First Negative Reaction

I tend to live my life in an up front sort of way.  If you are going to talk about your family, I'm going to talk about mine, without regard to how it may be different than yours.  Its led to fairly open and respectful relationships with everyone I choose to allow into my life.

We don't choose our family- and hence, when my sister found out we were expecting, 2nd hand accounts recount she went through the roof.  She's a very conservative Christian Republican who lives in Alabama.  Need I say more?  I'm a bit unsettled- but then again, she didn't respond to our wedding invitation, so why would this be any different?

I truly shoudn't care.  She and I didn't grow up together- she's more than 20 years my senior-we're not biologically related.  I really don't want to care.                   

We're having an Andrew!

Oh Yeah- we're having a baby boy!  He'll be Andrew Wade- and I'm now having an amazing time visualizing our little boy. 

As Growing up Clangley might say, bring on the tighty whities and cargo shorts!

On a side note, being able to see your baby's bones and vital organs is both the neatest thing ever and a bit disconcerting.  Everything so far is right where it should be.  I was also super impressed at how good the sonographer was at using easily understood terms such as thigh bone instead of femur.

I will be buying fun onsies at lunch!

We Heart G.AP Maternity

So my beautiful wife (as was mentioned in my last post) is almost past the Bella/Be Band stage and into the maternity clothes.  My dearest is not a fan of ruffles, bows, low cut, smocked, swirly/frilly print type clothes- leaving us rather baffled by most things at T.arget, M.otherhood, etc.  G.ap Maternity has been our saving grace.  They have normal button up work shirts AND pants in ankle length for her lower height (If I called her short she would kick my rear!).  Today we ordered two more pairs of work pants, jeans and a plethora of shirts.  I'm saying all of this as a lead in to our conversation. 

I emailed her a confirmation of the order.

Her Reply:  Do you think not eating out for 2 weeks with cover this?
My Response:  Consider them your Valentines day gift?
Her Reply:  No, we aren't spending money on Valentine's Day gifts. How about, "you are carrying my spawn and it is making you pee all night long" gift?

"you are carrying my spawn and it is making you pee all night long"- Quote of the Week!

One hot mama!

My pregnant wife is hot. Hot, beautiful, glowing, radiating- all those and many more affectionate adjectives apply. Between being happily pregnant and in new maternity pants this morning- I couldn't help but stare.

Oh hand-me-downs- how I love the. You’re good for the environment, good for our wallets, and good for our friends’ closets/space.


I mentioned in my last post that we had been gifted a breast pump- now, out of the blue, a friend of a friend is offering us a 3 month old baby swing and some gender neutral onsies.

I’ve fully read the warnings and admonishments on Consumer Reports about used/hand me down cribs, car seats, strollers, etc. Yes, I understand wanting to be as safe as possible, but I refuse to be an alarmist. On the side of safety and statistics, we bought a new car seat system. On the other hand, we bought a used crib from Craigslist. It’s a P.ottery B.arn, not recalled, and according to the person we purchased it from, never slept in because her son wouldn’t get out of their bed. Our rocker is also from Craigslist. We could never have afforded to buy the crib or rocker at their lists prices. Just thinking about the money not spent makes me smile. Butterbean needs a college education!

A friend mentioned having a shower for us. In passing I said that it would be great it anyone who wanted to shopped thrift/2nd hand. I got the funniest face. Oh well, a few people in the room understood.

The next thing I’m going to start perusing for are book sales. Other than baby wearing, the thing that I look forward to most about motherhood is story time. I’ve been checking Half-Price books here for used hardback Caldecott winners, but all they seem to have are the soft covers. I may resort to half.com but I would rather discover the used gems locally.

I should probably worry more about getting a mattress for the crib than books right now- but books are so much more fun.

Ohohoh, and in other news- thanks my boss booking an operations review on top of Janet’s previously scheduled sonogram time, guess who gets to see Butterbean this Friday instead- Ohhhh yeah, that would be us!

Boy or Girl Countdown

15 days until we find out if we are having a boy or girl.


Based on heartbeat, Dr. thinks...Boy

Intelligender, purchased on a whim says...Boy

Actual measured heart rates indicate...Girl

We were hoping for...a baby with a functioning brain and body.

