Empty Follicle Syndrome

So, since I have confidence that Larry, Curley, and Mo are dividing happily today, I have time to obsess over something else.

Why didn't I have more eggs?  Since every sono said I had between 13 and 20- and my levels were good, and my ovarian reserve numbers were fine- what gives.

So far I've found this article on empty follicle syndrome, which in turn gives me more terms on which to search.  Obsession is good.

Also, this morning we had a great breakfast with a friend that we met on the CCB message boards.  After over a year of trying and failed IVF's, she got pregnant on their last- we have sperm left so what the hell- unmedicated IUI.  Without a doubt, its a good juju morning.

Cautiously Optimistic

Fertilization report is in and...things are ok.  Of the 4 embryos, 3 fertilized.  Of the 3 that fertilized, 3 are dividing nicely and Dr. Le is happy with them. 

After much crying and drying of eyes last night, we now have glimmers of hope.  In our general silly nature, we would shoot each other three fingers- our new lucky number!

I can help but call them Larry, Curly and Moe.  Janet just said- but there are no girls names in there- to which I retorted that Curly and Mo are both andryogenous and could be either.

I need to check church times.  Per my begging and pleading with G-d last night, I'll be in church until our future baby is born.  I should know better than to negotiate with the being above- perhaps we can negotiate down to two/three Sunday's per month.

All this, for four eggs.

I am completely deflated.

They aren't sure if all the follicles they saw on the sono's were just duds- or if the ovidrel didn't work.

To add insult to injury, California Cryo apparently shipped a dud for our sperm (2.3 versus their guarantee of 10) and the clinic just called us to ask us how we would like to pay for ICSI.  I have no idea where exactly we are going to get $1200 by the transfer as it wasn't budgeted and we don't get paid until next Friday.  I'm sure we'll figure it out. 

Thanks so much to Heidi and N for pointing me towards Vee and Jay's blog.  It makes me hopeful.

A Complaint Not Sent

Dear American Apparel,


My women’s size XL United Way T-shirt is obscenely small. Yes, I know that I’m spazzified from E2 levels that are now over 3000- but really- if the material is so thin I have to wear a cami under it AND feel like a sausage- there is probably an issue. Most other fair trade/organic women’s XL’s fit me just fine. Grump grump grump.

Yours truly,

A hormonal egg donor

Spazztastic and the end is near

I'm having total moments of spazzyness today.  I'm prepping for tomorrow's United Way kick off  (2 employee sessions, ~250 employee's each) and keep finding more loose ends to tie up.  I needed to send the final UW powerpoint to our COO as he is kick off the meeting.  The pitch was 11 megs and there was no way I was going to put our COO in mail jail.  I figured I needed to find a web location, which I did and had someone add it online.  Now all I had to do was forward Mr. Big Wig the link.  I typed out my email quickly, added the link and pressed send.  When I glanced over at the webpage where the link resided, I realized that the date on the title read 1008.  The first thing that ran through my mind was "OMG I just send Mr. Big Wig a link with last year's presentation."  I gave myself a heart attack for at least 15 seconds while I realized that no, I had just departed from my normal naming convention and that the package was indeed the correct one.  Ugh.  Its stupid- this is not a big deal and I have NO idea why I'm making it into one. 

In addition to UW, I keep finding things I have to do and meetings I have to move so that I can get away with being out on Friday.  Thats right, the big retrieval is Friday.  My follicles were all between 16's and 26's, E2 = 2192, and P4 = 1.7.  Tonight I'll have fun with two vials of Menopur and enjoy an extra stick of Ovidrel. 

I'm so excited that this part of the process is going to be over.  No more drugs, no more mood swings, no more blood draws.  My arms look like I'm an addict thanks to bright green bruises down my arms from the blood draws.  The hardest part of this ending is that reality is setting in- I'm not carrying this baby, Janet is.  I didn't think that I would feel like this- perhaps its just the hormones.

Feeling accomplished

So of the two things I had to get done prior to going under on Thursday or Friday, I’ve managed to get one completely done and the other negotiated and an expected date of arrival.

Thing 1: Psych Evals- Results sent to the clinic nurse yesterday afternoon.

