Sunday, January 31, 2010

Boy or Girl Countdown

15 days until we find out if we are having a boy or girl.

Based on heartbeat, Dr. thinks...Boy

Intelligender, purchased on a whim says...Boy

Actual measured heart rates indicate...Girl

We were hoping for...a baby with a functioning brain and body.

Regardless of s.ex, butterbean and any future siblings will be raised to with the same concepts of self reliance, respect, perseverance, and love. At first, I thought I had preferences- but really- no matter what, we will tailor anything we do to our specific child. I think that’s why having a gender neutral, fun nursery is so important to me...I want to find out who my child is versus telling them who I think they are. I know, in infancy, they really have no idea anyway, but it’s symbolic of what kind of parent I would like to be.

All of that being said- after our gender revealing sonogram, we will not pass go, will not collect $200-until something boy or girl specific has been purchased (but I'm going to try my hardest to ensure it isn't pink or blue!).

On a totally different note- we are getting a br.east pump for free! I think its the Medela Pump In Style. Preliminary research makes it sound like a pretty good one. Janet will have to use it when she goes back to work. Any thoughts?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Morning giggle

Scenario:  Janet walks into the bedroom while getting ready, laments how large her breasts have become.

Me:  What can I do to make you feel beautiful?
Her:  Buy me pizza for dinner. 

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Girls Roadtrip Extraordinaire

Tomorrow, my dear friend Mariko and I will embark on a 5 day trip to the Florida Panhandle and back. While I’m a bit disappointed that Janet won’t be joining, this will be a girls road trip extraordinaire, featuring a night in New Orleans and 3 days of music goodness at the 30A Songwriters Festival.

View Larger Map

I’m completely thrilled. In true lesbian stereotype, I’m a swooning fan of the Indigo Girls and most specifically Amy Ray. The music festival appears to be a potpourri of artists, playing in jam sessions at bars along the beach. Friday night my favorite bar, the Red Bar, will host a session with Emily Saliers, Rodney Crowell, Chely Wright, and Gary Louris. I’m not familiar with all of those people, but if their jamming with Emily, how bad could it be? Amy Ray’s playing in a Jam session on Saturday nights, and then there is a general admission, open air Indigo Girls concert on Sunday Morning. I can’t wait to go from bar to bar looking for the best sounds- hopefully I’ll come home with 10 new to me artists to add to my ipod playlist.

I haven’t ever really been “home” as a tourist. It will be interesting to take a friend. Luckily she’s from Arkansas- so she’ll "get" the whole rural meets beach thing. While I can remember some of my favorite hang outs, after living elsewhere for so many years, things start to get a bit hazy. I’m pretty sure I can still navigate the area, but I know I’ll be shocked my how much things have grown. Getting to all of the jam sessions while also figuring what old haunts to visit is going to be hard. Did I mention that we’re going to get to hang out with one of my best friends from high school who I haven’t seen in ages?

Hopefully this will be a trip for new awesome memories with just a smattering of reliving old. I respect the past, but find the present to be so much more rewarding.

Pictures and road trip fun details to follow!

Monday, January 11, 2010


I think this is going to be a day full of blog posts because I’ve been queuing them in my mind.

Janet’s pregnancy has made feel the need to reconnect with my religious past. At this time, I have about the faith of a mustard seed, but have reconciled my small amount of faith with Christianity in general. I truly enjoy the traditions/liturgy of church as well as theology. If I’m going to believe in something, I want to think about it intellectually as well. I think our child should have a foundation in Christianity and have the same ability to accept/reject the principles and teachings as an adult as I have. Luckily, though agnostic, Janet will support Butterbean going to church as long as she only has to go when Butterbean is in a performance and can otherwise stay home and make breakfast/lunch/brunch for when we get home.

I’ve tried out several churches in the area, from the totally open and affirming MCC’s, to the accepting Methodist church that is nearby. I don’t feel comfortable in the MCC’s because:

a. I can’t say that I need that level of affirmation every Sunday that God accepts me as I am. I already get that.

b. I want Butterbean to be exposed to the average family mix in church. If Butterbean sees his or her parents accepted in church just like every other family, I think it sends a stronger message of equality than if he/she sees them only in reference to other LGBT families.

c. Selfishly, I just don’t get much out of them. I know church is a give take thing, but I want to leave on Sunday noodling over something in my head, challenging myself over something.

The Methodist church nearby is pretty perfect as it is open and affirming, the minister is great, and its in our neighborhood, so Butterbean will be in Sunday School, youth group, choir, with people he/she already goes to school with.