Regardless of s.ex, butterbean and any future siblings will be raised to with the same concepts of self reliance, respect, perseverance, and love. At first, I thought I had preferences- but really- no matter what, we will tailor anything we do to our specific child. I think that’s why having a gender neutral, fun nursery is so important to me...I want to find out who my child is versus telling them who I think they are. I know, in infancy, they really have no idea anyway, but it’s symbolic of what kind of parent I would like to be.

All of that being said- after our gender revealing sonogram, we will not pass go, will not collect $200-until something boy or girl specific has been purchased (but I'm going to try my hardest to ensure it isn't pink or blue!).

On a totally different note- we are getting a br.east pump for free! I think its the Medela Pump In Style. Preliminary research makes it sound like a pretty good one. Janet will have to use it when she goes back to work. Any thoughts?

Morning giggle

Scenario:  Janet walks into the bedroom while getting ready, laments how large her breasts have become.

Me:  What can I do to make you feel beautiful?
Her:  Buy me pizza for dinner. 

Girls Roadtrip Extraordinaire

Tomorrow, my dear friend Mariko and I will embark on a 5 day trip to the Florida Panhandle and back. While I’m a bit disappointed that Janet won’t be joining, this will be a girls road trip extraordinaire, featuring a night in New Orleans and 3 days of music goodness at the 30A Songwriters Festival.


View Larger Map

I’m completely thrilled. In true lesbian stereotype, I’m a swooning fan of the Indigo Girls and most specifically Amy Ray. The music festival appears to be a potpourri of artists, playing in jam sessions at bars along the beach. Friday night my favorite bar, the Red Bar, will host a session with Emily Saliers, Rodney Crowell, Chely Wright, and Gary Louris. I’m not familiar with all of those people, but if their jamming with Emily, how bad could it be? Amy Ray’s playing in a Jam session on Saturday nights, and then there is a general admission, open air Indigo Girls concert on Sunday Morning. I can’t wait to go from bar to bar looking for the best sounds- hopefully I’ll come home with 10 new to me artists to add to my ipod playlist.

I haven’t ever really been “home” as a tourist. It will be interesting to take a friend. Luckily she’s from Arkansas- so she’ll "get" the whole rural meets beach thing. While I can remember some of my favorite hang outs, after living elsewhere for so many years, things start to get a bit hazy. I’m pretty sure I can still navigate the area, but I know I’ll be shocked my how much things have grown. Getting to all of the jam sessions while also figuring what old haunts to visit is going to be hard. Did I mention that we’re going to get to hang out with one of my best friends from high school who I haven’t seen in ages?

Hopefully this will be a trip for new awesome memories with just a smattering of reliving old. I respect the past, but find the present to be so much more rewarding.

Pictures and road trip fun details to follow!

Faith/Religion

I think this is going to be a day full of blog posts because I’ve been queuing them in my mind.


Janet’s pregnancy has made feel the need to reconnect with my religious past. At this time, I have about the faith of a mustard seed, but have reconciled my small amount of faith with Christianity in general. I truly enjoy the traditions/liturgy of church as well as theology. If I’m going to believe in something, I want to think about it intellectually as well. I think our child should have a foundation in Christianity and have the same ability to accept/reject the principles and teachings as an adult as I have. Luckily, though agnostic, Janet will support Butterbean going to church as long as she only has to go when Butterbean is in a performance and can otherwise stay home and make breakfast/lunch/brunch for when we get home.

I’ve tried out several churches in the area, from the totally open and affirming MCC’s, to the accepting Methodist church that is nearby. I don’t feel comfortable in the MCC’s because:

a. I can’t say that I need that level of affirmation every Sunday that God accepts me as I am. I already get that.

b. I want Butterbean to be exposed to the average family mix in church. If Butterbean sees his or her parents accepted in church just like every other family, I think it sends a stronger message of equality than if he/she sees them only in reference to other LGBT families.

c. Selfishly, I just don’t get much out of them. I know church is a give take thing, but I want to leave on Sunday noodling over something in my head, challenging myself over something.

The Methodist church nearby is pretty perfect as it is open and affirming, the minister is great, and its in our neighborhood, so Butterbean will be in Sunday School, youth group, choir, with people he/she already goes to school with.

However, when talking to some close friends, I brought up that I was thinking of going to the Methodist church even though I had grown up a die hard Presbyterian. There aren’t any active Presbyterian churches in our general neighborhood. Close friend brought up that most Presbyterian families in our ‘hood go to church downtown. My brain started processing. Downtown is really only 10 or so minutes away. Initial research shows that the church has some amazing programs for the homeless. What initial research did not show is how said church felt about LGBT inclusion. Being the pre-emptive strike person that I am, I drafted a wee little email to the head pastor.

