The universe said it had a different plan

Well, the universe didn't accept my plea. Rather than giving it the finger, I'm going to take the view that it is telling me to wait for a greater plan.

As we sit here, eating our favorite trashy supper of 2 cans of Ranch Style beans mixed with a can of Ro*tel, lightly sprinkled with cheese, we are on day 3 of our next IUI. If this doesn't work, we'll move on to plan b- IVF for her, with my ova. I'm scared of the drugs, the expense, and of not having a baby genetic Janet in this world- but I'm happy that we have options. We have plenty of options, which I suppose is why, 8 months of negative tests later, we are still positive.

A co-worker and friend suddenly passed away last weak, taking me back to one of my core principles: Life is precious- treat it with care, humility, and respect. We can't let an unfulfilled want ruin our ability to appreciate what we already have, which is a life full of laughter, joy, learning, family, friends, art, altruism...I could go on.

Amsale Berhanu- you were a light in this world. I am thankful to have learned so much from you.

1 IUI down...

...13 days of fertilization and cell splitting to go.

Thanks to playing musical meetings at work, I couldn't be there for the big squirt. Apparently she had not 3, but 4 well developed and beautiful follicles raring to go.

We've decided to go the way of the paranoid and cut out all alcohol from this two week wait. It couldn't hurt and in the end, makes going to dinner much less expensive :c) It was rather odd going to the Stars hockey game last night and not drinking beer.

Speaking of hockey last night- I experienced two firsts. I had never been in a corporate box at the American Airlines Center and I had never been to a Stars game where they actually won! 10-2 against the NY Rangers. Go Stars! It was much like watching a ranked college team play a high school team. I was rather sad for the Rangers once it was 8-2.

It is tax time people! We received our refunds on Friday and already have them spent, at least on a spreadsheet.

To do:
Have relevant legal documents drafted, including but not limited to:
Wills, powers of attorney
Have windshield replaced on car
During last weeks Dallas ice storm, a small chip in my windshield turned into a crack that runs all the way from drivers side to passenger side
Full service on both cars, potentially new tires/breaks on the SUV
Full vet workups on all the animals
Supplement emergency fund

Just out of curiosity, do you, like me, use your refund on the elephants in the room that you know need to be taken care off, but that take a couple of months to afford, or do you use it for fun stuff like vacation, day trading accounts, etc?

I'm a spazz, comments to the universe

First of all, if you know me in RL, you know that I'm a royal pain in the ass when I want or need something done. I remember details and typically have a magic data collection spreadsheet in my head that can be used to drop a bomb in a moments notice. It's what makes me good at my job AND a terror to deal with. Unfortunately or fortunately, I approach the TTC journey with this same fervor and tracking.

My heads magic spreadsheet is plagued by the outlier that is Janet's cycle this month. If I were to create a Pareto chart of her day of ovulation, it would firmly show centralized points on days 9-11 and not fit the bell AT ALL- there were no outliers. This month is trying to push me over the edge. We decided to not do baseline sonograms this month because of her predictable ovulation, reliable follicle development and consistently perfect lining. Bad plan. Bad Bad plan. This was the month where we didn't detect ovulation on day 10 or day 11- or day 12 or or or. You get the picture. While it is her body, I'm the one that turns into a wreck when things don't go per my magic spreadsheet. I finally freaked out enough today to call our favorite doctors office and to give in on the sonogram- in fact, I was willing to beg/grovel for a sonogram.

Ladies and gents- she just called post sonogram. She has three beautiful follicles and has definitely not yet ovulated. She's on her way to pick up a trigger shot (Ovidril) and will ask her co-worker K (an extraordinary nurse and one of our best friends) to stick her as soon as she walks back into the office. We will go in for the IUI on Saturday morning!

Now for notes to the universe:

Dear Universe,

While I understand that the statistics are against us, we've defied the odds before. Who would have thought that a woman from Texas would meet a woman from Florida thanks to a last minute training class the Texas woman was asked to attend. Who would have thought that they would have been seated next to one another. Who would have known that their in class smart alec comments would later blossom into a cross state romance. Who would have thought that the cross state romance would actually last and turn into a home and a marriage based on mutual trust, support, respect and admiration.

Universe and fate, you've worked for us before- please help us make a baby, against the odds.

Vacation!

I just booked a mini vacation for us to D.C. from March 18th through the 22nd! I love love love to play tourist there. So far, this will be one of the least expensive mini vacations ever. I used the last of my U.S. Air miles for our flights and booked a 4 star hotel on priceline for $90 a night (Omni Shoreham). The TripAdvisor reviews are pretty decent and its about a block from a metro stop. I don't think we will get a car because one of the things that I've loved most about being in D.C. for work in the past has been the public transportation.

So, we will be on vacation in D.C. and hopefully, MBW will be fighting off morning sickness while we're there. I think that's a pretty odd thing to wish for- but I'm pretty sure MBW would agree!

So far, on my list of places I would like to visit, pending MBW's agreement (along with the usual Smithsonian's):

The Newseum
The Capital Steps- the make me roll over laughing

What else might be off the beaten path? Recommendations?

Just because I'm still in a mood...

The email I received from two different reps from CAR:

Thank you so much for contacting the Center for Assisted Reproduction. We do treat same-sex females who wish to become pregnant using donor sperm with IVF as well as IUI. However, we do not treat patients using a gestational carrier for social reasons. We only use that treatment when it is medically necessary (when the woman does not have a uterus or cannot carry a pregnancy. Therefore, we would treat either you or your partner using donor sperm. However, our clinic policy would not allow either partner to donate eggs to the other. Please let us know if you have additional questions or concerns. We wish you the best of luck!

My response:

Thank you for your previous responses. I'm trying to better digest those responses so would appreciate your response to the below.
My partner is 44, soon to be 45 . It was judged that she has less than a minimal likelihood of pregnancy with her own eggs. Our doctor recommended that she pursue pregnancy through donor eggs.

Per your website: http://www.donoregginfo.com/html/recipients/faq.html

What features are important in selecting an egg donor?Ideally, the donor should be a woman less than age 30 who is anon-smoker, has no history of prior infertility herself, is of normal body weight, and has an unremarkable medical and genetic history. A known donor between the ages of 30 and 35 may be selected by the couple if she is a suitable candidate. Assessment of the donor's ovarian reserve with antral follicle count and ovarian volumes by ultrasound are used as predictive tests for both anonymous and known egg donors.

It appears that if my partner were my friend, and I met your normal egg donor assessment (I'm 27, with normal test results as outlined above), I could donate to her. However, because she is my domestic/same sex partner, I cannot.

Please validate this distinction. My friend is also considering an egg donor and I would like to know if your policy would preclude me from donating to her, should I meet the criteria.

Needless to say, I haven't heard back yet. I should probably drop this, but I feel the point needs to be made. If they are going to refer to one situation as utilizing a gestational carrier (Same sex partner) and simply a donor egg situation for another (friend), I would appreciate it if they would just admit that they have a social bias.

:::End Negativity:::

On a positive note, the fertility monitor went up to the two bar mark today, so we know that yet another opportunity for a miracle is in the works. My wife is an amazing, positive, laid back and warm person. I'm so lucky that she wanted to go and continues to go on this journey with me. We are both so lucky to also have found support and help at UTSW with Dr. Wilson and the rest of the staff at the clinic.