However, when talking to some close friends, I brought up that I was thinking of going to the Methodist church even though I had grown up a die hard Presbyterian. There aren’t any active Presbyterian churches in our general neighborhood. Close friend brought up that most Presbyterian families in our ‘hood go to church downtown. My brain started processing. Downtown is really only 10 or so minutes away. Initial research shows that the church has some amazing programs for the homeless. What initial research did not show is how said church felt about LGBT inclusion. Being the pre-emptive strike person that I am, I drafted a wee little email to the head pastor.


Before my questions, I'll provide a little background. I am a lesbian. My partner and I were married in Canada two years ago. My partner is expecting our first child. While my partner is essentially agnostic, I established my theological base in the conservative PCA and EPC churches. After "coming out" and becoming more comfortable with my role in Christianity, I started attending Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) but stopped once I moved to Dallas.

Now we have a child on the way and I feel strongly about our child being brought up in church. To this end, I've started trying out churches. I've focused on those that I knew were open and affirming- UMC, MCC, MCC, etc. The more I attend various churches, the more I desire to resume the faith traditions of my youth and also to know that our child will be raised in those traditions. The simple solution seems to be to try out *downtown* church. However, I don't necessarily want to knock on a door where I'm not welcome.

My questions:

Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?

When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?

Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?

Your feedback is most appreciated.


Meredith XXXX

Less than 24 hours later, I had a response:

Thank you for your e-mail, Meredith. Congratulations on your “child on the way!” I would love the opportunity to meet with you to talk about your questions face to face. Let me give you a brief response via e-mail, and if you’d like to talk further, we certainly can:

Would you consider your church to be open and affirming?

Our congregation has made no formal statements that would allow me to say we are “open and affirming.” We have an incredibly diverse congregation, from openly gay and lesbian people to people who are still upset about the ordination of women. This diversity reflects the diversity of our denomination. We have openly gay leaders who serve in elected positions. We also have conservative leaders who serve in elected positions. Having said that, I would conclude we are an open congregation with people who would be affirming and with people who would not be. I would also want to introduce you to people who are gay and lesbian in our church and invite you to pose your questions to them. They would be in a far better place to discuss the nature of our congregation’s welcome than I . Personally, I am for the full inclusion of gays and lesbians in the life of the church and society. I have voted accordingly on every vote to come to the denomination on the issue since my ordination. I speak openly about my opinion. However, our denominational policies are not yet welcoming and affirming. Historically, the denomination’s policies have articulated a position that homosexuality is not consistent with God’s plan for creation, but that the church should advocate for the civil rights of all people, including gays and lesbians. I’m embarrassed to tell you that, but it’s where the denomination is, and I want to be honest with you.

When our child is born, would he or she be welcome at the baptismal font with both parents?
I would absolutely support that request. Our Session approves all baptisms, and my guess is that the Session would approve that request. Baptism is about God’s claim on your child’s life, not about the sexual orientation of the parents. Even those who are not welcoming and affirming would have to concede that fact.

Would our child be welcomed into Sunday School, Children's & Volunteer events?
I would certainly hope so. While we have a number of gay and lesbian members, I don’t believe any of them have children in the children’s programs, so I can’t speak from experience.

I wish I could offer resounding YESES! to each of your questions, Meredith, but to do so would be dishonest. Our congregation is a wonderful church. Our diversity politically, theologically, and socio-economically is part of what makes our church who we are—a church that strives to be welcoming to all, gay and straight, democrats and republicans, liberals and conservatives. This diversity prevents us from aligning ourselves with any particular “side” in the debates, which is frustrating for those who want us to take a side. This is true for most “First Church’s” in most cities. As the church’s pastor, my position has been to make my opinions on the issue known, but to not ask the church to take any official positions that reflect my personal convictions. That’s the most honest answer I can give.

There are “More Light” congregations in Dallas, churches that have officially defined themselves as welcoming and affirming. I believe St. Andrew’s Presbyterian on Skillman is one such congregation. I’m sure there are others. I know there are a number of pastors who share my convictions and whose congregation’s are as diverse as ours.

I pray the Spirit will give you and your partner clarity as you discern where God is calling you to go to live out your life of discipleship and to nurture your child in the faith. Again, I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss this face to face.

Grace and peace,


I was impressed with his responses and look forward to trying out the church!  So a question to the blog world.  If you were looking for religious inclusion of your family, what methods did you use to test the waters?

