I'm a spazz, comments to the universe

First of all, if you know me in RL, you know that I'm a royal pain in the ass when I want or need something done. I remember details and typically have a magic data collection spreadsheet in my head that can be used to drop a bomb in a moments notice. It's what makes me good at my job AND a terror to deal with. Unfortunately or fortunately, I approach the TTC journey with this same fervor and tracking.

My heads magic spreadsheet is plagued by the outlier that is Janet's cycle this month. If I were to create a Pareto chart of her day of ovulation, it would firmly show centralized points on days 9-11 and not fit the bell AT ALL- there were no outliers. This month is trying to push me over the edge. We decided to not do baseline sonograms this month because of her predictable ovulation, reliable follicle development and consistently perfect lining. Bad plan. Bad Bad plan. This was the month where we didn't detect ovulation on day 10 or day 11- or day 12 or or or. You get the picture. While it is her body, I'm the one that turns into a wreck when things don't go per my magic spreadsheet. I finally freaked out enough today to call our favorite doctors office and to give in on the sonogram- in fact, I was willing to beg/grovel for a sonogram.

Ladies and gents- she just called post sonogram. She has three beautiful follicles and has definitely not yet ovulated. She's on her way to pick up a trigger shot (Ovidril) and will ask her co-worker K (an extraordinary nurse and one of our best friends) to stick her as soon as she walks back into the office. We will go in for the IUI on Saturday morning!

Now for notes to the universe:

Dear Universe,

While I understand that the statistics are against us, we've defied the odds before. Who would have thought that a woman from Texas would meet a woman from Florida thanks to a last minute training class the Texas woman was asked to attend. Who would have thought that they would have been seated next to one another. Who would have known that their in class smart alec comments would later blossom into a cross state romance. Who would have thought that the cross state romance would actually last and turn into a home and a marriage based on mutual trust, support, respect and admiration.

Universe and fate, you've worked for us before- please help us make a baby, against the odds.

One Year, Six Tries, Maintaining Hope

After sucking oodles of information from the internet, blog rolls and books, I think it is time to contribute something back to the internet.

My partner and I have been together for four years and were married in 2007 in Canada. We reside in Dallas, Texas in an ever evolving craftsman bungalow with four dogs and two cats. We’re lucky to live in very gay friendly, family friendly, diverse community.

I knew we were forever when I started daydreaming about raising children with her. Is there anything more intense than the thought of a partner willing/committed to raising little humans who may need years of therapy once you’re done with them- or- a partner who views your genetic material as something good enough to use to create new life? Perhaps I take these things to seriously, or maybe I’ve just thought way too much about it!

We started our trying to conceive journey last January, with Dr. Ellen Wilson of UT Southwestern Medical Center. She had been recommended by one of the Dallas parenting groups and I had a previous good experience with her related to PCOS treatment. My beautiful wife (henceforth MBW) was to be the first carrier, due to age, immediate desire, and accommodating work environment. With MBW’s age being over 40, Dr. Wilson’s prognosis for pregnancy was not bright, but she was encouraged by the outcomes of the initial sonograms and Clomid challenge.

We selected our donor from the California Cryobank (They have awesome Customer Service!) based on his RH factor (MBW’s RH negative), height, SAT scores, athletic ability and ability to infuse humor into something so clinical as a sperm donor profile. Our first order was supposed to arrive in time for a January insemination, but, due to shipping debacles on the part of FedEx (did I mention I had to call FedEx and let them know that the tank contained “human specimen” and they needed to get it here fast), it didn’t arrive in time, which turned out to be a blessing! Janet scored a new, wonderful job at a local not for profit hospital and was slated to start in February. FMLA doesn’t kick in until you’ve been on the job for a specific period of time, so we knew the stars must have aligned for us.

Since then, MBW has been inseminated six times via IUI. The first cycle was natural, no drugs, just our wonderful Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. The next five were medicated with Clomid and monitored via vaginal sonograms. Four of the medicated cycles were at 25 mg of Clomid and the last cycle the bumped the Clomid up to 50 mg. We’ve used trigger shots for three cycles as well, but they are primarily for our convenience versus necessity. Also, for anyone else TTC’ing in DFW, the trigger shots are least expensive at the Las Colinas Target (Think ~$70 versus ~$100+ at most other locations that carry them)

This month will be try seven. We went in for the day four sonogram this morning and as per usual, everything looks great. We did have a more frank conversation with the doctor performing the sono and nurse Jennifer (the best nurse in the office!). While not easy, we are starting to think of IVF with my ova/eggs but her carrying. It is hard for me to consider. One of the things I would love most in the world is to have a little MBW in the house, regardless of gender. This morning we went so far as to price the process, but we won’t stop trying business as usual.

We try to keep our hope alive each month we find out we aren’t pregnant by viewing it as the beginning of yet another opportunity to create a new life.