so glad she raised me. My genetic mother gave my mother a gift and in return, my mother raised me to be a smart, confidant, self reliant person. I have almost a full picture and no longer feel any anger. The surveys I took regarding adoption when I found out about my adoption versus now would reflect very different results, and that just takes into account a year’s time.

This brings me to my feelings on sperm donation, egg donation, gamete adoption, etc. Based on my adoption experience, I absolutely know that my son will feel deprived of something at some point. I know that he will wonder where his comes from or yearn for a connection with his genetics. I hope by constantly being open and honest with him, sharing all the information we have, and providing him avenues to find out as much info as he can he will not be a negative statistic. I hope that he will feel connected to our family, embraced for who he is as a family member versus ½ of his genetic makeup. I hope that he will recognize we understand his need to connect to the broader world in some way. I also know every child’s personality is different. He may never think about it or have loyalty traits that prevent him from feeling like its ok to ask. He may be intensely curious and take the information we have and figure out who his father is. Really, with everything the cryobanks provide now, it wouldn’t be that hard to figure out who biological fathers are.

In conclusion, I can’t debase the feelings of those donor survey respondents, but I can say after I found out I was adopted, I sought out every survey I could to let the world know how pissed off I was. In my more calm state, I haven’t responded to any surveys, but if I did, the results would be very different. Do I think genetic connection is important to children- yes, so sperm donation, egg donation, adoption, etc all matter. However, I think when these things are open and honestly talked about within the family structure and not clouded with shame and secrecy, children fair better emotionally.

So there you have it, my 8th grade quality essay on the article.

Cranium Found!

2010-06-14T10:26:00.001-05:00

Janet’s OB appointment Friday involved an internal exam as well as the normal Doppler fun. She did her exam- cervix is still soft and closed, his head isn’t quite fully dropped yet (I think that’s the terminology?). After she was done and much to my surprise, Dr. Lo (the best OB EVER), offered me a pair of gloves and asked me if I wanted to feel my little boy’s head. Of course I said yes, gloved up, followed and instructions. Lo and behold, there was the most wonderful bump of a cranium. I know its crazy, but I’m totally in awe- I felt my little boy’s head- he’s really going to be here soon!

2010-06-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

Am I absolutely insane for wanting this diaper just because it will look terribly cute while little Andrew watches Gator Football with me on Saturdays?

Every time Nicki's Diaper's restocks, I'm just a little too slow to get one. Grrrrr.

On another note, I've ventured into wool soakers.

I picked these up on ebay last night.

From SweetandVicious

From KozyDesigns

Anyone else out there use wool at night? Know someone who has blogged about it?

Breast Feeding Class

2010-06-07T17:27:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, Janet and I made our way to the hospital where she will deliver for their breastfeeding class. The class was conducted by a Labor & Delivery Nurse/Certified Lactation Consultant.

The pro’s:

• She was great at pitching the benefits to baby and mom

• She tried her best to use both father and partner

• She gave easy to remember techniques for achieving good latch (Can you forget nose to nipple?)
The con:

• From the baby’s we were given to demonstrate the hold techniques to the videos we viewed, everything was VERY white and/or upper middle class targeted.

I have to admit, I’ve never spent much time thinking about the social politics of breastfeeding and baby nutrition. The only dad in the group was of Asian decent. As the practice baby was handed out, he made a comment similar to “What- no Asian eyes? This couldn’t be my baby.” While it was funny- it was also true. All of the practice babies were fair skinned with blue eyes. In a town like Dallas that is predominantly Hispanic, I was totally embarrassed at the lack of even practice dolls that were at least reflective a little diversity. Breast feeding is so important to the wellbeing of a child that we/hospitals/encouragers should bend over backwards to make families feel supported and embraced in the classes.

Next part of the con that made me wax a little more thoughtful: While we were there, sitting in front of the $150+ breast pumps required for working moms who want to breastfeed, I started thinking of all the WIC dollars I had seen spent at our local grocery stores on formula. I’d always been curious as to why these families would use their WIC money on formula when breast milk is free. While I can’t possibly know why families do what they do, I can make an educated guess that many of the mothers work. If they are working and on WIC, sinking over $100 into a breast pump so that they can work and breastfeed probably isn’t in the question. Also, a WIC mother working in an environment where she could take a break to pump is probably suspect. As I was typing this, Google rewarded me with WIC information. Apparently in Texas, there is a breast pump program. The program covers all sorts of pumps!

So, now I’m back to the whole WIC participant’s employers being less friendly to pumping. Texas has no law (at least per LLLI- I didn’t get farther than that in my research) mandating room for pumping or even time allowed for pumping. Working in big business, I know that my business is far more generous than Federal/State law, and a company’s policies are all that really matter. I know how large businesses with low wage workers can be convinced to allow/enable/encourage pumping- all it takes is a business case, i.e. lower rates of absenteeism due to child illness and lower turnover rates. It’s the small business/self employed case I can’t really think through. Those of you out there in small businesses or self employed: How would you craft a case?

Regression

2010-05-28T13:54:00.000-05:00

Normally I like the word regression. It inspires me to think of all kinds of fun statistics and math pleasure. Unfortunately, this is not the kind of regression I'm experiencing now.

Mr. Andrew is schedule to make his entrance by c-section on 6/30- and I'm completely useless. I can't make decisions. Example: I had to message a friend last night because I couldn't decide/know if onsies/footie pajamas/a partridge in a pear tree should be hung or folded. WHO CARES! I should have just made a decision and gone with it. I also find myself diapering teddy bears and researching things that aren't important in the scheme of things until I'm blue in the face. UGH.

Cloth Diapering Update

2010-05-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

So, we’re in for a run of cloth diapering. We’ve had amazing support from the ladies in blogworld and from our local mom’s group. We’ve had mommies and daddies go so far as to offer to walk us through a day of diaper washing. Pretty awesome advice was given and I feel VERY supported.

So far we are planning to use disposables until he’s >10 lbs so that we don’t have as many one size diaper fit problems. I think Janet also plans to use disposables if she’s out and about with the baby, but I’m leaning towards just learning to use the wet bag.
Diaper Stash so far:

6 GroBabys + 8 extra shells/soakers (4 gently used from Craigslist, 2 new, but discounted due to GroBaby becoming GroVia.
2 Flips + 6 inserts (Diapers.com did a 15% off with the code MAY15!)
3 Bumgenius 3.0 One Size (Gently Used)
2 FuzziBunz One Size (Gently Used)
2 Happy Heiny’s One Size (Gently Used)

Am I missing any that you absolutely love?

I’m also going to supplement the stash with some prefold and cover goodness. I found a local green diaper service that also sells intro sets for a reasonable price. Get this, the super nice lady who runs the service is even going to prep them for me!!! (The one thing of which I’m most fearful)

After practicing putting all the diapers above on various teddy bears last night, it seems that using prefolds and covers couldn’t be much more difficult. I haven’t diapered a baby in a LONG time, so I have a feeling many more teddy bear diaper sessions will be in order. I need to find out if I have any friends who have newborn size dolls…

So far, my favorite cloth diapering websites are:
DiaperPin: Holy Info Batman!
Nicki’s Diapers: Good prices and an outstanding gently used section
Cloth Diaper Outlet: Fast shipping, good sales
Craigslist

Nursery in progress part 2

2010-05-25T13:22:00.000-05:00

There are few things better in life than having smart and organized women take over for a weekend.

Before Janet's cousin and niece arrived our nursery looked like this:

We would walk in and just stare because we didn't even know where to start. We had been given so many awesome things by our coworkers- but where do you start organizing?

They got us rolling some basic organizational tips like- lets get all the clothes out of the bags and stack by size, lets group towels and bath stuff here, etc.

By the time they left, everything had a place and even pictures were up.

All we need now is a lamp for the rocker, floating shelfs behind the rocker, floating shelves to the left of the changer, and diaper pails. We not sure if we are going to leave the bean bag chair in, but if we don't, we have an empty corner.

Nursery in Progress

2010-05-05T09:51:00.000-05:00

So we've finally relieved Andrew's room of its previous toilet yellow coloring. The fresh white walls should do well with the bright art we have in stock. We're still trying to decide what color to paint the "accent wall".

So, what we have now:

Ikea dresser turned changing table:

Now I'm waiting for these to get here:

Other things we need to do include:

Finalize accent wall paint color (some form of green)
Get the curtains shortened- we're having about 2 feet taken out of the white part.

Put up art/prints
Find a mobile- seriously- I never thought mobile finding would be this hard. If you've seen fabulous and bright mobiles, or black and white mobiles- send me links!!!
Find an ottoman- also much harder than I thought- small room means small but functional ottoman. So far, this one is at the top of the list, primarily just because we haven't found anything else that size.

Oil in the Gulf leads to exploration of cloth diapering?

2010-05-04T10:28:00.001-05:00

I'm pissed/heartbroken about the oil in the gulf. I've irrationally been breaking down in the car every time NPR has an update on the situation. The beaches of the Florida panhandle, where I learned to swim, thought crabs were going to get my toes and escaped to as a teenager are at risk because of people like me...who often talk "green" and have generally "green" feelings- but don't act. We use plastics like there going out of style. I work 30 miles from home and yet talk up the need for walkable community. While Dallas has public transit, I've get to get on it. We thought about cloth diapering and then decided to use disposable, because its "too much work".

If I'm going to irrationally tear up in the car because my "happy place" is being threatened by oil- I might as well do one little thing to cut down on some environmental impact- so, we're back on a cloth diaper track.

So, for you cloth diapering mamas/dads out there, if both parents worked, how did you make it work? What did your diaper/wash schedule look like?

What diapers would you recommend for a boy?

What are the must have accessories?

Did you use a service? (I like the idea of water/washing economies of scale obtained through a green service).

General wisdom?

Goals- Becoming Andrew's Mom

2010-03-30T12:15:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I've gone from a 10 to a 14 in the time Janet and I have been together/married. I've always been a yo yo weight person and haven't ever worried to much about it, but over the past two years, its been an up up up, without in troughs in the graph.

Let me start with excuses first:
• After learning a little bit about my biological family, being chunky is in my DNA.
• I got a promotion at work, you know the kind where you job responsibilities and staff double, but you don't receive additional compensation because its a "growth opportunity"? With the new job, I'm spending way more time at work or at home after work. Add to that 3 graduate classes that are kicking my butt, and taking the hour out to go to the gym or go run just seems crazy.
• With my crazy/late nights during the week, the 7:30 am running class I signed up for on Saturday mornings- not happening.
• I'm tired. All the time. I've spend more on Starbucks this semester that I think I have in my entire life. Not in the morning- but on the drive to school or on my way home.