Dr. XXXXX,


Before my questions, I'll provide a little background. I am a lesbian. My partner and I were married in Canada two years ago. My partner is expecting our first child. While my partner is essentially agnostic, I established my theological base in the conservative PCA and EPC churches. After "coming out" and becoming more comfortable with my role in Christianity, I started attending Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) but stopped once I moved to Dallas.


Now we have a child on the way and I feel strongly about our child being brought up in church. To this end, I've started trying out churches. I've focused on those that I knew were open and affirming- UMC, MCC, MCC, etc. The more I attend various churches, the more I desire to resume the faith traditions of my youth and also to know that our child will be raised in those traditions. The simple solution seems to be to try out *downtown* church. However, I don't necessarily want to knock on a door where I'm not welcome.


My questions:


Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?


When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?


Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?


Your feedback is most appreciated.


Respectfully,


Meredith XXXX

Less than 24 hours later, I had a response:

Thank you for your e-mail, Meredith. Congratulations on your “child on the way!” I would love the opportunity to meet with you to talk about your questions face to face. Let me give you a brief response via e-mail, and if you’d like to talk further, we certainly can:


Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?


Our congregation has made no formal statements that would allow me to say we are “open and affirming.” We have an incredibly diverse congregation, from openly gay and lesbian people to people who are still upset about the ordination of women. This diversity reflects the diversity of our denomination. We have openly gay leaders who serve in elected positions. We also have conservative leaders who serve in elected positions. Having said that, I would conclude we are an open congregation with people who would be affirming and with people who would not be. I would also want to introduce you to people who are gay and lesbian in our church and invite you to pose your questions to them. They would be in a far better place to discuss the nature of our congregation’s welcome than I . Personally, I am for the full inclusion of gays and lesbians in the life of the church and society. I have voted accordingly on every vote to come to the denomination on the issue since my ordination. I speak openly about my opinion. However, our denominational policies are not yet welcoming and affirming. Historically, the denomination’s policies have articulated a position that homosexuality is not consistent with God’s plan for creation, but that the church should advocate for the civil rights of all people, including gays and lesbians. I’m embarrassed to tell you that, but it’s where the denomination is, and I want to be honest with you.


When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?
I would absolutely support that request. Our Session approves all baptisms, and my guess is that the Session would approve that request. Baptism is about God’s claim on your child’s life, not about the sexual orientation of the parents. Even those who are not welcoming and affirming would have to concede that fact.


Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?
I would certainly hope so. While we have a number of gay and lesbian members, I don’t believe any of them have children in the children’s programs, so I can’t speak from experience.


I wish I could offer resounding YESES! to each of your questions, Meredith, but to do so would be dishonest. Our congregation is a wonderful church. Our diversity politically, theologically, and socio-economically is part of what makes our church who we are—a church that strives to be welcoming to all, gay and straight, democrats and republicans, liberals and conservatives. This diversity prevents us from aligning ourselves with any particular “side” in the debates, which is frustrating for those who want us to take a side. This is true for most “First Church’s” in most cities. As the church’s pastor, my position has been to make my opinions on the issue known, but to not ask the church to take any official positions that reflect my personal convictions. That’s the most honest answer I can give.


There are “More Light” congregations in Dallas, churches that have officially defined themselves as welcoming and affirming. I believe St. Andrew’s Presbyterian on Skillman is one such congregation. I’m sure there are others. I know there are a number of pastors who share my convictions and whose congregation’s are as diverse as ours.


I pray the Spirit will give you and your partner clarity as you discern where God is calling you to go to live out your life of discipleship and to nurture your child in the faith. Again, I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss this face to face.


Grace and peace,


XXX

I was impressed with his responses and look forward to trying out the church!  So a question to the blog world.  If you were looking for religious inclusion of your family, what methods did you use to test the waters?

Baby Crap 1.1

Weird/icky search query used to reach our blog this week:


“Pictures_of_girls_pulling_down_there_shirts_and_breast_feeding”

Dear Perves,

If you’re going to be a perve, at least be a perve with grammar please.

Kindest Regards,

There is no perve worthy stuff in this blog

In other news, we bought a fabulous, comfortable C&B rocker from Craigslist on Saturday.
Picture from listing:

While it isn’t a particularly cool color, it did come with a durable slip cover and really, neutral goes with everything. As a color related aside, I’m in love with Amy and Melissa’s orange curtains!