Thing 2: Embryo contract thingamajig- a little more complicated. We called the lawyer that will be doing our second parent adoption for help on this one. She hasn’t done anything similar in multiple years so was seeking templates from her peers/NCLR/professors whatever. Our conversation came down to- if we wait to make sure that she has every i dotted and t crossed from a case law perspective, we won’t have anything before the egg retrieval. I asked her if Janet and I should simply draft something basic and have it notarized. We went back and forth on the idea and compromised that she would draft what she was fairly certain would do the job and then make any last minute amendments if she received something from her lawyer posse (my words, not hers). I respect her ultra diligence- but knowing that this is more so that the clinic can check a box versus protection for us- I’m thankful for the compromise.

I’ve seen a lot of grateful for lists lately, so I’ll make a shout out to the universe here:

• I’m grateful to our lawyer, who has fought for the rights to LGBT families since starting her career. I’m thankful that she understands how income taxing this entire process can be and charges very very low fees for documents that could be so meaningful.

Because I’m a process improvement person, I can’t help but wonder- is the clinic learning anything from our situation? Will they keep our documents/service providers on file so that if another lesbian couple comes in wanting to do the same thing, they won’t get the crap template and recommendations that we did? Every time I walk into the clinic I am thankful that the staff is so supportive and kind- but I truly hope the administrative details of all of this can be easier for anyone else after us.

Protocol Update 3

9/26-Stim Day 1- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/27-Stim Day 2- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/28-Stim Day 3- E2 Level 55, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/29-Stim Day 4- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/30-Stim Day 5- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/1- Stim Day 6- E2 Level 205, Progesterone 0.8, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/2- Stim Day 7- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/3- Stim Day 8- E2 Level 656, Progesterone 0.6, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/4- Stim Day 9- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/5- Stim Day 10- E2 Level 1148, Progesterone 0.6, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron, 1 vial Menopur
10/6- Stim Day 10- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron, 1 vial Menopur
10/7- Stim Day 11- E2, progesterone, follicle check

The follicles looked good today, ranging in size from 12’s to 17’s. Dr. Le said that essentially he was going to turn the heat up on the eggs for the rest of the week with the Menopur and that we would be looking at a Thursday or Friday retrieval. I’m hoping for a Friday retrieval. I’m one of the co-leaders for my office’s United Way Campaign and wouldn’t you know- the campaign kick off is Thursday, the 8th.

Any tips on dulling the sting of the Menopur? I consider that I’ve been lucky so far as the Follistim was pretty easy on the skin.

Psych Evals aren’t so scary Part 1

So ARCC expects people going through IVF to have a psychological evaluation. I’m not sure if it’s all couples going through IVF, or just those using known egg donors- but I know we had to. They didn’t tell us we had to get the evals until right before I was going to start stims. The nurse is just like “have you gotten your eval yet?”. Um, big fat no. I didn’t know I had to have one/didn’t budget for it/and am a little pissed off at the insinuation…

So I get over all of that and go back into logical, “treat this like a project” mode. First she gave us a referral to an infertility therapist. We called, got the price estimate- holy hell people it was out of control. After crossing that option off the list I called and asked for an example of what they were looking for so that I could procure another therapist. The question list was even more offensive to me.

Example: Candidate reports having no emotional attachment to her donated genetics or the child to be. ___Yes ___No

Needless to say, I emailed the nurse that sent the questions over and politely went off. Per these questions, I’m definitely not a fit egg donor. The questions also go against the legalities we will establish when we move towards a second parent adoption… :::proceeds to rant aimlessly:::

So anyway, the nurse email’s me back and says that whomever we go to can customize the evaluations to our situation. At this point Janet’s called a few people, I’ve called a few people. Responses were either non existent, or they couldn’t get us in for weeks. I luckily turned to the Family Equality Council Dallas yahoo group for a referral and got a response within 24 hours. It turns out that De’An Olson is part of the aforementioned group- and not only could she perform the evals and get them completed on time, but she also works with the lawyer we will be using for our second parent adoption. She performs the home studies and evaluations for those. So, not only did she work us in within a week, so also made a deal with us by which the amount we spent on our evals can count towards her eval/home study fees when I adopt baby(ies) Gabber.

For anyone else in the DFW area needing a same sex or non traditional family fertility psychological eval, second parent adoption home study, or general therapy, I highly recommend her!
De’An Olson, LCSW
(214)-676-7920

Tomorrow- more thoughts on the eval itself.

Protocol Crap Part 2 (Skip)

9/26-Stim Day 1- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/27-Stim Day 2- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/28-Stim Day 3- E2 Level 55, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/29-Stim Day 4- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/30-Stim Day 5- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/1- Stim Day 6- E2 Level 205, Progesterone 0.8, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
10/2- Stim Day 7- E2 and Sono check

Can't these eggs cook any faster?