The rebuttal:

• I must combat the chunky or I will eventually become obese, increasing my risk for heart disease, diabetes, etc.
• This is only going to get harder when Andrew is born, so I should take control of my time while I have a chance. I need to learn to be more self motivated when it comes to my health
• I'm most likely tired because I'm not exercising and eating erratically and poorly. I should stop relying on caffeine and instead rely on the natural high from exercise. I've found that when I start working on a class case assignment after a run, my responses are far more creative.

The goals:
Get a physical. I haven't had one since I've learned more about my family history.

Take charge of my time. Relaxing on the couch will be far more pleasurable if I'm not thinking about all the things I should be doing instead. This means:

• Carving out 4 hours a week for exercise. If I have 16 hours per day to play with (24 hours in a day - 8 hours for sleep- best case), then 4 hours per week only takes up 3.6% of my week.
• Formalize school/study time. I'm horrible. I wait until the last minute to work on cases, sometimes using my theoretical lunch time at work to finish them. This is all while I probably wasted an hour at home watching the ever so craptastic CSI Miami. 4 hours on Sundays and 2 hours on Mondays should do the trick, so 6 hours per week? (5.4% of my week)
• Wife time. I'm terrible horrible about multitasking during my downtime with my love. I can't be a good mom if we don't have focused us time.

Focus on eating more deliberately. I eat out of need for emotional satisfaction, whether that be to relieve boredom, stress, whatever. This will never fully change, but I can be more mindful of it, and make some percentage of choices to satisfy my emotional need in some other way. This means:

• Refocusing behavior. If I find myself wandering for a snack at the office, ask myself the question, why are you doing this? Keep refillable bottles of water in my office fridge as a sidetrack device.

Chill out with the caffeine. Some is good, relying on it to get through an evening- perhaps not the best plan.

• I'm really not sure how to set this one up. I really have nothing left at the end of the day, especially if exercise is involved, so I'll have to address this later.

Baby wearers/Potential Baby wearers

2010-03-25T16:28:00.000-05:00

Ok people, I'm a discount baby site whore- and I need to share one of the deals with you baby wearing people.

http://www.babysteals.com/ has Organic Ergo's onsale for ~$70, shopping ~$10. The one that I just bought is $109 on amazon, so even after shipping, I just saved myself $29.

I still think I want to Moby wrap too- what do you all think?

2010-03-22T13:03:00.000-05:00

Bullets so that I can cover a whole bunch of ground and skip around.
• Baby Andrew has been cooking for over 25 weeks now
• I love love love to “palpate” Janet’s belly in an attempt to determine where his head, butt, spine are. So far its really just a bunch of guessing.

• He’s a decent boxer/kicker when he bothers to wake up.

• If you refuse the eye drops in the state of Texas is opens a case on you with the state. We will not be refusing as we have to worry about the second parent adoption. Those eye drops piss me off at the core.

• It snowed here on Saturday/Sunday. As I was driving home from picking up takeout, I was in awe of the moment. A year ago I would never have envisioned that I would be driving home in snow to my pregnant (and very beautiful) wife.

• We’ve finally started cleaning out Andrew’s nursery. For the past ~4 years, we’ve used his room as a big walk in closet, complete with dressers, ironing board, and full utilization of his walk in closet. Finding alternative places is proving to be rather difficult. I apparently have a large quantity of clothes, but nothing to wear.

• The reason I have nothing to wear- I keep gaining weight. When Janet and I met, I was a size 10. Now, I’m a 14. This does not make me happy. So, in the spirit of a few comments I’ve made on other blogs, today starts my NGM gets fit by baby boy’s birthday. So folks, that gives me a little over 3 months to do things that will make me better for our little boy. Specific goals to come.

• As an NGM (non gestational mother), I’m pretty shocked at how, so far, connected I feel to Janet’s whole pregnancy. I expected to experience some jealousy in the process, but so far, nothing. The feelings I can best enunciate are those of pride and intense, perhaps even fierce devotion.

• We’re obsessed with penguins at our house and last night I read, Your Personal Penguin to Janet’s belly.

• I’ve found the rug below on Craigslist and will go buy it tonight. I think it should go great with our generally bright theme.

One more survey

2010-03-15T17:42:00.002-05:00

I promise, just one more survey for you all and I'll post a real post:

If you are the primary buyer of cleaning products for your household, this is the survey for you!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RF7JXBL

Work and School are sucking up all of my free time!

2010-03-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

My Product Marketing class is doing project on eco friendly laundry detergent. The below survey (I promise it isn't a link to a spam bot, virus, or anything else), will help us with our data segmentation.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RQL89YQ

She finally let me take pictures!

2010-02-15T14:30:00.000-06:00

These my friends are pictures of my wife's most beautiful 20w1d belly.
Front view:

Side View:

Pregnant bellies are the coolest, most beautiful things ever!

In other news:

I finally found bright and happy crib sheets! Why are they so hard to find? Do all crib sheets really have to be in pastel? I ordered cornflower blue and true blue crib sheets (the only colors available) and a true red crib skirt. If anyone knows of places other than The C.ompany Store Kids to find bright baby stuff like this- I'm all eyes!
We had a great time going to an Andy Warhol opening on Saturday night with Janet's fabulous parents. I'm not a huge Warhol fan, but perhaps have softened my stance thanks to seeing his abstract pieces versus his silk screen and paint pieces.
Valentines day was great- we shared berry pancakes and then a potluck dinner with friends. I very much appreciate being in a relationship without need for pomp and circumstance but instead its about little constant gestures. One fun thing about this Valentine's day was daydreaming about helping Andrew write out his first V-day cards.

First Negative Reaction

2010-02-07T11:11:00.000-06:00

I tend to live my life in an up front sort of way. If you are going to talk about your family, I'm going to talk about mine, without regard to how it may be different than yours. Its led to fairly open and respectful relationships with everyone I choose to allow into my life.

We don't choose our family- and hence, when my sister found out we were expecting, 2nd hand accounts recount she went through the roof. She's a very conservative Christian Republican who lives in Alabama. Need I say more? I'm a bit unsettled- but then again, she didn't respond to our wedding invitation, so why would this be any different?

I truly shoudn't care. She and I didn't grow up together- she's more than 20 years my senior-we're not biologically related. I really don't want to care.

We're having an Andrew!

2010-02-05T11:12:00.000-06:00

Oh Yeah- we're having a baby boy! He'll be Andrew Wade- and I'm now having an amazing time visualizing our little boy.

As Growing up Clangley might say, bring on the tighty whities and cargo shorts!

On a side note, being able to see your baby's bones and vital organs is both the neatest thing ever and a bit disconcerting. Everything so far is right where it should be. I was also super impressed at how good the sonographer was at using easily understood terms such as thigh bone instead of femur.

I will be buying fun onsies at lunch!

We Heart G.AP Maternity

2010-02-04T16:23:00.000-06:00

So my beautiful wife (as was mentioned in my last post) is almost past the Bella/Be Band stage and into the maternity clothes. My dearest is not a fan of ruffles, bows, low cut, smocked, swirly/frilly print type clothes- leaving us rather baffled by most things at T.arget, M.otherhood, etc. G.ap Maternity has been our saving grace. They have normal button up work shirts AND pants in ankle length for her lower height (If I called her short she would kick my rear!). Today we ordered two more pairs of work pants, jeans and a plethora of shirts. I'm saying all of this as a lead in to our conversation.

I emailed her a confirmation of the order.

Her Reply: Do you think not eating out for 2 weeks with cover this?
My Response: Consider them your Valentines day gift?
Her Reply: No, we aren't spending money on Valentine's Day gifts. How about, "you are carrying my spawn and it is making you pee all night long" gift?

"you are carrying my spawn and it is making you pee all night long"- Quote of the Week!

One hot mama!

2010-02-04T13:34:00.000-06:00

My pregnant wife is hot. Hot, beautiful, glowing, radiating- all those and many more affectionate adjectives apply. Between being happily pregnant and in new maternity pants this morning- I couldn't help but stare.

2010-02-02T18:14:00.000-06:00

Oh hand-me-downs- how I love the. You’re good for the environment, good for our wallets, and good for our friends’ closets/space.

I mentioned in my last post that we had been gifted a breast pump- now, out of the blue, a friend of a friend is offering us a 3 month old baby swing and some gender neutral onsies.

I’ve fully read the warnings and admonishments on Consumer Reports about used/hand me down cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. Yes, I understand wanting to be as safe as possible, but I refuse to be an alarmist. On the side of safety and statistics, we bought a new car seat system. On the other hand, we bought a used crib from Craigslist. It’s a P.ottery B.arn, not recalled, and according to the person we purchased it from, never slept in because her son wouldn’t get out of their bed. Our rocker is also from Craigslist. We could never have afforded to buy the crib or rocker at their lists prices. Just thinking about the money not spent makes me smile. Butterbean needs a college education!

A friend mentioned having a shower for us. In passing I said that it would be great it anyone who wanted to shopped thrift/2nd hand. I got the funniest face. Oh well, a few people in the room understood.

The next thing I’m going to start perusing for are book sales. Other than baby wearing, the thing that I look forward to most about motherhood is story time. I’ve been checking Half-Price books here for used hardback Caldecott winners, but all they seem to have are the soft covers. I may resort to half.com but I would rather discover the used gems locally.

I should probably worry more about getting a mattress for the crib than books right now- but books are so much more fun.

Ohohoh, and in other news- thanks my boss booking an operations review on top of Janet’s previously scheduled sonogram time, guess who gets to see Butterbean this Friday instead- Ohhhh yeah, that would be us!

Boy or Girl Countdown

2010-01-31T21:41:00.000-06:00

15 days until we find out if we are having a boy or girl.

Based on heartbeat, Dr. thinks...Boy

Intelligender, purchased on a whim says...Boy

Actual measured heart rates indicate...Girl

We were hoping for...a baby with a functioning brain and body.

Regardless of s.ex, butterbean and any future siblings will be raised to with the same concepts of self reliance, respect, perseverance, and love. At first, I thought I had preferences- but really- no matter what, we will tailor anything we do to our specific child. I think that’s why having a gender neutral, fun nursery is so important to me...I want to find out who my child is versus telling them who I think they are. I know, in infancy, they really have no idea anyway, but it’s symbolic of what kind of parent I would like to be.

All of that being said- after our gender revealing sonogram, we will not pass go, will not collect $200-until something boy or girl specific has been purchased (but I'm going to try my hardest to ensure it isn't pink or blue!).