In other consumeristic behavior, I broke down and bought a stroller/car seat combo.

Background:

The Chicco KeyFit had been recommended to us by several friends. I initially balked thinking really, do we need a stroller in the beginning? We’re going to be baby wearers, strollers are annoying, etc. After testing out the stroller in BBB, noticing that without instructions I could figure out how to work the stroller/car seat thingy combo, and noticing how smooth the motion of the stroller was, I was in.

BBB price for Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle: $329
Amazon gift cards available to me due to work awards: $500
Price of Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle on Amazon: $245 + 9.99 shipping
Stroller/Car seat for first year: Free

The set arrived on Saturday and is now waiting patiently in our dining room.

Baby Crap part I

All that cute stuff associated with babies and baby life is now affectionately known is our house as baby crap.  After looking at said baby crap for several many hours with my wife and most wonderful mother in law- I'm baby crap crazy.  The Ikea crib I thought was for us- yeah, lackluster in the store.

Here's the deal- our house is a 1914 Craftsman and is all of 1271 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath.  Our taste is eclectic- modern meets turn of the century antiques and crazy artwork and brightly colored walls.  Our nursery *hopefully* will keep with that theme, hence the original affinity for the bright blue smallish Ikea crib.  All of the furniture in the nursery is going to have to be on the smallish side, otherwise the room is going to look like a storage closet that happens to house a baby.  All those 4 in 1 cribs- way to big, particularly when Janet and I have fallen in love with this rocker/glider thing at Crate & Barrel.  

Our logic for spending way more than we thought we would on it is that it coordinates with our current sofa and technically can easily go from baby room to living room.  The slipcover is also washable...  On the other hand, while I left this post for a few minutes, Janet and I looked at each other and came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell we should be spending that much money on a chair unless we would have bought it for the living room anyway- which we probably wouldn't.  Back to Craigslist I go.  I just really am not a fan of those gliders they sell and have on display at BRU and BBB.

We're still thinking that an antique dresser will be used for the changing table, but now we're thinking that the one currently in the room is too bulky.  We may be able to switch dressers out between our guest rooms...

Back to the crib.  The other crib we all liked at Buy Buy Baby was $200 more than the Ikea Crib.  Like the Ikea crib, it converts to a toddler bed and mini daybed.  I think we all liked it best because it has some Arts & Crafts period details. 

Since we won't be spending $1,400 on a glider and ottoman, I guess $200 more on the crib isn't so bad eh?
 After looking at cribs we looked at strollers.  Those are another thing that sends my head spinning.  The idea of being one of *those* moms at the mall- you all know the one I'm talking about- the one with the stroller that takes up 1/2 of the walking space and looks like they had to take the house with them just to go out for an hour- makes me gag a little.
 
So, for a later post, my thoughts on strollers and the racket that generally is Baby Crap.

Oddities of being the "non gestational mother"

I'm a Florida Alum and thus bleed Orange and Blue. I know enough about football to not appear totally ignorant- but I still can't get THAT into football. The game is on and what am I doing?..blogging about a few observations of being the non gestational mother (NGM) and genetic mother (GnM). (still, I'll throw in- GO GATOR's!)


As the NGM/GnM below are bulleted feelings/mixed emotions:

• Janet opening the door for me is now a bit disconcerting. We've always done this for each other- as gestures of kindness and romance. Now that she is pregnant, her opening the door for me feels weird, like I'm not living up to my proper role.

• I use "our" too much, as if forcing myself into the connection: our OB appointment, our sonogram, our nursery. I know that this is primarily Janet's experience, and she's one helluva trooper, but for some reason this is my verbal way of staying part of it.

• I have an internal need to tell everyone that I donated genetic material for this pregnancy. I typically restrain myself- but I have a deep seeded need to proclaim "this is my baby too!".

Hopefully Janet will post about her feelings about the being the gestational mother, non genetic mother. We had an interesting sharing conversation about bullet three this afternoon.

The much belated sonogram post

First of all, happy belated holidays and happy new years eve!  I hope you all found joy in your personal celebrations and time with friends and family.

Our family celebrations were wonderful!  We spend time with Janet's family Christmas Eve (think steak and crab leg dinner!), stay overnight, and gourge ourselves on mimosas/oj/coffee, stocking gifts, breakfast, gifts, and dinner.  Janet's family is full of rituals that I've truly come to appreciate.  This Christmas I couldn't help but daydream a little bit about what having an ~6 month old baby will be like next year.

