Friday, May 29, 2009

Loss and Hope

Loss and hope are what we are feeling in our household after phone consult over the phone with Dr. Saleh of SIRM.

While Janet had filled out lots-o-forms pre-consult, her actual records from Dr. Wilson's office had not yet made it over. We couldn't answer the specific questions like "what was her FSH level on day 3 and on day 10". All I could say was that I remembered she had been borderline.

Consult thoughts/feelings:
Dr. Saleh was about 30 minutes late in calling. Not abnormal for a doctor, but for some reason, waiting by the phone made both of us more anxious than if we were in the office. He was apologetic and patient as I conferenced Janet in. As was previously mentioned, during the chart review, he didn't have much to go on other than what we could recall. Who knows why charts take so long to get from point a to point b in the day and age of digital medical records... He was blunt but kind about our state of affairs which I appreciated. He was a bit remedial in explaining the details of ovarian reserve, declines with aging, etc, but I'm sure patients at the beginning of the process would have been more appreciative. When I disclosed my PCOS status as a potential egg donor, I didn't like that he questioned whether or not my PCOS diagnoses was real or not- I didn't go to a some backwoods doctor- I went to an expert in the field who gave me thorough review. Overall, he a little condescending but confident, competent, and straight forward.

During the consultation he expressed surprise that Janet had been encouraged/allowed to do 9 medicated IUI's at her age and hadn't been immediately encouraged to do IVF while she was still 44. I didn't really know how to respond. Dr. Wilson wasn't pushy and we weren't keen on the expense. In hindsight, it might have been worth it- aggregated cost of 9 medicated IUI's, sonograms, sperm would have probably equalled the cost of one IVF... Oh well.

The net of the overall conversation was that Janet has chosen to use use my eggs. This is where the sense of loss comes in. I can't imagine, for Janet, how it must feel to be told that you can't use your genetic material. I know that she must have some fantasies about her baby- his or her natural traits, etc. My heart weeps for her, for us. I think I've mentioned it in blog posts before, but I have dreams of our sturdy little boy or girl with her brown almond shaped eyes and round rear end- The little boy or girl with the silent but deadly sense of humor and the mischievous glimmer of the eye and an affinity for all things athletic.

On the hope side of the scale, we now have hope that we could have a baby this year, or at least she could be pregnant with one. I started to write "complete hope", but that isn't exactly true. I have PCOS impacted eggs- we have no idea how I'll respond to drugs, how the eggs could be impacted by insulin exposure, etc. We also don't know exactly how much all of this is going to cost and how we can pay for it. I have a feeling we are going to go the much advised against route of borrowing against the 401K's- at least we would be paying interest back to ourselves.

So, next steps with SIRM:
- Chart review with the IVF nurse: J & M
- "Financial" consult: J & M
- FSH testing: M
- Fasting insulin & glucose test: M

After we meet with the IVF nurse I'm sure I'll have more updates on the treatment protocols.

Monday, May 18, 2009

9th time wasn't the charm

For those that inquired about our status- thanks for the prompt.

I've been avoiding blogging, for fear of not being able to say anything positive- in fact, I wrote an entirely bitter and angry post that I subsequently deleted, but at least I got the words out of my system.

After Janet peeing on what must have been $80 bucks worth of pregnancy tests, aunt flow came raging in. My heart broke for her every time the pregnancy test said "not pregnant". There are only so many times you can laughingly add "yet!" to the statement.

I called SIRM and Janet has a consult with them next week. Depending on what the doctor says, on to IVF we go. Now we get to figure out where the money is going to come from as well.

Sorry for the morose post.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Friday night at home

After a long week, MBW, henceforth known as Janet (since I realized her team name on our profile shows up anyway) planned a night of dominoes and beer at our Casa. Given that I haven't played dominoes since I was six-ish and beer was involved. I was game.

I had fun going to the beer store on the drive home.

I picked out three beers I had never had before, but that sounded good on the label. A dangerous thing I'm sure.

The first selection was Shiner Hefeweizen. I had not idea Shiner ventured into the realm of Hefewizens and wanted to give it a try, particularly since its from Texas. I have to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed. The flavors of fruit weren't particular pronounced and each sip didn't make me want to take another.

The next was New Belgium's Mighty Arrow. For this one, I really wasn't sure what to expect. Pale- well duh- it's going to be a more refreshing taste, but other than that, no expectations.
It smelled citrusy, but also a bit like walnuts and pine nuts smell when you toast them together. When drinking, the citrus wasn't pronounced, but merged well with a nutty flavor. This one I did look forward to the next sip.

Finally, we tried Widmer Brothers Drop Top Amber Ale. I actually bought this one thinking that Janet's brother would be stopping by- and he enjoys beer with a bit more body (In fact, I think some of his preferreds would walk on their own.) I have to be honest and say I didn't finish the bottle- but I enjoyed it. The blend of honey and wheat was pleasant, but after two other beers, popcorn, chips, and girl scout cookies- I just wasn't in for much.

I had more fun playing dominoes that I thought I would. We played an easy game so I could learn and I started to pick up on strategy- just enough to use it to screw myself later!
From what I saw on a website, I think this is the game we played. After 5 games, we switched to Scrabble, which oddly enough, our brilliant friend- A from the family C, had never played before.

Hopefully there will be many more game nights to come!