The universe said it had a different plan

Well, the universe didn't accept my plea. Rather than giving it the finger, I'm going to take the view that it is telling me to wait for a greater plan.

As we sit here, eating our favorite trashy supper of 2 cans of Ranch Style beans mixed with a can of Ro*tel, lightly sprinkled with cheese, we are on day 3 of our next IUI. If this doesn't work, we'll move on to plan b- IVF for her, with my ova. I'm scared of the drugs, the expense, and of not having a baby genetic Janet in this world- but I'm happy that we have options. We have plenty of options, which I suppose is why, 8 months of negative tests later, we are still positive.

A co-worker and friend suddenly passed away last weak, taking me back to one of my core principles: Life is precious- treat it with care, humility, and respect. We can't let an unfulfilled want ruin our ability to appreciate what we already have, which is a life full of laughter, joy, learning, family, friends, art, altruism...I could go on.

Amsale Berhanu- you were a light in this world. I am thankful to have learned so much from you.

I'm a spazz, comments to the universe

First of all, if you know me in RL, you know that I'm a royal pain in the ass when I want or need something done. I remember details and typically have a magic data collection spreadsheet in my head that can be used to drop a bomb in a moments notice. It's what makes me good at my job AND a terror to deal with. Unfortunately or fortunately, I approach the TTC journey with this same fervor and tracking.

My heads magic spreadsheet is plagued by the outlier that is Janet's cycle this month. If I were to create a Pareto chart of her day of ovulation, it would firmly show centralized points on days 9-11 and not fit the bell AT ALL- there were no outliers. This month is trying to push me over the edge. We decided to not do baseline sonograms this month because of her predictable ovulation, reliable follicle development and consistently perfect lining. Bad plan. Bad Bad plan. This was the month where we didn't detect ovulation on day 10 or day 11- or day 12 or or or. You get the picture. While it is her body, I'm the one that turns into a wreck when things don't go per my magic spreadsheet. I finally freaked out enough today to call our favorite doctors office and to give in on the sonogram- in fact, I was willing to beg/grovel for a sonogram.

Ladies and gents- she just called post sonogram. She has three beautiful follicles and has definitely not yet ovulated. She's on her way to pick up a trigger shot (Ovidril) and will ask her co-worker K (an extraordinary nurse and one of our best friends) to stick her as soon as she walks back into the office. We will go in for the IUI on Saturday morning!

Now for notes to the universe:

Dear Universe,

While I understand that the statistics are against us, we've defied the odds before. Who would have thought that a woman from Texas would meet a woman from Florida thanks to a last minute training class the Texas woman was asked to attend. Who would have thought that they would have been seated next to one another. Who would have known that their in class smart alec comments would later blossom into a cross state romance. Who would have thought that the cross state romance would actually last and turn into a home and a marriage based on mutual trust, support, respect and admiration.

Universe and fate, you've worked for us before- please help us make a baby, against the odds.