Baby Crap 1.1

Weird/icky search query used to reach our blog this week:


Dear Perves,

If you’re going to be a perve, at least be a perve with grammar please.

Kindest Regards,

There is no perve worthy stuff in this blog

In other news, we bought a fabulous, comfortable C&B rocker from Craigslist on Saturday.
Picture from listing:

While it isn’t a particularly cool color, it did come with a durable slip cover and really, neutral goes with everything. As a color related aside, I’m in love with Amy and Melissa’s orange curtains!

In other consumeristic behavior, I broke down and bought a stroller/car seat combo.


The Chicco KeyFit had been recommended to us by several friends. I initially balked thinking really, do we need a stroller in the beginning? We’re going to be baby wearers, strollers are annoying, etc. After testing out the stroller in BBB, noticing that without instructions I could figure out how to work the stroller/car seat thingy combo, and noticing how smooth the motion of the stroller was, I was in.

BBB price for Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle: $329
Amazon gift cards available to me due to work awards: $500
Price of Chicco Keyfit 30 bundle on Amazon: $245 + 9.99 shipping
Stroller/Car seat for first year: Free

The set arrived on Saturday and is now waiting patiently in our dining room.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Baby Crap part I

All that cute stuff associated with babies and baby life is now affectionately known is our house as baby crap.  After looking at said baby crap for several many hours with my wife and most wonderful mother in law- I'm baby crap crazy.  The Ikea crib I thought was for us- yeah, lackluster in the store.

Here's the deal- our house is a 1914 Craftsman and is all of 1271 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 1 bath.  Our taste is eclectic- modern meets turn of the century antiques and crazy artwork and brightly colored walls.  Our nursery *hopefully* will keep with that theme, hence the original affinity for the bright blue smallish Ikea crib.  All of the furniture in the nursery is going to have to be on the smallish side, otherwise the room is going to look like a storage closet that happens to house a baby.  All those 4 in 1 cribs- way to big, particularly when Janet and I have fallen in love with this rocker/glider thing at Crate & Barrel.  

Our logic for spending way more than we thought we would on it is that it coordinates with our current sofa and technically can easily go from baby room to living room.  The slipcover is also washable...  On the other hand, while I left this post for a few minutes, Janet and I looked at each other and came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell we should be spending that much money on a chair unless we would have bought it for the living room anyway- which we probably wouldn't.  Back to Craigslist I go.  I just really am not a fan of those gliders they sell and have on display at BRU and BBB.

We're still thinking that an antique dresser will be used for the changing table, but now we're thinking that the one currently in the room is too bulky.  We may be able to switch dressers out between our guest rooms...

Back to the crib.  The other crib we all liked at Buy Buy Baby was $200 more than the Ikea Crib.  Like the Ikea crib, it converts to a toddler bed and mini daybed.  I think we all liked it best because it has some Arts & Crafts period details. 

Since we won't be spending $1,400 on a glider and ottoman, I guess $200 more on the crib isn't so bad eh?
 After looking at cribs we looked at strollers.  Those are another thing that sends my head spinning.  The idea of being one of *those* moms at the mall- you all know the one I'm talking about- the one with the stroller that takes up 1/2 of the walking space and looks like they had to take the house with them just to go out for an hour- makes me gag a little.
So, for a later post, my thoughts on strollers and the racket that generally is Baby Crap.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Oddities of being the "non gestational mother"

I'm a Florida Alum and thus bleed Orange and Blue. I know enough about football to not appear totally ignorant- but I still can't get THAT into football. The game is on and what am I doing?..blogging about a few observations of being the non gestational mother (NGM) and genetic mother (GnM). (still, I'll throw in- GO GATOR's!)

As the NGM/GnM below are bulleted feelings/mixed emotions:

• Janet opening the door for me is now a bit disconcerting. We've always done this for each other- as gestures of kindness and romance. Now that she is pregnant, her opening the door for me feels weird, like I'm not living up to my proper role.

• I use "our" too much, as if forcing myself into the connection: our OB appointment, our sonogram, our nursery. I know that this is primarily Janet's experience, and she's one helluva trooper, but for some reason this is my verbal way of staying part of it.

• I have an internal need to tell everyone that I donated genetic material for this pregnancy. I typically restrain myself- but I have a deep seeded need to proclaim "this is my baby too!".

Hopefully Janet will post about her feelings about the being the gestational mother, non genetic mother. We had an interesting sharing conversation about bullet three this afternoon.