On a totally different note- we are getting a br.east pump for free! I think its the Medela Pump In Style. Preliminary research makes it sound like a pretty good one. Janet will have to use it when she goes back to work. Any thoughts?

Morning giggle

2010-01-22T09:44:00.000-06:00

Scenario: Janet walks into the bedroom while getting ready, laments how large her breasts have become.

Me: What can I do to make you feel beautiful?
Her: Buy me pizza for dinner.

Girls Roadtrip Extraordinaire

2010-01-13T14:13:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, my dear friend Mariko and I will embark on a 5 day trip to the Florida Panhandle and back. While I’m a bit disappointed that Janet won’t be joining, this will be a girls road trip extraordinaire, featuring a night in New Orleans and 3 days of music goodness at the 30A Songwriters Festival.

View Larger Map

I’m completely thrilled. In true lesbian stereotype, I’m a swooning fan of the Indigo Girls and most specifically Amy Ray. The music festival appears to be a potpourri of artists, playing in jam sessions at bars along the beach. Friday night my favorite bar, the Red Bar, will host a session with Emily Saliers, Rodney Crowell, Chely Wright, and Gary Louris. I’m not familiar with all of those people, but if their jamming with Emily, how bad could it be? Amy Ray’s playing in a Jam session on Saturday nights, and then there is a general admission, open air Indigo Girls concert on Sunday Morning. I can’t wait to go from bar to bar looking for the best sounds- hopefully I’ll come home with 10 new to me artists to add to my ipod playlist.

I haven’t ever really been “home” as a tourist. It will be interesting to take a friend. Luckily she’s from Arkansas- so she’ll "get" the whole rural meets beach thing. While I can remember some of my favorite hang outs, after living elsewhere for so many years, things start to get a bit hazy. I’m pretty sure I can still navigate the area, but I know I’ll be shocked my how much things have grown. Getting to all of the jam sessions while also figuring what old haunts to visit is going to be hard. Did I mention that we’re going to get to hang out with one of my best friends from high school who I haven’t seen in ages?

Hopefully this will be a trip for new awesome memories with just a smattering of reliving old. I respect the past, but find the present to be so much more rewarding.

Pictures and road trip fun details to follow!

Faith/Religion

2010-01-11T11:01:00.001-06:00

I think this is going to be a day full of blog posts because I’ve been queuing them in my mind.

Janet’s pregnancy has made feel the need to reconnect with my religious past. At this time, I have about the faith of a mustard seed, but have reconciled my small amount of faith with Christianity in general. I truly enjoy the traditions/liturgy of church as well as theology. If I’m going to believe in something, I want to think about it intellectually as well. I think our child should have a foundation in Christianity and have the same ability to accept/reject the principles and teachings as an adult as I have. Luckily, though agnostic, Janet will support Butterbean going to church as long as she only has to go when Butterbean is in a performance and can otherwise stay home and make breakfast/lunch/brunch for when we get home.

I’ve tried out several churches in the area, from the totally open and affirming MCC’s, to the accepting Methodist church that is nearby. I don’t feel comfortable in the MCC’s because:

a. I can’t say that I need that level of affirmation every Sunday that God accepts me as I am. I already get that.

b. I want Butterbean to be exposed to the average family mix in church. If Butterbean sees his or her parents accepted in church just like every other family, I think it sends a stronger message of equality than if he/she sees them only in reference to other LGBT families.

c. Selfishly, I just don’t get much out of them. I know church is a give take thing, but I want to leave on Sunday noodling over something in my head, challenging myself over something.

The Methodist church nearby is pretty perfect as it is open and affirming, the minister is great, and its in our neighborhood, so Butterbean will be in Sunday School, youth group, choir, with people he/she already goes to school with.

However, when talking to some close friends, I brought up that I was thinking of going to the Methodist church even though I had grown up a die hard Presbyterian. There aren’t any active Presbyterian churches in our general neighborhood. Close friend brought up that most Presbyterian families in our ‘hood go to church downtown. My brain started processing. Downtown is really only 10 or so minutes away. Initial research shows that the church has some amazing programs for the homeless. What initial research did not show is how said church felt about LGBT inclusion. Being the pre-emptive strike person that I am, I drafted a wee little email to the head pastor.

Dr. XXXXX,

Before my questions, I'll provide a little background. I am a lesbian. My partner and I were married in Canada two years ago. My partner is expecting our first child. While my partner is essentially agnostic, I established my theological base in the conservative PCA and EPC churches. After "coming out" and becoming more comfortable with my role in Christianity, I started attending Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) but stopped once I moved to Dallas.

Now we have a child on the way and I feel strongly about our child being brought up in church. To this end, I've started trying out churches. I've focused on those that I knew were open and affirming- UMC, MCC, MCC, etc. The more I attend various churches, the more I desire to resume the faith traditions of my youth and also to know that our child will be raised in those traditions. The simple solution seems to be to try out *downtown* church. However, I don't necessarily want to knock on a door where I'm not welcome.

My questions:

Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?

When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?

Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?

Your feedback is most appreciated.

Respectfully,

Meredith XXXX

Less than 24 hours later, I had a response:

Thank you for your e-mail, Meredith. Congratulations on your “child on the way!” I would love the opportunity to meet with you to talk about your questions face to face. Let me give you a brief response via e-mail, and if you’d like to talk further, we certainly can:

Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?

Our congregation has made no formal statements that would allow me to say we are “open and affirming.” We have an incredibly diverse congregation, from openly gay and lesbian people to people who are still upset about the ordination of women. This diversity reflects the diversity of our denomination. We have openly gay leaders who serve in elected positions. We also have conservative leaders who serve in elected positions. Having said that, I would conclude we are an open congregation with people who would be affirming and with people who would not be. I would also want to introduce you to people who are gay and lesbian in our church and invite you to pose your questions to them. They would be in a far better place to discuss the nature of our congregation’s welcome than I . Personally, I am for the full inclusion of gays and lesbians in the life of the church and society. I have voted accordingly on every vote to come to the denomination on the issue since my ordination. I speak openly about my opinion. However, our denominational policies are not yet welcoming and affirming. Historically, the denomination’s policies have articulated a position that homosexuality is not consistent with God’s plan for creation, but that the church should advocate for the civil rights of all people, including gays and lesbians. I’m embarrassed to tell you that, but it’s where the denomination is, and I want to be honest with you.

When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?
I would absolutely support that request. Our Session approves all baptisms, and my guess is that the Session would approve that request. Baptism is about God’s claim on your child’s life, not about the sexual orientation of the parents. Even those who are not welcoming and affirming would have to concede that fact.

Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?
I would certainly hope so. While we have a number of gay and lesbian members, I don’t believe any of them have children in the children’s programs, so I can’t speak from experience.

I wish I could offer resounding YESES! to each of your questions, Meredith, but to do so would be dishonest. Our congregation is a wonderful church. Our diversity politically, theologically, and socio-economically is part of what makes our church who we are—a church that strives to be welcoming to all, gay and straight, democrats and republicans, liberals and conservatives. This diversity prevents us from aligning ourselves with any particular “side” in the debates, which is frustrating for those who want us to take a side. This is true for most “First Church’s” in most cities. As the church’s pastor, my position has been to make my opinions on the issue known, but to not ask the church to take any official positions that reflect my personal convictions. That’s the most honest answer I can give.

There are “More Light” congregations in Dallas, churches that have officially defined themselves as welcoming and affirming. I believe St. Andrew’s Presbyterian on Skillman is one such congregation. I’m sure there are others. I know there are a number of pastors who share my convictions and whose congregation’s are as diverse as ours.

I pray the Spirit will give you and your partner clarity as you discern where God is calling you to go to live out your life of discipleship and to nurture your child in the faith. Again, I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss this face to face.

Grace and peace,

XXX

I was impressed with his responses and look forward to trying out the church! So a question to the blog world. If you were looking for religious inclusion of your family, what methods did you use to test the waters?

Baby Crap 1.1

2010-01-11T10:11:00.000-06:00

Weird/icky search query used to reach our blog this week:

“Pictures_of_girls_pulling_down_there_shirts_and_breast_feeding”

Dear Perves,

If you’re going to be a perve, at least be a perve with grammar please.

Kindest Regards,

There is no perve worthy stuff in this blog

In other news, we bought a fabulous, comfortable C&B rocker from Craigslist on Saturday.
Picture from listing:

While it isn’t a particularly cool color, it did come with a durable slip cover and really, neutral goes with everything. As a color related aside, I’m in love with Amy and Melissa’s orange curtains!

In other consumeristic behavior, I broke down and bought a stroller/car seat combo.

Background:

The Chicco KeyFit had been recommended to us by several friends. I initially balked thinking really, do we need a stroller in the beginning? We’re going to be baby wearers, strollers are annoying, etc. After testing out the stroller in BBB, noticing that without instructions I could figure out how to work the stroller/car seat thingy combo, and noticing how smooth the motion of the stroller was, I was in.

BBB price for Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle: $329
Amazon gift cards available to me due to work awards: $500
Price of Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle on Amazon: $245 + 9.99 shipping
Stroller/Car seat for first year: Free

The set arrived on Saturday and is now waiting patiently in our dining room.

Baby Crap part I

2010-01-04T23:02:00.000-06:00

All that cute stuff associated with babies and baby life is now affectionately known is our house as baby crap. After looking at said baby crap for several many hours with my wife and most wonderful mother in law- I'm baby crap crazy. The Ikea crib I thought was for us- yeah, lackluster in the store.

Here's the deal- our house is a 1914 Craftsman and is all of 1271 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath. Our taste is eclectic- modern meets turn of the century antiques and crazy artwork and brightly colored walls. Our nursery *hopefully* will keep with that theme, hence the original affinity for the bright blue smallish Ikea crib. All of the furniture in the nursery is going to have to be on the smallish side, otherwise the room is going to look like a storage closet that happens to house a baby. All those 4 in 1 cribs- way to big, particularly when Janet and I have fallen in love with this rocker/glider thing at Crate & Barrel.

Our logic for spending way more than we thought we would on it is that it coordinates with our current sofa and technically can easily go from baby room to living room. The slipcover is also washable... On the other hand, while I left this post for a few minutes, Janet and I looked at each other and came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell we should be spending that much money on a chair unless we would have bought it for the living room anyway- which we probably wouldn't. Back to Craigslist I go. I just really am not a fan of those gliders they sell and have on display at BRU and BBB.

We're still thinking that an antique dresser will be used for the changing table, but now we're thinking that the one currently in the room is too bulky. We may be able to switch dressers out between our guest rooms...

Back to the crib. The other crib we all liked at Buy Buy Baby was $200 more than the Ikea Crib. Like the Ikea crib, it converts to a toddler bed and mini daybed. I think we all liked it best because it has some Arts & Crafts period details.