The e2 vampire couldn't get me

This morning was my first sono since starting Follistim. Just like the last visit, they also attempted an E2 draw. I say attempted because apparently, my intake of only coffee before 10 am is not compatible with their need to draw blood. After three attempts they handed me a cup of water and sent me in for the sono.

Sono: 14 Follicles:
Left- 7, ranging in size from 8 to 12
Right- 7, ranging in size from 7 to 8 (mostly 8's)

Post sono and 12 oz's of water chugged- the vampire got her breakfast. Based on the E2's they'll email me my next doses of the wonder drug.
My next appointment is Saturday at 8:45 am. I got a big kick of calling Janet and informing her that she would be seeing 1/2 of her future unborn children at that time.
Boring protocol update 2 after the email from the Dr's office.

Bloated much?

Its day 5 post start of Follistim and I had to wear my fat jeans.  My mini Budha belly is relieved that my fat jeans sit low on the hips.  Unfortunately, the belt that keeps them on my hips is digging into the bottom of said belly- ugh!  If this is day 5, I'm not sure I'm going to make it to 10 in my current assortment of pants.

Protocol Crap- Feel Free to skip

For my sanity, I'm going to log protocol details and E2 levels.  I know its boring.

9/26-Stim Day 1- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/27-Stim Day 2- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/28-Stim Day 3- E2 Level 55, 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/29-Stim Day 4- 175 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron
9/30-Stim Day 5- 200 iu Follistim (Puregon), 5 units Lupron

10/1-Stim Day 6- E2 Check?

They said the E2 level was good, but in reading online, it looks like of low for two days at that level of Follistim.  Opinions?  Trying not to be obsessive.

She lost it...

...and then found it again.

Lupron suppression with BCP's ended on Saturday and THANK GOODNESS. That stuff made me absof#$%inglutely crazy. The physical effects were mild- just a few tension headaches- but my mood- down right foul.

I totally lost it on Saturday when I was supposed to start stims- 175 iu of Follistim. As a refresher- I bought my Follistim from a European distributer to save a bit of cash- and the clinic said it was ok. It came under the brand name Puregon. The drugs had been sitting in fridge waiting for this splendid day- I hadn't opened them assuming they were vials and corresponded to the obscenely large number of insulin needles the clinic had ordered for us. Imagine my surprise when I open the package at 10:30 pm Saturday night to take my injection only to find that the vial is made for a pen- and a pen wasn't included. Then I found that my dosage was in IU and the syringes only measured cc's. Naturally my sense of self reliance kicked in and I started googling- only to be reminded that IU's and cc's aren't exactly convertable- IU isn't a volume measure. So, temporarily freaking out, I call the doctors after hours line, only to be told "I don't know how to help you...didn't the nurse tell you what to do?". I totally lost it at that moment. Janet was in the other room watching SNL and had no idea that I was crying. I don't think I have cried that hard- perhaps ever. In my emotional state all I could see was 1/4 of my 401K down the toilet and our dreams of a baby gone...all because I wanted to save some money and order from an overseas pharm. I yelled at Janet, I yelled at myself, I sobbed for what was at least 15 minutes. My beautiful and amazing wife calmed me down- just her hug brings me to clearer thinking.
Clearer thinking took over. My vial was for 600 iu- I knew that my dose was supposed to be 175 iu- that meant that there were 3.4 doses of that amount per vial. Then I figured out how many cc's was in the vial- ~75. 75cc p/vial divided by 3.4 doses means that a 175 iu dose would equal ~22 cc's. I proceeded to be very impressed with myself and did the deed! WOOOOO hoo. Sunday in the early afternoon the doctor called me back to find out if I'd managed to get a Follistim pen- at which point I informed him what I had done. He was impressed and I felt vindicated. He told me to do my thing Sunday night and then when I stopped in on Monday to have my E2 labs done that they would give me a pen from one of their sample kits. Needless to say- I made sure to ask for the pen when I got there this morning. Now I'm just waiting for the call back RE: my next dosage.
Also in queue:

Psych Evals- Thursday

Embryo Agreement- sometime this week

Success

I have successfully managed to give myself two lupron injections without freaking out.

That is all for now.

