Sunday, January 25, 2009

Still Negative/Still Positive

Just checked 'the stick' and it is negative again. Not devastating, at least not yet. We both still have hope and are not ready to give up on my eggs but it is, at the very least, disappointing. On the bright side, we have another opportunity to try again in a few weeks!

I have never looked forward to my period, most women don't (unless they are hoping they are not pregnant). Looking forward to the cramping, blotting, bleeding and slightly more sensitive feelings seems so ass-backward. But I definitely look forward to it and surprisingly she does too.

We want more then a baby, we want a family. I have always thought when I heard a young women say she wants a baby that she is not thinking about the bigger picture. They have a baby, then a toddler, then a child, then a pre-teen, then a teen - well, you get the picture. Maybe I am just cynical (or jealous), but I have thought about this for a long time. Now that my head and my heart are in the right place my body thinks I am several days late and a many dollars short.

Thank goodness I have Meredith, an incredible family and wonderful friends. I thought I wanted/needed this to be a private journey but as evidenced by Meredith publishing a blog, it's not! I am not accustomed to sharing my feelings with a lot of people, let alone the 'world wide web', but I am growing more comfortable with each and every word. Hopefully next month, which is probably as often as I will write (sorry Meredith), we will have great news. I can't wait to be uncomfortable and miserable and get an 8th chance at having our baby!

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