Since we won't be spending $1,400 on a glider and ottoman, I guess $200 more on the crib isn't so bad eh?
After looking at cribs we looked at strollers. Those are another thing that sends my head spinning. The idea of being one of *those* moms at the mall- you all know the one I'm talking about- the one with the stroller that takes up 1/2 of the walking space and looks like they had to take the house with them just to go out for an hour- makes me gag a little.

So, for a later post, my thoughts on strollers and the racket that generally is Baby Crap.

Oddities of being the "non gestational mother"

2010-01-01T21:27:00.000-06:00

I'm a Florida Alum and thus bleed Orange and Blue. I know enough about football to not appear totally ignorant- but I still can't get THAT into football. The game is on and what am I doing?..blogging about a few observations of being the non gestational mother (NGM) and genetic mother (GnM). (still, I'll throw in- GO GATOR's!)

As the NGM/GnM below are bulleted feelings/mixed emotions:

• Janet opening the door for me is now a bit disconcerting. We've always done this for each other- as gestures of kindness and romance. Now that she is pregnant, her opening the door for me feels weird, like I'm not living up to my proper role.

• I use "our" too much, as if forcing myself into the connection: our OB appointment, our sonogram, our nursery. I know that this is primarily Janet's experience, and she's one helluva trooper, but for some reason this is my verbal way of staying part of it.

• I have an internal need to tell everyone that I donated genetic material for this pregnancy. I typically restrain myself- but I have a deep seeded need to proclaim "this is my baby too!".

Hopefully Janet will post about her feelings about the being the gestational mother, non genetic mother. We had an interesting sharing conversation about bullet three this afternoon.

The much belated sonogram post

2009-12-31T12:05:00.000-06:00

First of all, happy belated holidays and happy new years eve! I hope you all found joy in your personal celebrations and time with friends and family.

Our family celebrations were wonderful! We spend time with Janet's family Christmas Eve (think steak and crab leg dinner!), stay overnight, and gourge ourselves on mimosas/oj/coffee, stocking gifts, breakfast, gifts, and dinner. Janet's family is full of rituals that I've truly come to appreciate. This Christmas I couldn't help but daydream a little bit about what having an ~6 month old baby will be like next year.

Now to the REALLY good stuff:

On 12/22 (12 weeks, 6 days), Janet had a beautiful sonogram/nuchal scan. Butterbean is looking good in there. Measurements were on track (12.4 weeks), heartbeat was good (162 bpm) and mother was gauged healthy!

Peek-chures (for those on facebook, sorry for the spam)

Is there really anything as cool as being able to see a baby nose?

Bullet-y Updates

2009-12-17T11:29:00.000-06:00

This will be a bullet-y sort of post, mainly because it’s been so long since I’ve updated, if I don’t do it this way, it could be the post that never ends.

The highlights and other random thoughts:

• Thanksgiving was wonderful. My mother in law makes the best gravy EVER.

• Janet’s first OB appointment was 12/1 and we love love love Dr. Lo and her nurse.

• Janet had a little bleeding scare the day after her first appointment, called in, and received sonogram. It turned out that all was well and we got a new picture of Butter Bean.

• Dr. Lo asked Janet if I would want to breastfeed as well. I’m still struggling through how I feel about it and waffling back and forth.

• I think we have a nursery theme: Dr. Seuss- All the Places You Will Go. Anything we do will be very loosely based on the theme, but something is better than nothing! (We/I really just want super bright and happy colors- I LOVE this IKEA crib)

• We bought a new fake/faux fabulous Christmas tree. We looked in what felt like 20 stores and finally found it at the decorators warehouse place that looked as if Christmas has exploded all over the store. The tree has now been assembled and decorated and the rest of the house has spirit to match.
Nekkid Tree:

Decked Tree:

• Finals are finally over. This semester was a total beating. I ended up leading and doing most of the group projects for both classes- I need to figure out how to not let that happen again next semester.

• Our house’s exterior is finally completely repainted after having been stood up by another painter who left the house 2/3s scraped and primed (and took our money).

• Our Christmas party is Saturday. Supposedly 50 people are coming to our little 1271 sq ft house- its always so much fun, but I turn into a total basket case the morning before. I’m lucky in that my best friend lends me her kitchen and bakes cookies with me the day before (tomorrow), and helps keep me sane with food warmers and general calming. Janet took the day off today to do party prep stuff. I think 6 bundles of pinon wood and a trip to the dry cleaners is in her future.

• Indigestion is hitting Janet hard. Any recommendations other than Tums are greatly appreciated.

• Janet’s boobs have become absolutely huge and required new support. A trip to the bra fitter helped greatly.

• Janet’s next appointment with Dr. Lo is next Tuesday, 12/22. They will be doing the head to toe exam and I think the nuchal scan. After that sono I think I’ll post the side by sides of our 8, 10, and almost 13 week pictures.

• All Christmas shopping is complete. For each other Janet and I are doing the 4 gift thing talked about originally in this blog.

• I’m trying to find a church home. I grew up Presbyterian and want Butter Bean to have a religious upbringing. I think I’ve settled on Kessler Park United Methodist Church- but might still try out a few more.

Whoo Hoo!

2009-11-19T18:48:00.003-06:00

We had our first sonogram yesterday and got to see our baby and hear the heartbeat! It was 153 and according to our doctor they want it to be between 140 and 160 at this stage. We are so proud of our little butter bean!

We have now officially graduated from the fertility center and are ready for the obgyn. No paper or diploma, but 3 lovely shots of what will eventually be our favorite live-in!

Thanks for all of your well wishes, we are doing great!

Homesick

2009-11-12T17:28:00.001-06:00

Homesick.
That’s what I’m feeling today. I had two main triggers. A high school friend in Tampa mentioned that his wife had just made him collard greens- gag if you want to, but they are one of my favorite things on earth. The second trigger was this morning. I go to a personal trainer once a week because I can’t seem to motivate myself to exercise otherwise. She mentioned someone that we mutually know who was watching the Alabama game last Sunday. As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in the panhandle of Florida, lovingly known as LA… lower Alabama. Where I grew up, you were one of 4 things. A ‘Nole fan, a Gator fan, an Auburn fan, or a ‘Bama fan. It didn’t matter if you or anyone in your family had actually gone to any of the referenced schools- but you were one of them. I don’t particularly love football- but it still gives me the feeling of home. When the SEC is playing on TV- I start to crave boiled peanuts, cheap beer, and Southern drawls. I miss going to church on Sunday morning and discussing the scores/plays of the prior nights Gator game (my alma mater). I miss the smell of saltwater and swamp- but now, writing this post, I think I am troubled that our future child will probably never know those smells, tastes, and rituals. I’m not saying that Texas won’t have it’s own- but I won’t share those experiences with our child.
What are your thoughts? How did/will you feel if you are raising a child outside of the comforts and rituals of where you were raised?

What kind of mother do you want to be?

2009-11-10T17:38:00.000-06:00

What are we thinking about right now, in early pregnancy was the umbrella question from Heather…

As the non birthing mom and lacking the focus on my own body changes/new sensations/etc, most of my thoughts- walking down the aisle of the grocery store, drifting off to sleep, driving to work- are all around what kind of mom do I want to be?

I think about my mother, I think about the “village” of women who raised me, I think about my friends around me who I’ve watched mother and I contemplate. Based on my observations and experiences, what are my own guiding principles of motherhood?
My observations are that some of the things that I’ve learned as a manager in a megacorp translate nicely- if only I was perfect at all of them.
1. Be present…not just in actual location, but in spirit. I think of all the times I felt truly loved as a child and can relate them all back to the person being focused on the moment- not the 5000 other things that were going on. Growing up, my mother wasn’t really around and when she was, she was on her bed with her nose buried in the paper or a book. In contrast, my early caregiver was a woman known dearly to me as Grandmama Vicky. I was with her from 8 am to sometimes 10 pm at night. Even though she sometimes had up to 8 other kids in her care (no including her own), she was always present- focusing her question and attention on the one that was in her arms at that moment.

2. You don’t have to tell them everything, i.e. shit does not have to roll down hill! My kids don’t need to hear about all the horrible details of my bad days at work- they have the rest of their lives to deal with the ills of the world. Its my job to protect them as much as possible and make sure they only have to deal with what might be considered age appropriate. I remember getting the sordid details of my mother’s divorce/marital difficulties around the age of 6 and wouldn’t wish the feelings I had- the helplessness, the feeling of responsibility, on anyone.

3. Unconditional love. I know this one is a cliché, but I grew up feeling that my mother’s love/acceptance of me was all based on the what have you done for me lately mentality. On many levels, I think of the lies I told to her either blatant or via omission and look for a root cause. Though my omissions/lies were never really related to anything most parents would have cared about, I never really knew what might throw me over the edge and into the unloved category. I want my kids to know that there is absolutely nothing they could do that would stop my love for them. Be open and honest with me and we can work through anything.

4. Be consistent. My boss has always said to me- as long as there are no surprises, we are good. I think this is probably the best guidance I have ever received- and so true in my own life experience as both an adult and a child. The aforementioned Grandmama Vicky had strict rules and expectations. They were consistent no matter who you were or what day it was. The structure and consistency made me feel safe and secure.
That’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I’ll add more to it as my contemplation progresses.

Not much to blog about?

2009-11-10T14:07:00.000-06:00

My darling wife is sleeping all the time and has to pee every hour- and we are waiting patiently for her sonogram next Wednesday. Other than that, I have little to update on. In the spirit of many of my other favorite blogs- what should we post about?

2009-11-03T10:51:00.000-06:00

I've read in so many blogs that the calm after intervention induced pregnancy is disconcerting. While Janet and I haven't actually talked about it, I'm guessing that now she is also feeling the truth to those blogs. Two blue lines and three betas does not prepare you for all of the waiting. Wait to see if the daily bleeding means anything, wait to see if the cramping continues, wait for opportunity to see if butterbean style life exists...

In my fear, I keep putting my dear wife through peeing on hpts. My logic is that as long as the pregnancy continues to be strong enough to create the line before the control line even starts to fill in, we are probably good to go. I'm blessed that she indulges me.

Two more weeks, two more weeks... wash, rinse, repeat.

Crisis averted?

2009-10-28T17:23:00.000-05:00

After tears shed last night, thinking the worst AND letting the internet thoroughly freak us out...

...our beta came out awesome!

1199 AND guess who got her DPO measurements wrong on the hCG chart she last posted- oh yeah, that would be me. So this is what our chart should look like.