Sometimes you feel lucky- sometimes you're just pissed

Background: I grew up in Florida, which until recently had an enforced ban on adoption by gays and lesbians. While there, I knew that I could never protect my family if the child of my same sex relationship was born in Florida.

When I moved to Texas, I learned that because Texas does not specifically forbid gays and lesbians from adopting, family courts in Bexar County (San Antonio) and Travis County (Austin) have interpreted the law to allow for second parent adoptions by the non birth giving individual within a same sex couple. While Travis County only allows Travis County residents to go through the court system for second parent adoptions, Bexar is open to residents of all Texas counties. I did enough research to find at least two options for lawyers who work with Dallas area couples and have a few recommendations for social workers. Until Tuesday, I've always felt lucky to live in Texas, where though conservative we may be, legal interpretation has taken the side of permissiveness. I've even taken some bit of pleasure in providing additional feedback to blog entries that say the opposite regarding Texas. I have an issue with people not taking advantage of the legal tools available to them to protect their families/their rights and then ending up in court, putting a child through hell.

For some reason, I woke up from a dead sleep at 2:30 am on Tuesday, absolutely livid that a child that is genetically related to me and birthed by my wife, would in no way legally be connected to me until I invited a social worker into our home, paid thousands of dollars to an attorney, and stood in front of a judge in San Antonio to prove myself worthy. I know this will pass, and I'm not going to put my future child at risk by attempting to protest the system- but I'm having a moment...

IVF Protocol v2

So the latest and greatest protocol start dates:

Lupron:
Janet- 9/10
Meredith- 9/14

Stims:
Meredith- 9/26

That seems like a helluva lot o Lupron.

On another note- we'll stop our cocktail drinking habit when we start the Lupron, so to go out with a bang, and in celebration of the recurring '70's Casserole and Movie Night we have with our friends, tonights cocktails are:

The Alabama Slammer
1/2 part Vodka
1/2 part Southern Comfort
1/2 part Sloe Gin
1/2 part Amaretto
OJ to taste

Freddy Fudpucker
1 part Tequila
1/2 part Galliano (I have no idea what this is, but I guess I'll find out when I get to the store!)
4 parts OJ

The Casseroles are known as Tatertot Casserole and Open Cans Chicken Casserole. I'm sure I'll have something smart alec to say about those later.

Movie: H.O.T.S

To my US friends- have a great labor day weekend!

Protocol Med List

Even though they have work to do on the actual start days of our protocol, the meds stay the same- so being the dork that I am, I through all the stuff into a spreadsheet for a cost compare:

I have already ordered the Lupron (generic) because I thought Janet had to start it today, but everything else, I'm shopping around for. Any other pharmacies I should consider?

Thus far, I'm thinking Ascend for the Follistim- I'm not sure that I want to wait around for IVFMeds to get things through customs- they also don't actually offer the 900 size that I need- would have to buy 3 600's for the price noted above. Freedom is definitely the least expensive for the Ovidrel.

So anyway, Janet started today. I let the nurse know and now am waiting for the new protocol schedule. Lets get this party started for real this time.

Dear Fertility Clinic,

Before you spend time developing a protocol for your patients, you might want to make sure you have asked all of the rel event questions- like, is Janet still on the bcp's we gave her to take so that we could delay the surgery to remove her polyp- that we then told her to stop taking?
Assuming that she was still on the BCP's you told her she could stop taking was probably a bad plan. We are disappointed to have to wait at least another week to start. While we understand that sometimes mistakes happen, we look forward to your more thorough attention to our charts in the coming weeks.

Thanks,
The irritated Girls Seeking Gabber

Ick!

So, when I set up this blog, I purposefully left it open to search engines. I did this in hopes that I could make the Dallas, Texas IVF/Donor Egg/Big Gay/Lesbian/etc family creation search easier for others than it was for me. I also wanted to repay the kindness of all the blogs that I stalked/read from start to finish/still follow while planning and researching this big adventure.

A search query that someone used to here last night has grossed me out a bit and is making me question my decision. I also can't help but giggle a little in thinking about the poor schmuck that landed here thinking he was in for a treat.

The search term:
girls drinking sprem pushy

Now back to our regularly scheduled TTC blogging.

The Protocal is about to start!

So, today I got the below email from the our assigned clinic nurse regarding our protocol:

"Janet will be starting lupron on Thur. 9/3/09. Meredith will start her lupron on Tue 9/08/09. "

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!

Who knows what the rest of the protocal looks like- but, at least we know a little bit of something.