Now to the REALLY good stuff:

On 12/22 (12 weeks, 6 days), Janet had a beautiful sonogram/nuchal scan.  Butterbean is looking good in there.  Measurements were on track (12.4 weeks), heartbeat was good (162 bpm) and mother was gauged healthy!

Peek-chures (for those on facebook, sorry for the spam)

Is there really anything as cool as being able to see a baby nose?

Bullet-y Updates

This will be a bullet-y sort of post, mainly because it’s been so long since I’ve updated, if I don’t do it this way, it could be the post that never ends.

The highlights and other random thoughts:

• Thanksgiving was wonderful. My mother in law makes the best gravy EVER.

• Janet’s first OB appointment was 12/1 and we love love love Dr. Lo and her nurse.

• Janet had a little bleeding scare the day after her first appointment, called in, and received sonogram. It turned out that all was well and we got a new picture of Butter Bean.

• Dr. Lo asked Janet if I would want to breastfeed as well. I’m still struggling through how I feel about it and waffling back and forth.

• I think we have a nursery theme: Dr. Seuss- All the Places You Will Go. Anything we do will be very loosely based on the theme, but something is better than nothing! (We/I really just want super bright and happy colors- I LOVE this IKEA crib)

• We bought a new fake/faux fabulous Christmas tree. We looked in what felt like 20 stores and finally found it at the decorators warehouse place that looked as if Christmas has exploded all over the store. The tree has now been assembled and decorated and the rest of the house has spirit to match.
Nekkid Tree:

Decked Tree:

• Finals are finally over. This semester was a total beating. I ended up leading and doing most of the group projects for both classes- I need to figure out how to not let that happen again next semester.

• Our house’s exterior is finally completely repainted after having been stood up by another painter who left the house 2/3s scraped and primed (and took our money).

• Our Christmas party is Saturday. Supposedly 50 people are coming to our little 1271 sq ft house- its always so much fun, but I turn into a total basket case the morning before. I’m lucky in that my best friend lends me her kitchen and bakes cookies with me the day before (tomorrow), and helps keep me sane with food warmers and general calming. Janet took the day off today to do party prep stuff. I think 6 bundles of pinon wood and a trip to the dry cleaners is in her future.

• Indigestion is hitting Janet hard. Any recommendations other than Tums are greatly appreciated.

• Janet’s boobs have become absolutely huge and required new support. A trip to the bra fitter helped greatly.

• Janet’s next appointment with Dr. Lo is next Tuesday, 12/22. They will be doing the head to toe exam and I think the nuchal scan. After that sono I think I’ll post the side by sides of our 8, 10, and almost 13 week pictures.

• All Christmas shopping is complete. For each other Janet and I are doing the 4 gift thing talked about originally in this blog.

• I’m trying to find a church home. I grew up Presbyterian and want Butter Bean to have a religious upbringing. I think I’ve settled on Kessler Park United Methodist Church- but might still try out a few more.

Whoo Hoo!

We had our first sonogram yesterday and got to see our baby and hear the heartbeat! It was 153 and according to our doctor they want it to be between 140 and 160 at this stage. We are so proud of our little butter bean!



We have now officially graduated from the fertility center and are ready for the obgyn. No paper or diploma, but 3 lovely shots of what will eventually be our favorite live-in!



Thanks for all of your well wishes, we are doing great!

Homesick

Homesick.
That’s what I’m feeling today. I had two main triggers. A high school friend in Tampa mentioned that his wife had just made him collard greens- gag if you want to, but they are one of my favorite things on earth. The second trigger was this morning. I go to a personal trainer once a week because I can’t seem to motivate myself to exercise otherwise. She mentioned someone that we mutually know who was watching the Alabama game last Sunday. As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in the panhandle of Florida, lovingly known as LA… lower Alabama. Where I grew up, you were one of 4 things. A ‘Nole fan, a Gator fan, an Auburn fan, or a ‘Bama fan. It didn’t matter if you or anyone in your family had actually gone to any of the referenced schools- but you were one of them. I don’t particularly love football- but it still gives me the feeling of home. When the SEC is playing on TV- I start to crave boiled peanuts, cheap beer, and Southern drawls. I miss going to church on Sunday morning and discussing the scores/plays of the prior nights Gator game (my alma mater). I miss the smell of saltwater and swamp- but now, writing this post, I think I am troubled that our future child will probably never know those smells, tastes, and rituals. I’m not saying that Texas won’t have it’s own- but I won’t share those experiences with our child.
What are your thoughts? How did/will you feel if you are raising a child outside of the comforts and rituals of where you were raised?