Its no longer on the average side. Before it was pointed out to me that I had our days past ovulation wrong, Janet had conversations with the nurses in which they indicated that our doctor thinks that the reason for the red and brown bleeding and craping was because we currently have twins...and that the symptoms are of them "hunkerin' down". I know that doctors are normally pulling crap out of the sky at this point, but still, it made me feel a lot better- and hearing the beta number- TOTAL elation.

Thanks so much for all the good thoughts, prayers, and juju!!!

Fear

2009-10-27T17:39:00.000-05:00

Fear is your wife having progressively worse brown spotting and craps following two progressively positive betas.

Fear is searching all over google and talking to a nurse, but not really having a clear answer as to if the spotting and cramps are a problem.

Fear is having no good answer or indication until another beta is done tomorrow at noon.

Worthless is having no way to protect my wife from this fear.

Sometimes Average is Great!

2009-10-26T16:01:00.000-05:00

If ovulation day is the same as our egg retrieval day, we are trending on the average side for Singleton values- W00T!

Janet's first sonogram is scheduled for 11/18. That seems like an awfully long time for us to continue to obsess over if things are going ok or not. I thought the wait to conceive was awful, but this is downright terrifying. Every symptom takes us to Google.

On a side note, thanks so much for all the book feedback and support. Between Kindle books and half.com I think we will be drowning in information.

One more question. We have friends who are looking for information on clinics that have egg sharing programs. If there is any chance you would provide the clinic info, I would be super duper greatful!

2009-10-24T12:38:00.000-05:00

Beta 1 = 174

It's real now!!!
As I watched Janet last night and this morning, I can see her beginning to let herself accept and feel happy that this is indeed a pregnancy. For the past couple of years, I've been swooning every time I saw kid’s clothes, stores, etc. Janet would indulge me and accompany me in/around them, but she wouldn't really get "involved" in the gushing. Now, she actually asked to go look through the stores- wooooo hooooo! I'm allowed to start buying books- I would like to avoid "What to Expect when Your Expecting" because I've heard it’s just a bit too much- but I could be persuaded otherwise. Any others you fabulous people would recommend?

And Then There Were 3 (or 4!)

2009-10-21T21:22:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure I can ever express in words the joy we felt in our hearts when we looked at the stick and it spelled out P-r-e-g-n-a-n-t! There were screams, tears, smiles and one long huge hug (and a lot of confused dogs!). I know most of you have had the same moment so I won't go on, needless to say it was a momentous occasion and I am glad we can share it with of you.

My hope now is that I can finally stop disappointing Meredith when she asks me how I feel. Soon enough I will be nauseous and throwing up - anything to put a smile on my girls face!

On Saturday we go for the blood test and assuming that goes well I will Meredith tell the rest of our friends. I guess seeing it in writing isn't actually good enough for me, I need to bleed to make sure it is real.

Thanks for your comments and well wishes, hope you are having as spectacular a week as we are!

BABY GABBER!

2009-10-20T20:27:00.000-05:00

Oh YEAH baby- there is a butter bean in there!!!

Blood test confirmation: 10/24

Hello, It's Me Again

2009-10-18T21:35:00.002-05:00

I am painfully aware, as is Meredith, how long it has been since my one and only post. It's not that I don't want to, its just not something I think about doing. Oh, and she is so thorough I'm not sure I have any relevant information to add!

What I realized I could add, and should add, is my current role as incubator. I felt a little crampy/crappy for a couple of days but now I feel really good. It is hard for me to remember not to over exert myself and take it easy. I stress over what would be too much versus Meredith thinking I am just trying to get out of chores! I know she doesn't think I am lazy, but I sure wouldn't mind convincing her that cleaning out the litter box was overwhelming!

Well, I don't want to wear myself out on my second ever post so I will save a little for later this week. We had a busy weekend and ended with a dinner party for my Mom's 76th birthday! We had a great time and love being with our family. (Hi Mom, hope you had a good time - we love you!)

All for now - Janet

Larry and Curly meet the world

2009-10-17T13:03:00.000-05:00

Larry and Curly wanted to stop in and say hello- 3 days post 5 day fresh transfer.

In other news, HPT was negative last night, but we expected that. Where the Wild Things Are was cinematically beautiful- but far more dark and psychological than I had expected. I wouldn't recommend it for kids- but I loved it.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

The best is yet to come

2009-10-16T14:02:00.000-05:00

We now have the embryo transfer and related bedrest behind us. Everything went well- two pretty embryos transferred (Larry and Curley for those keeping track). Apparently Moe decided that he/she was indeed not a morning, afternoon, evening or night person. The transfer went without a hitch- pic of our embies to be posted when I am home to turn on the scanner. Janet thoroughly enjoyed her bedrest and *hopefully* went back to work today feeling rested and happy.

Since Janet didn't take the HCG shot, it is our understanding that early pregnancy tests will work on her. So far, I've bought six based on this website's detection level info. I also found this fabulous poll/thread for surrogates that gives a good idea of when, if we are preggo with twins or a singleton, our hpt will show a positive (all based on a 5 day fresh transfer). Naturally, since I've been buying a$$ loads of tests, I had her test last night, 1 day post transfer. Negative- duh, but satisfying. I will start getting anxious on Sunday and Monday.

This weekend is going to be jam packed. Hopefully jam packed will mean less time to obsess. Tonight we're bonding with our inner 6 year olds and I CANNOT WAIT! Bring on Where the Wild Things Are! I've been a hug fan since I first read the book in the late 80's. My 13th birthday party was even themed after the book- "Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!" and I have the t-shirt, etc etc...anyway, like I said, I CANNOT WAIT!!!

To meat or not to meat

2009-10-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

Since I lack any fun ttc news or statistics or related obsessions...Lets talk about meat.

In our house, we aren't vegetarians- but we're moving slightly in that direction.

Upon reflecting on the dishes that we pick out for the week and the frozen/prepared foods we take to work, Janet and I have come to the realization that neither of us enjoy eating meat by itself. We've made appetizing sounding meals such as apple and adobo glazed pork chops with couscous and found that we really only ate a couple of bites of the pork chop and finished the entire thing of couscous, using the glaze as an additive. We do this over and over again with chicken breasts and the like.

So why do we keep buying meat (fish is the exception)? If we
A. Don't really like it, unless incorporated into something else
B. Are comfortable ensuring that our protein needs are met with legumes/eggs/etc

We aren't thinking we will be vegetarians- I could never give up bacon, chicken broth, oh, did I already say bacon?- but I think we might be able to save both money, a bit of carbon emissions, and make more creative entrees.

Menu since consensus was gained in the household:

Sunday: Green chili stacked enchiladas (contained cream of chicken soup, so not totally veg)
Monday: Curried butternut squash and corn chowder
Tuesday: Parmesan brown rice pilaf with portobello mushrooms and white beans
Wednesday: Leftovers
Thursday: Leftovers
Friday: Pizza

What are your favorite meat free meals?

Larry, Curley, and Moe- Day 3 update

2009-10-12T12:43:00.000-05:00

And the Embryologist's observation/grading is:

Larry:     10A
Curley:     7B
Moe:        6B

I'm hoping that Moe just isn't a morning person and will persevere towards the preferred 7+ cells by day end.

On an awwwww, note- my beautiful wife brought home three roses last night, one for each of our embryos.

Empty Follicle Syndrome

2009-10-11T15:02:00.000-05:00

So, since I have confidence that Larry, Curley, and Mo are dividing happily today, I have time to obsess over something else.

Why didn't I have more eggs? Since every sono said I had between 13 and 20- and my levels were good, and my ovarian reserve numbers were fine- what gives.

So far I've found this article on empty follicle syndrome, which in turn gives me more terms on which to search. Obsession is good.

Also, this morning we had a great breakfast with a friend that we met on the CCB message boards. After over a year of trying and failed IVF's, she got pregnant on their last- we have sperm left so what the hell- unmedicated IUI. Without a doubt, its a good juju morning.

Cautiously Optimistic

2009-10-10T21:16:00.000-05:00

Fertilization report is in and...things are ok. Of the 4 embryos, 3 fertilized. Of the 3 that fertilized, 3 are dividing nicely and Dr. Le is happy with them.

After much crying and drying of eyes last night, we now have glimmers of hope. In our general silly nature, we would shoot each other three fingers- our new lucky number!

I can help but call them Larry, Curly and Moe. Janet just said- but there are no girls names in there- to which I retorted that Curly and Mo are both andryogenous and could be either.

I need to check church times. Per my begging and pleading with G-d last night, I'll be in church until our future baby is born. I should know better than to negotiate with the being above- perhaps we can negotiate down to two/three Sunday's per month.

2009-10-09T12:39:00.002-05:00

All this, for four eggs.

I am completely deflated.

They aren't sure if all the follicles they saw on the sono's were just duds- or if the ovidrel didn't work.

To add insult to injury, California Cryo apparently shipped a dud for our sperm (2.3 versus their guarantee of 10) and the clinic just called us to ask us how we would like to pay for ICSI. I have no idea where exactly we are going to get $1200 by the transfer as it wasn't budgeted and we don't get paid until next Friday. I'm sure we'll figure it out.

Thanks so much to Heidi and N for pointing me towards Vee and Jay's blog. It makes me hopeful.

A Complaint Not Sent

2009-10-08T09:46:00.000-05:00

Dear American Apparel,

My women’s size XL United Way T-shirt is obscenely small. Yes, I know that I’m spazzified from E2 levels that are now over 3000- but really- if the material is so thin I have to wear a cami under it AND feel like a sausage- there is probably an issue. Most other fair trade/organic women’s XL’s fit me just fine. Grump grump grump.

Yours truly,

A hormonal egg donor

Spazztastic and the end is near

2009-10-07T16:57:00.000-05:00

I'm having total moments of spazzyness today. I'm prepping for tomorrow's United Way kick off (2 employee sessions, ~250 employee's each) and keep finding more loose ends to tie up. I needed to send the final UW powerpoint to our COO as he is kick off the meeting. The pitch was 11 megs and there was no way I was going to put our COO in mail jail. I figured I needed to find a web location, which I did and had someone add it online. Now all I had to do was forward Mr. Big Wig the link. I typed out my email quickly, added the link and pressed send. When I glanced over at the webpage where the link resided, I realized that the date on the title read 1008. The first thing that ran through my mind was "OMG I just send Mr. Big Wig a link with last year's presentation." I gave myself a heart attack for at least 15 seconds while I realized that no, I had just departed from my normal naming convention and that the package was indeed the correct one. Ugh. Its stupid- this is not a big deal and I have NO idea why I'm making it into one.

