Thursday, November 19, 2009

Whoo Hoo!

We had our first sonogram yesterday and got to see our baby and hear the heartbeat! It was 153 and according to our doctor they want it to be between 140 and 160 at this stage. We are so proud of our little butter bean!

We have now officially graduated from the fertility center and are ready for the obgyn. No paper or diploma, but 3 lovely shots of what will eventually be our favorite live-in!

Thanks for all of your well wishes, we are doing great!

Thursday, November 12, 2009


That’s what I’m feeling today. I had two main triggers. A high school friend in Tampa mentioned that his wife had just made him collard greens- gag if you want to, but they are one of my favorite things on earth. The second trigger was this morning. I go to a personal trainer once a week because I can’t seem to motivate myself to exercise otherwise. She mentioned someone that we mutually know who was watching the Alabama game last Sunday. As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up in the panhandle of Florida, lovingly known as LA… lower Alabama. Where I grew up, you were one of 4 things. A ‘Nole fan, a Gator fan, an Auburn fan, or a ‘Bama fan. It didn’t matter if you or anyone in your family had actually gone to any of the referenced schools- but you were one of them. I don’t particularly love football- but it still gives me the feeling of home. When the SEC is playing on TV- I start to crave boiled peanuts, cheap beer, and Southern drawls. I miss going to church on Sunday morning and discussing the scores/plays of the prior nights Gator game (my alma mater). I miss the smell of saltwater and swamp- but now, writing this post, I think I am troubled that our future child will probably never know those smells, tastes, and rituals. I’m not saying that Texas won’t have it’s own- but I won’t share those experiences with our child.
What are your thoughts? How did/will you feel if you are raising a child outside of the comforts and rituals of where you were raised?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

What kind of mother do you want to be?

What are we thinking about right now, in early pregnancy was the umbrella question from Heather…

As the non birthing mom and lacking the focus on my own body changes/new sensations/etc, most of my thoughts- walking down the aisle of the grocery store, drifting off to sleep, driving to work- are all around what kind of mom do I want to be?

I think about my mother, I think about the “village” of women who raised me, I think about my friends around me who I’ve watched mother and I contemplate. Based on my observations and experiences, what are my own guiding principles of motherhood?
My observations are that some of the things that I’ve learned as a manager in a megacorp translate nicely- if only I was perfect at all of them.
1. Be present…not just in actual location, but in spirit. I think of all the times I felt truly loved as a child and can relate them all back to the person being focused on the moment- not the 5000 other things that were going on. Growing up, my mother wasn’t really around and when she was, she was on her bed with her nose buried in the paper or a book. In contrast, my early caregiver was a woman known dearly to me as Grandmama Vicky. I was with her from 8 am to sometimes 10 pm at night. Even though she sometimes had up to 8 other kids in her care (no including her own), she was always present- focusing her question and attention on the one that was in her arms at that moment.

2. You don’t have to tell them everything, i.e. shit does not have to roll down hill! My kids don’t need to hear about all the horrible details of my bad days at work- they have the rest of their lives to deal with the ills of the world. Its my job to protect them as much as possible and make sure they only have to deal with what might be considered age appropriate. I remember getting the sordid details of my mother’s divorce/marital difficulties around the age of 6 and wouldn’t wish the feelings I had- the helplessness, the feeling of responsibility, on anyone.

3. Unconditional love. I know this one is a cliché, but I grew up feeling that my mother’s love/acceptance of me was all based on the what have you done for me lately mentality. On many levels, I think of the lies I told to her either blatant or via omission and look for a root cause. Though my omissions/lies were never really related to anything most parents would have cared about, I never really knew what might throw me over the edge and into the unloved category. I want my kids to know that there is absolutely nothing they could do that would stop my love for them. Be open and honest with me and we can work through anything.

4. Be consistent. My boss has always said to me- as long as there are no surprises, we are good. I think this is probably the best guidance I have ever received- and so true in my own life experience as both an adult and a child. The aforementioned Grandmama Vicky had strict rules and expectations. They were consistent no matter who you were or what day it was. The structure and consistency made me feel safe and secure.
That’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I’ll add more to it as my contemplation progresses.

Not much to blog about?

My darling wife is sleeping all the time and has to pee every hour- and we are waiting patiently for her sonogram next Wednesday.  Other than that, I have little to update on.  In the spirit of many of my other favorite blogs- what should we post about?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I've read in so many blogs that the calm after intervention induced pregnancy is disconcerting.  While Janet and I haven't actually talked about it, I'm guessing that now she is also feeling the truth to those blogs.  Two blue lines and three betas does not prepare you for all of the waiting.  Wait to see if the daily bleeding means anything, wait to see if the cramping continues, wait for opportunity to see if butterbean style life exists...

In my fear, I keep putting my dear wife through peeing on hpts.  My logic is that as long as the pregnancy continues to be strong enough to create the line before the control line even starts to fill in, we are probably good to go.  I'm blessed that she indulges me. 

Two more weeks, two more weeks... wash, rinse, repeat.