What kind of mother do you want to be?

What are we thinking about right now, in early pregnancy was the umbrella question from Heather…

As the non birthing mom and lacking the focus on my own body changes/new sensations/etc, most of my thoughts- walking down the aisle of the grocery store, drifting off to sleep, driving to work- are all around what kind of mom do I want to be?

I think about my mother, I think about the “village” of women who raised me, I think about my friends around me who I’ve watched mother and I contemplate. Based on my observations and experiences, what are my own guiding principles of motherhood?
My observations are that some of the things that I’ve learned as a manager in a megacorp translate nicely- if only I was perfect at all of them.
1. Be present…not just in actual location, but in spirit. I think of all the times I felt truly loved as a child and can relate them all back to the person being focused on the moment- not the 5000 other things that were going on. Growing up, my mother wasn’t really around and when she was, she was on her bed with her nose buried in the paper or a book. In contrast, my early caregiver was a woman known dearly to me as Grandmama Vicky. I was with her from 8 am to sometimes 10 pm at night. Even though she sometimes had up to 8 other kids in her care (no including her own), she was always present- focusing her question and attention on the one that was in her arms at that moment.

2. You don’t have to tell them everything, i.e. shit does not have to roll down hill! My kids don’t need to hear about all the horrible details of my bad days at work- they have the rest of their lives to deal with the ills of the world. Its my job to protect them as much as possible and make sure they only have to deal with what might be considered age appropriate. I remember getting the sordid details of my mother’s divorce/marital difficulties around the age of 6 and wouldn’t wish the feelings I had- the helplessness, the feeling of responsibility, on anyone.

3. Unconditional love. I know this one is a cliché, but I grew up feeling that my mother’s love/acceptance of me was all based on the what have you done for me lately mentality. On many levels, I think of the lies I told to her either blatant or via omission and look for a root cause. Though my omissions/lies were never really related to anything most parents would have cared about, I never really knew what might throw me over the edge and into the unloved category. I want my kids to know that there is absolutely nothing they could do that would stop my love for them. Be open and honest with me and we can work through anything.

4. Be consistent. My boss has always said to me- as long as there are no surprises, we are good. I think this is probably the best guidance I have ever received- and so true in my own life experience as both an adult and a child. The aforementioned Grandmama Vicky had strict rules and expectations. They were consistent no matter who you were or what day it was. The structure and consistency made me feel safe and secure.
That’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I’ll add more to it as my contemplation progresses.

Not much to blog about?

My darling wife is sleeping all the time and has to pee every hour- and we are waiting patiently for her sonogram next Wednesday.  Other than that, I have little to update on.  In the spirit of many of my other favorite blogs- what should we post about?

I've read in so many blogs that the calm after intervention induced pregnancy is disconcerting.  While Janet and I haven't actually talked about it, I'm guessing that now she is also feeling the truth to those blogs.  Two blue lines and three betas does not prepare you for all of the waiting.  Wait to see if the daily bleeding means anything, wait to see if the cramping continues, wait for opportunity to see if butterbean style life exists...

In my fear, I keep putting my dear wife through peeing on hpts.  My logic is that as long as the pregnancy continues to be strong enough to create the line before the control line even starts to fill in, we are probably good to go.  I'm blessed that she indulges me. 

Two more weeks, two more weeks... wash, rinse, repeat.

Crisis averted?

After tears shed last night, thinking the worst AND letting the internet thoroughly freak us out...

...our beta came out awesome!

1199 AND guess who got her DPO measurements wrong on the hCG chart she last posted- oh yeah, that would be me.  So this is what our chart should look like.

Its no longer on the average side.  Before it was pointed out to me that I had our days past ovulation wrong, Janet had conversations with the nurses in which they indicated that our doctor thinks that the reason for the red and brown bleeding and craping was because we currently have twins...and that the symptoms are of them "hunkerin' down".  I know that doctors are normally pulling crap out of the sky at this point, but still, it made me feel a lot better- and hearing the beta number- TOTAL elation.

Thanks so much for all the good thoughts, prayers, and juju!!!