In addition to UW, I keep finding things I have to do and meetings I have to move so that I can get away with being out on Friday. Thats right, the big retrieval is Friday. My follicles were all between 16's and 26's, E2 = 2192, and P4 = 1.7. Tonight I'll have fun with two vials of Menopur and enjoy an extra stick of Ovidrel.

I'm so excited that this part of the process is going to be over. No more drugs, no more mood swings, no more blood draws. My arms look like I'm an addict thanks to bright green bruises down my arms from the blood draws. The hardest part of this ending is that reality is setting in- I'm not carrying this baby, Janet is. I didn't think that I would feel like this- perhaps its just the hormones.

Feeling accomplished

2009-10-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

So of the two things I had to get done prior to going under on Thursday or Friday, I’ve managed to get one completely done and the other negotiated and an expected date of arrival.

Thing 1: Psych Evals- Results sent to the clinic nurse yesterday afternoon.

Thing 2: Embryo contract thingamajig- a little more complicated. We called the lawyer that will be doing our second parent adoption for help on this one. She hasn’t done anything similar in multiple years so was seeking templates from her peers/NCLR/professors whatever. Our conversation came down to- if we wait to make sure that she has every i dotted and t crossed from a case law perspective, we won’t have anything before the egg retrieval. I asked her if Janet and I should simply draft something basic and have it notarized. We went back and forth on the idea and compromised that she would draft what she was fairly certain would do the job and then make any last minute amendments if she received something from her lawyer posse (my words, not hers). I respect her ultra diligence- but knowing that this is more so that the clinic can check a box versus protection for us- I’m thankful for the compromise.

I’ve seen a lot of grateful for lists lately, so I’ll make a shout out to the universe here:

• I’m grateful to our lawyer, who has fought for the rights to LGBT families since starting her career. I’m thankful that she understands how income taxing this entire process can be and charges very very low fees for documents that could be so meaningful.

Because I’m a process improvement person, I can’t help but wonder- is the clinic learning anything from our situation? Will they keep our documents/service providers on file so that if another lesbian couple comes in wanting to do the same thing, they won’t get the crap template and recommendations that we did? Every time I walk into the clinic I am thankful that the staff is so supportive and kind- but I truly hope the administrative details of all of this can be easier for anyone else after us.

Protocol Update 3

2009-10-05T16:12:00.000-05:00

9/26-Stim Day 1- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/27-Stim Day 2- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/28-Stim Day 3- E2 Level 55, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/29-Stim Day 4- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/30-Stim Day 5- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/1- Stim Day 6- E2 Level 205, Progesterone 0.8, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/2- Stim Day 7- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/3- Stim Day 8- E2 Level 656, Progesterone 0.6, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/4- Stim Day 9- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/5- Stim Day 10- E2 Level 1148, Progesterone 0.6, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron, 1 vial Menopur
10/6- Stim Day 10- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron, 1 vial Menopur
10/7- Stim Day 11- E2, progesterone, follicle check

The follicles looked good today, ranging in size from 12’s to 17’s. Dr. Le said that essentially he was going to turn the heat up on the eggs for the rest of the week with the Menopur and that we would be looking at a Thursday or Friday retrieval. I’m hoping for a Friday retrieval. I’m one of the co-leaders for my office’s United Way Campaign and wouldn’t you know- the campaign kick off is Thursday, the 8th.

Any tips on dulling the sting of the Menopur? I consider that I’ve been lucky so far as the Follistim was pretty easy on the skin.

Psych Evals aren’t so scary Part 1

2009-10-05T15:50:00.001-05:00

So ARCC expects people going through IVF to have a psychological evaluation. I’m not sure if it’s all couples going through IVF, or just those using known egg donors- but I know we had to. They didn’t tell us we had to get the evals until right before I was going to start stims. The nurse is just like “have you gotten your eval yet?”. Um, big fat no. I didn’t know I had to have one/didn’t budget for it/and am a little pissed off at the insinuation…

So I get over all of that and go back into logical, “treat this like a project” mode. First she gave us a referral to an infertility therapist. We called, got the price estimate- holy hell people it was out of control. After crossing that option off the list I called and asked for an example of what they were looking for so that I could procure another therapist. The question list was even more offensive to me.

Example: Candidate reports having no emotional attachment to her donated genetics or the child to be. ___Yes ___No

Needless to say, I emailed the nurse that sent the questions over and politely went off. Per these questions, I’m definitely not a fit egg donor. The questions also go against the legalities we will establish when we move towards a second parent adoption… :::proceeds to rant aimlessly:::

So anyway, the nurse email’s me back and says that whomever we go to can customize the evaluations to our situation. At this point Janet’s called a few people, I’ve called a few people. Responses were either non existent, or they couldn’t get us in for weeks. I luckily turned to the Family Equality Council Dallas yahoo group for a referral and got a response within 24 hours. It turns out that De’An Olson is part of the aforementioned group- and not only could she perform the evals and get them completed on time, but she also works with the lawyer we will be using for our second parent adoption. She performs the home studies and evaluations for those. So, not only did she work us in within a week, so also made a deal with us by which the amount we spent on our evals can count towards her eval/home study fees when I adopt baby(ies) Gabber.

For anyone else in the DFW area needing a same sex or non traditional family fertility psychological eval, second parent adoption home study, or general therapy, I highly recommend her!
De’An Olson, LCSW
(214)-676-7920

Tomorrow- more thoughts on the eval itself.

Protocol Crap Part 2 (Skip)

2009-10-01T17:34:00.000-05:00

The e2 vampire couldn't get me

2009-10-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

This morning was my first sono since starting Follistim. Just like the last visit, they also attempted an E2 draw. I say attempted because apparently, my intake of only coffee before 10 am is not compatible with their need to draw blood. After three attempts they handed me a cup of water and sent me in for the sono.

Sono: 14 Follicles:
Left- 7, ranging in size from 8 to 12
Right- 7, ranging in size from 7 to 8 (mostly 8's)

Post sono and 12 oz's of water chugged- the vampire got her breakfast. Based on the E2's they'll email me my next doses of the wonder drug.
My next appointment is Saturday at 8:45 am. I got a big kick of calling Janet and informing her that she would be seeing 1/2 of her future unborn children at that time.
Boring protocol update 2 after the email from the Dr's office.

Bloated much?

2009-09-30T13:11:00.000-05:00

Its day 5 post start of Follistim and I had to wear my fat jeans. My mini Budha belly is relieved that my fat jeans sit low on the hips. Unfortunately, the belt that keeps them on my hips is digging into the bottom of said belly- ugh! If this is day 5, I'm not sure I'm going to make it to 10 in my current assortment of pants.

Protocol Crap- Feel Free to skip

2009-09-28T21:18:00.000-05:00

For my sanity, I'm going to log protocol details and E2 levels. I know its boring.

9/26-Stim Day 1- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/27-Stim Day 2- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/28-Stim Day 3- E2 Level 55, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/29-Stim Day 4- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/30-Stim Day 5- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron

10/1-Stim Day 6- E2 Check?

They said the E2 level was good, but in reading online, it looks like of low for two days at that level of Follistim. Opinions? Trying not to be obsessive.

She lost it...

2009-09-28T10:59:00.000-05:00

...and then found it again.

Lupron suppression with BCP's ended on Saturday and THANK GOODNESS. That stuff made me absof#$%inglutely crazy. The physical effects were mild- just a few tension headaches- but my mood- down right foul.

I totally lost it on Saturday when I was supposed to start stims- 175 iu of Follistim. As a refresher- I bought my Follistim from a European distributer to save a bit of cash- and the clinic said it was ok. It came under the brand name Puregon. The drugs had been sitting in fridge waiting for this splendid day- I hadn't opened them assuming they were vials and corresponded to the obscenely large number of insulin needles the clinic had ordered for us. Imagine my surprise when I open the package at 10:30 pm Saturday night to take my injection only to find that the vial is made for a pen- and a pen wasn't included. Then I found that my dosage was in IU and the syringes only measured cc's. Naturally my sense of self reliance kicked in and I started googling- only to be reminded that IU's and cc's aren't exactly convertable- IU isn't a volume measure. So, temporarily freaking out, I call the doctors after hours line, only to be told "I don't know how to help you...didn't the nurse tell you what to do?". I totally lost it at that moment. Janet was in the other room watching SNL and had no idea that I was crying. I don't think I have cried that hard- perhaps ever. In my emotional state all I could see was 1/4 of my 401K down the toilet and our dreams of a baby gone...all because I wanted to save some money and order from an overseas pharm. I yelled at Janet, I yelled at myself, I sobbed for what was at least 15 minutes. My beautiful and amazing wife calmed me down- just her hug brings me to clearer thinking.
Clearer thinking took over. My vial was for 600 iu- I knew that my dose was supposed to be 175 iu- that meant that there were 3.4 doses of that amount per vial. Then I figured out how many cc's was in the vial- ~75. 75cc p/vial divided by 3.4 doses means that a 175 iu dose would equal ~22 cc's. I proceeded to be very impressed with myself and did the deed! WOOOOO hoo. Sunday in the early afternoon the doctor called me back to find out if I'd managed to get a Follistim pen- at which point I informed him what I had done. He was impressed and I felt vindicated. He told me to do my thing Sunday night and then when I stopped in on Monday to have my E2 labs done that they would give me a pen from one of their sample kits. Needless to say- I made sure to ask for the pen when I got there this morning. Now I'm just waiting for the call back RE: my next dosage.
Also in queue:

Psych Evals- Thursday

Embryo Agreement- sometime this week

Success

2009-09-16T09:28:00.002-05:00

I have successfully managed to give myself two lupron injections without freaking out.

That is all for now.

Sometimes you feel lucky- sometimes you're just pissed

2009-09-09T13:01:00.004-05:00

Background: I grew up in Florida, which until recently had an enforced ban on adoption by gays and lesbians. While there, I knew that I could never protect my family if the child of my same sex relationship was born in Florida.

When I moved to Texas, I learned that because Texas does not specifically forbid gays and lesbians from adopting, family courts in Bexar County (San Antonio) and Travis County (Austin) have interpreted the law to allow for second parent adoptions by the non birth giving individual within a same sex couple. While Travis County only allows Travis County residents to go through the court system for second parent adoptions, Bexar is open to residents of all Texas counties. I did enough research to find at least two options for lawyers who work with Dallas area couples and have a few recommendations for social workers. Until Tuesday, I've always felt lucky to live in Texas, where though conservative we may be, legal interpretation has taken the side of permissiveness. I've even taken some bit of pleasure in providing additional feedback to blog entries that say the opposite regarding Texas. I have an issue with people not taking advantage of the legal tools available to them to protect their families/their rights and then ending up in court, putting a child through hell.

For some reason, I woke up from a dead sleep at 2:30 am on Tuesday, absolutely livid that a child that is genetically related to me and birthed by my wife, would in no way legally be connected to me until I invited a social worker into our home, paid thousands of dollars to an attorney, and stood in front of a judge in San Antonio to prove myself worthy. I know this will pass, and I'm not going to put my future child at risk by attempting to protest the system- but I'm having a moment...

IVF Protocol v2

2009-09-04T17:32:00.003-05:00

So the latest and greatest protocol start dates:

Lupron:
Janet- 9/10
Meredith- 9/14

Stims:
Meredith- 9/26

That seems like a helluva lot o Lupron.

On another note- we'll stop our cocktail drinking habit when we start the Lupron, so to go out with a bang, and in celebration of the recurring '70's Casserole and Movie Night we have with our friends, tonights cocktails are:

The Alabama Slammer
1/2 part Vodka
1/2 part Southern Comfort
1/2 part Sloe Gin
1/2 part Amaretto
OJ to taste

Freddy Fudpucker
1 part Tequila
1/2 part Galliano (I have no idea what this is, but I guess I'll find out when I get to the store!)
4 parts OJ

The Casseroles are known as Tatertot Casserole and Open Cans Chicken Casserole. I'm sure I'll have something smart alec to say about those later.

Movie: H.O.T.S

To my US friends- have a great labor day weekend!

Protocol Med List

2009-09-03T11:25:00.005-05:00

Even though they have work to do on the actual start days of our protocol, the meds stay the same- so being the dork that I am, I through all the stuff into a spreadsheet for a cost compare:

I have already ordered the Lupron (generic) because I thought Janet had to start it today, but everything else, I'm shopping around for. Any other pharmacies I should consider?

Thus far, I'm thinking Ascend for the Follistim- I'm not sure that I want to wait around for IVFMeds to get things through customs- they also don't actually offer the 900 size that I need- would have to buy 3 600's for the price noted above. Freedom is definitely the least expensive for the Ovidrel.

So anyway, Janet started today. I let the nurse know and now am waiting for the new protocol schedule. Lets get this party started for real this time.

2009-09-02T18:30:00.003-05:00

Dear Fertility Clinic,

Before you spend time developing a protocol for your patients, you might want to make sure you have asked all of the rel event questions- like, is Janet still on the bcp's we gave her to take so that we could delay the surgery to remove her polyp- that we then told her to stop taking?
Assuming that she was still on the BCP's you told her she could stop taking was probably a bad plan. We are disappointed to have to wait at least another week to start. While we understand that sometimes mistakes happen, we look forward to your more thorough attention to our charts in the coming weeks.

Thanks,
The irritated Girls Seeking Gabber

Ick!

2009-09-02T10:21:00.002-05:00

So, when I set up this blog, I purposefully left it open to search engines. I did this in hopes that I could make the Dallas, Texas IVF/Donor Egg/Big Gay/Lesbian/etc family creation search easier for others than it was for me. I also wanted to repay the kindness of all the blogs that I stalked/read from start to finish/still follow while planning and researching this big adventure.

A search query that someone used to here last night has grossed me out a bit and is making me question my decision. I also can't help but giggle a little in thinking about the poor schmuck that landed here thinking he was in for a treat.

The search term:
girls drinking sprem pushy

Now back to our regularly scheduled TTC blogging.

The Protocal is about to start!

2009-09-01T14:00:00.003-05:00

So, today I got the below email from the our assigned clinic nurse regarding our protocol:

"Janet will be starting lupron on Thur. 9/3/09. Meredith will start her lupron on Tue 9/08/09. "

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!

Who knows what the rest of the protocal looks like- but, at least we know a little bit of something.

CD1

2009-08-31T10:58:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was CD1- and what a horrible start it was! I had accidentally been off the pill the prior month (I thought I was set up for auto delivery from my mail order pharm- not so much!), so wasn't quite sure what to expect. As we were about to start cleaning up from dinner - I swear I almost doubled over from an onset of cramps. I don't think I've experienced anything that bad since I was in middle school and the ibuprofen was in my mom's bedroom and I didn't want to wake her. Anyway, 1 heating bad. 1 hour, and 4 ibuprofen later, I was ok. I'm now happily back on the BCP's that apparently, will hold my cycle until Janet catches up in ~9 days. I called the Dr's office this morning (per their directions) and the nurse told me Dr. H would start developing the protocol.

Janet now has ~9 days to get her required pap smear and physical that apparently she's been putting off, and now- I really really really have to go back to the evil LabCorp for my FDA panel blood draw. Hopefully this time they won't make me wait forever for nothing.
On an interesting note- this morning I walked in the office to a gaping hole near my desk. Apparently someone drove through a window (accidentally). Since I know everyone is ok, I feel like it's ok to laugh- these things just don't happen in our world! They've been boarding up the hole, cleaning up the glass, etc for the past two hours- its making me nuts! On the other hand, its nice and cool outside (for Texas) and the new "ventilation" has made the temp pretty nice.

Its really about to start...

2009-08-20T12:45:00.006-05:00

Forgive me blogworld for I have sinned- Its been forever since my last post.

This ivf, egg donor thing is really about to kick off.

I had my egg donor consult last Friday. It was essentially an office visit with Dr. Haas where he explained the same things he did before when Janet and I were together followed by a pelvic exam featuring the ever so fabulous dildo cam. There was really nothing of note until the nurse took me into the room to ask all of the FDA questions. They were pretty damn funny. Luckily, the nurse had a great sense of humor as well. When the office visit was over, they told me I should go grab lunch because the lab for my FDA panel was closed for another 30 minutes. I took the opportunity to grab my ever so favorite chicken salad sandwich at corner bakery. I arrived back about 15 minutes after the lab reopened to find 6 or so people waiting in the waiting room. Apparently they only had one person working and she was doing the job of receptionist, phlebotomist, pee cup labeler, etc. I waited 30-45 minutes until my name was called. She took me back, looked at her lab sheet, left for a minute, and returned to say- sorry, the last FedEx pickup was at 11:15- we can't do your FDA panel today- can you comeback on Monday? Grrrrr.

It is now Thursday and I still haven't taken my pretty little blood rec back to the lab. I need to call to find out if I need a new rec, if I've screwed everything up- blah blah blah.

I'm totally psyched that this is all really about to happen! I'm supposed to call on my next CD 1 so they can start the bcp's and lupron. Janet is 5-7 days behind me cycle wise.

Questions for the experts on the lupron- what were your side effects? My sister in law says she felt super lethargic. Opinions?

And now, just for fun, a completely self involved and bad pic of us while we were in Pittsburgh.

Skipping Class

2009-07-15T17:20:00.002-05:00

Don't look down on me if you are a culinary genius- but...I'm skipping class to make tortilla soup loosely inspired by Rachel Ray's Mean Grean Chicken Tortilla Soup. I say loosely because while I do use lots of tomatillos and a beer base- I basically clean out my fridge for all the other veggies.

For some reason, skipping class for the catharsis of chopping veggies for an hour sounds totally worth it.

Today was one of those days at work that was pure frustration. I was working with massive amounts of data and my CPU was not liking it at all- so what should have taken me an hour took me 5. Not being able to send and receive emails, use im, or surf while data loads is abso-fu$king-lutely miserable! Perhaps thats why I need a little rythmnic chopping action in my life?

In more relevent news, Janet had her pre-op consult for Friday's surgery. Dr. Le instead of Dr. Haas will be doing the surgery and she really liked him.

In less relevent news, I've surrendered to my own weakness. I can't workout by myself. I tried. After 6 weeks of having a personal trainer, I thought I could do it on my own- had the trainer design a workout and everything- but it.just.doesn't.work. I start a workout and succumb to my own self doubt as to whether or not I'm doing it right, how stupid I look, whatever. I end up stopping before the workout is complete and run over to the the treadmill to do the only thing I'm sure I know how to do. For some reason, paying someone to reassure me during the process, urge me on- totally works. The fact that she's totally hot probably helps too- to workout harder at least :c)

Off to the grocery store- need vitamins and jalepenos.

Finally a TTC update!

2009-07-14T09:41:00.003-05:00

:::does happy dance to fertility deities:::

We finally got our property tax refund (part of the IVF cost) and I'm now comfortable taking a 401K loan for the rest (arrrrrrrrrgh!).

Janet has a polyp removed on Friday- shouldn't be a big deal, but I really don't want to see her in pain :c( We're planning on a homebody weekend full of couch snuggling, old movies and crappy food. Anyone have any experience with polyp removal they want to share? We've been told it's like a very crampy period.

With the polyp removed and the amount of time that it takes for the 401K loan to process, I'm thinking we will be on the September cycle- perhaps earlier, but I would rather be less optimistic.

I need to schedule my battery of FDA mandated tests for egg donors. I think its so funny that men can donate sperm to their wives for iui and not have to go through an FDA panel, but I do to donate it to my wife (yes, I know, Texas, USA doesn't consider us married). Lets hope the track marks don't disqualify me ;c). I wonder how many of the FDA tests I can get my insurance to pay for by just asking for them as part of a routine physical?

Advanced Reproductive Care of Irving

2009-06-16T09:27:00.003-05:00

I can make the declaration now- we've found THE clinic and THE doctor.

First the fun of getting there- I couldn't find the building and Janet got stuck in unmoving traffic while on her way, so we initially didn't know if the appointment would even happen. I actually walked in the Baylor Hospital, not realizing that the clinic was a separate entity- the GPS didn't help either.

Our appointment was with Dr. Haas. He was super nice and thorough without being condescending. He drew out on paper what our cycles would look like, differentiated between the drugs and tests we would each require, etc. (Being the LEAN business geek that I am, I'm considering creating Visio flow charts for him so he doesn't have to draw it out for future clients.)

Now comes the amazing part- the cost! ~$8,000 including meds! I nearly did a happy dance in the office. We can "afford" to make a baby and eventually feed it too!

Afford is a relative term however- we can't honestly say that I have $8000 sitting in a checking account (and yes, I know that I should).

Janet had a histosonogram yesterday- they seem to require it for all patients- and they found a polyp. Apparently the removal procedure is pretty easy, but I still feel bad for Janet- she's already had a fibroid removed. From what she told me, it doesn't sound like its a big deal fertility wise though.

Ohohohohohohoh- and another super cool thing that made me/us happy- Nurse Christy, one of the nurses we liked at UTSW, is now at the clinic managing the IVF patients. She stopped by to see us while we were waiting to find out the cost "stuff". She was known for crossing her fingers for us after every IUI. Its so nice to have a familiar face around.

We are thinking we will start our cycle in August. It will give us time to get finances in order and get all the tests, ordering of "specimen", and legal paperwork in place.

That reminds me- I found it interesting that we can go to our own lawyer to get the paperwork drawn up for the egg donation and embryo ownership. We went to Lorie Burch for our wills- I'm wondering if she can create these documents as well. We're pretty sure we'll use Suzanne Bryant for our 2nd parent adoption...which to choose... Heck, it might not even be a choice, one or the other might not choose to perform those kinds of agreements...did I mention we both love Lorie and her being here in Dallas versus in Austin...

A Smattering of Updates

2009-06-10T13:29:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a good day!

I found out that the city is refunding ~$800 in overpaid taxes. The check should arrive this week and will promptly be deposited into a high yield savings account (anyone have a preferred online bank for these?)
I called the State of Florida office that handles adoption information. Josette Marquess, the exceptionally nice and overworked handler of all non-identifying info, let me know she was dropping my information in the mail that same day!
Jennifer, my favorite nurse for UTSW called me back about my test results and told me not to worry. She also told me not to obsessively seek info on the Internet (she knows me so well) and cause additional stress. They are probably just going to invite me in for a sono to check my cysts out. (While she didn't say it, I think the inference is that if the elevated E2 can be attributed to my PCOS, they are less worried about an artificially suppressed FSH- not sure, thought it makes me feel better to tell myself that)
I ran/jogged/flailed at a decent pace for 2.5 miles- and felt like I had a little left to give. My recent re-engagement of a trainer, finding a gym in which I'm comfortable, and finding strength within my own body I didn't know I had has done amazing things for my confidence levels and sex drive (yeah, sorry if you didn't want to know that)
I booked tickets for our trip to Pittsburgh for my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. We are staying with my "Aunt" Nancy's family. They have a baby girl I can't wait to meet. I'm giddy as I haven't been up there since high school. Oddly, even being the little Southern girl that I am, I really enjoy the Pittsburgh landscape. I think it was the first place I visited with so many Universities in area. My favorite memories are of Big Joe (my grandfather) taking me around Carnegie Mellon. I was SO impressed.

It IS the month of HOPE!

2009-06-09T09:42:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, seeing these posts would have enabled my wallowing in self pity. This month, with our various doctors appointments, and nothing telling us for sure that we are going to have more issues, seeing positive pregnancy tests in blogland makes me jump for joy!

Give your love, support, good karma, prayers etc to Amy & Melissa's Baby Blog and Two Hot Mommas. They got their BFP's!

Shopping Around and Being a Drama Queen

2009-06-08T16:39:00.003-05:00

So last week we had our "financial consult" with SIRM Dallas...

For for me to donate my eggs to be used for Janet to have IVF we are looking at the following costs:
Single Cycle with Ovum Donor, Gestational Carrier, or Ovum Donor & Gestational Carrier

$11,550.00

Included:
Office Visits
Venipunctures
Serum estradiol hormone tests
Ultrasound exams of uterus and ovary(ies)
Egg Retrieval including procedure room fee and surgical supplies
Culture and fertilization of embryos
Embryo Transfer (ET) with ultrasound guidance and supplies
Two (2) Beta hCG pregnancy tests

Not included:
Meds
Anesthesia Supplies
Anesthesia Provider
Assisted Hatching
ICSI, etc
(you get the picture)

Given that after our first meeting I wasn't exactly in love with Dr. Saleh- he wasn't capable of performing a miracle with my wife's beautiful ova- and using donor eggs is a fairly basic, fertility clinic procedure- We/I decided we needed to shop around. Doctors Le and Haas in Irving will work with lesbians (where one wants to donate an egg to the other- or at least that is what we've heard) and their fees appear to be SO much less! We have a consult with Dr. Haas this Thursday.

Due to my PCOS, Dr. Saleh asked me to come into his clinic for a day three FSH test and a glucose tolerance test. Not wanting to go to some fertility clinic where I lacked relationships, I opted to call my most favorite UT Southwestern. On Friday I did the glucose tolerance test and this morning I did the day three FSH. My favorite nurse Jennifer just left me a message with the FSH test results:

FSH: 6.9- good
E2- 88- not so good.

Jennifer said she was going to check with Dr. Wilson to see if she wanted me to come in to see if I have cysts, which are known to cause elevated E2 levels. Well my friends, I have PCOS- so of course I have cysts (or at least I did 2 years ago when I was diagnosed).

I'm now off to frantically search the Internet to find out what can be done to get the E2 levels down even though I have PCOS or at least determine if I should be worried- because right now I'm having a little coronary.

Pool Fairy

2009-06-01T16:05:00.001-05:00

This is what happens when you make a wish on Facebook that a fairy would delivery a kiddie pool to your front yard- and one is magically delivered!

Loss and Hope

2009-05-29T09:53:00.004-05:00

Loss and hope are what we are feeling in our household after phone consult over the phone with Dr. Saleh of SIRM.

While Janet had filled out lots-o-forms pre-consult, her actual records from Dr. Wilson's office had not yet made it over. We couldn't answer the specific questions like "what was her FSH level on day 3 and on day 10". All I could say was that I remembered she had been borderline.

Consult thoughts/feelings:
Dr. Saleh was about 30 minutes late in calling. Not abnormal for a doctor, but for some reason, waiting by the phone made both of us more anxious than if we were in the office. He was apologetic and patient as I conferenced Janet in. As was previously mentioned, during the chart review, he didn't have much to go on other than what we could recall. Who knows why charts take so long to get from point a to point b in the day and age of digital medical records... He was blunt but kind about our state of affairs which I appreciated. He was a bit remedial in explaining the details of ovarian reserve, declines with aging, etc, but I'm sure patients at the beginning of the process would have been more appreciative. When I disclosed my PCOS status as a potential egg donor, I didn't like that he questioned whether or not my PCOS diagnoses was real or not- I didn't go to a some backwoods doctor- I went to an expert in the field who gave me thorough review. Overall, he a little condescending but confident, competent, and straight forward.

During the consultation he expressed surprise that Janet had been encouraged/allowed to do 9 medicated IUI's at her age and hadn't been immediately encouraged to do IVF while she was still 44. I didn't really know how to respond. Dr. Wilson wasn't pushy and we weren't keen on the expense. In hindsight, it might have been worth it- aggregated cost of 9 medicated IUI's, sonograms, sperm would have probably equalled the cost of one IVF... Oh well.

The net of the overall conversation was that Janet has chosen to use use my eggs. This is where the sense of loss comes in. I can't imagine, for Janet, how it must feel to be told that you can't use your genetic material. I know that she must have some fantasies about her baby- his or her natural traits, etc. My heart weeps for her, for us. I think I've mentioned it in blog posts before, but I have dreams of our sturdy little boy or girl with her brown almond shaped eyes and round rear end- The little boy or girl with the silent but deadly sense of humor and the mischievous glimmer of the eye and an affinity for all things athletic.

On the hope side of the scale, we now have hope that we could have a baby this year, or at least she could be pregnant with one. I started to write "complete hope", but that isn't exactly true. I have PCOS impacted eggs- we have no idea how I'll respond to drugs, how the eggs could be impacted by insulin exposure, etc. We also don't know exactly how much all of this is going to cost and how we can pay for it. I have a feeling we are going to go the much advised against route of borrowing against the 401K's- at least we would be paying interest back to ourselves.

So, next steps with SIRM:
- Chart review with the IVF nurse: J & M
- "Financial" consult: J & M
- FSH testing: M
- Fasting insulin & glucose test: M

After we meet with the IVF nurse I'm sure I'll have more updates on the treatment protocols.

9th time wasn't the charm

2009-05-18T10:14:00.003-05:00

For those that inquired about our status- thanks for the prompt.

I've been avoiding blogging, for fear of not being able to say anything positive- in fact, I wrote an entirely bitter and angry post that I subsequently deleted, but at least I got the words out of my system.

After Janet peeing on what must have been $80 bucks worth of pregnancy tests, aunt flow came raging in. My heart broke for her every time the pregnancy test said "not pregnant". There are only so many times you can laughingly add "yet!" to the statement.

I called SIRM and Janet has a consult with them next week. Depending on what the doctor says, on to IVF we go. Now we get to figure out where the money is going to come from as well.

Sorry for the morose post.

Friday night at home

2009-05-02T13:46:00.004-05:00

After a long week, MBW, henceforth known as Janet (since I realized her team name on our profile shows up anyway) planned a night of dominoes and beer at our Casa. Given that I haven't played dominoes since I was six-ish and beer was involved. I was game.

I had fun going to the beer store on the drive home.

I picked out three beers I had never had before, but that sounded good on the label. A dangerous thing I'm sure.

The first selection was Shiner Hefeweizen. I had not idea Shiner ventured into the realm of Hefewizens and wanted to give it a try, particularly since its from Texas. I have to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed. The flavors of fruit weren't particular pronounced and each sip didn't make me want to take another.

The next was New Belgium's Mighty Arrow. For this one, I really wasn't sure what to expect. Pale- well duh- it's going to be a more refreshing taste, but other than that, no expectations.
It smelled citrusy, but also a bit like walnuts and pine nuts smell when you toast them together. When drinking, the citrus wasn't pronounced, but merged well with a nutty flavor. This one I did look forward to the next sip.

Finally, we tried Widmer Brothers Drop Top Amber Ale. I actually bought this one thinking that Janet's brother would be stopping by- and he enjoys beer with a bit more body (In fact, I think some of his preferreds would walk on their own.) I have to be honest and say I didn't finish the bottle- but I enjoyed it. The blend of honey and wheat was pleasant, but after two other beers, popcorn, chips, and girl scout cookies- I just wasn't in for much.

I had more fun playing dominoes that I thought I would. We played an easy game so I could learn and I started to pick up on strategy- just enough to use it to screw myself later!
From what I saw on a website, I think this is the game we played. After 5 games, we switched to Scrabble, which oddly enough, our brilliant friend- A from the family C, had never played before.

Hopefully there will be many more game nights to come!

Patience Pays Off

2009-04-29T09:54:00.004-05:00

She surged! Ovulation detected last night and again this morning. She's on her way to RE's as we speak.

A picture of MBW's favorite dog just for smiles and good measure:

Meet Mathilda. MBW found her as an 8 week old puppy in a mud puddle after a rain storm. **

**Update** Insemination complete. She had four good follicles. On the left she had a 32 and a 27. On the right, which they were far less impressed by, she had a 14 and a 13. As per usual, her lining and her mucus looked great.

Fertile thoughts!