CD1

Yesterday was CD1- and what a horrible start it was! I had accidentally been off the pill the prior month (I thought I was set up for auto delivery from my mail order pharm- not so much!), so wasn't quite sure what to expect. As we were about to start cleaning up from dinner - I swear I almost doubled over from an onset of cramps. I don't think I've experienced anything that bad since I was in middle school and the ibuprofen was in my mom's bedroom and I didn't want to wake her. Anyway, 1 heating bad. 1 hour, and 4 ibuprofen later, I was ok. I'm now happily back on the BCP's that apparently, will hold my cycle until Janet catches up in ~9 days. I called the Dr's office this morning (per their directions) and the nurse told me Dr. H would start developing the protocol.

Janet now has ~9 days to get her required pap smear and physical that apparently she's been putting off, and now- I really really really have to go back to the evil LabCorp for my FDA panel blood draw. Hopefully this time they won't make me wait forever for nothing.
On an interesting note- this morning I walked in the office to a gaping hole near my desk. Apparently someone drove through a window (accidentally). Since I know everyone is ok, I feel like it's ok to laugh- these things just don't happen in our world! They've been boarding up the hole, cleaning up the glass, etc for the past two hours- its making me nuts! On the other hand, its nice and cool outside (for Texas) and the new "ventilation" has made the temp pretty nice.

Its really about to start...

Forgive me blogworld for I have sinned- Its been forever since my last post.



This ivf, egg donor thing is really about to kick off.



I had my egg donor consult last Friday. It was essentially an office visit with Dr. Haas where he explained the same things he did before when Janet and I were together followed by a pelvic exam featuring the ever so fabulous dildo cam. There was really nothing of note until the nurse took me into the room to ask all of the FDA questions. They were pretty damn funny. Luckily, the nurse had a great sense of humor as well. When the office visit was over, they told me I should go grab lunch because the lab for my FDA panel was closed for another 30 minutes. I took the opportunity to grab my ever so favorite chicken salad sandwich at corner bakery. I arrived back about 15 minutes after the lab reopened to find 6 or so people waiting in the waiting room. Apparently they only had one person working and she was doing the job of receptionist, phlebotomist, pee cup labeler, etc. I waited 30-45 minutes until my name was called. She took me back, looked at her lab sheet, left for a minute, and returned to say- sorry, the last FedEx pickup was at 11:15- we can't do your FDA panel today- can you comeback on Monday? Grrrrr.



It is now Thursday and I still haven't taken my pretty little blood rec back to the lab. I need to call to find out if I need a new rec, if I've screwed everything up- blah blah blah.



I'm totally psyched that this is all really about to happen! I'm supposed to call on my next CD 1 so they can start the bcp's and lupron. Janet is 5-7 days behind me cycle wise.



Questions for the experts on the lupron- what were your side effects? My sister in law says she felt super lethargic. Opinions?



And now, just for fun, a completely self involved and bad pic of us while we were in Pittsburgh.

Skipping Class

Don't look down on me if you are a culinary genius- but...I'm skipping class to make tortilla soup loosely inspired by Rachel Ray's Mean Grean Chicken Tortilla Soup. I say loosely because while I do use lots of tomatillos and a beer base- I basically clean out my fridge for all the other veggies.

For some reason, skipping class for the catharsis of chopping veggies for an hour sounds totally worth it.

Today was one of those days at work that was pure frustration. I was working with massive amounts of data and my CPU was not liking it at all- so what should have taken me an hour took me 5. Not being able to send and receive emails, use im, or surf while data loads is abso-fu$king-lutely miserable! Perhaps thats why I need a little rythmnic chopping action in my life?

In more relevent news, Janet had her pre-op consult for Friday's surgery. Dr. Le instead of Dr. Haas will be doing the surgery and she really liked him.

In less relevent news, I've surrendered to my own weakness. I can't workout by myself. I tried. After 6 weeks of having a personal trainer, I thought I could do it on my own- had the trainer design a workout and everything- but it.just.doesn't.work. I start a workout and succumb to my own self doubt as to whether or not I'm doing it right, how stupid I look, whatever. I end up stopping before the workout is complete and run over to the the treadmill to do the only thing I'm sure I know how to do. For some reason, paying someone to reassure me during the process, urge me on- totally works. The fact that she's totally hot probably helps too- to workout harder at least :c)

Off to the grocery store- need vitamins and jalepenos.

Finally a TTC update!

:::does happy dance to fertility deities:::

We finally got our property tax refund (part of the IVF cost) and I'm now comfortable taking a 401K loan for the rest (arrrrrrrrrgh!).

Janet has a polyp removed on Friday- shouldn't be a big deal, but I really don't want to see her in pain :c( We're planning on a homebody weekend full of couch snuggling, old movies and crappy food. Anyone have any experience with polyp removal they want to share? We've been told it's like a very crampy period.

With the polyp removed and the amount of time that it takes for the 401K loan to process, I'm thinking we will be on the September cycle- perhaps earlier, but I would rather be less optimistic.

I need to schedule my battery of FDA mandated tests for egg donors. I think its so funny that men can donate sperm to their wives for iui and not have to go through an FDA panel, but I do to donate it to my wife (yes, I know, Texas, USA doesn't consider us married). Lets hope the track marks don't disqualify me ;c). I wonder how many of the FDA tests I can get my insurance to pay for by just asking for them as part of a routine physical?

Advanced Reproductive Care of Irving

I can make the declaration now- we've found THE clinic and THE doctor.

First the fun of getting there- I couldn't find the building and Janet got stuck in unmoving traffic while on her way, so we initially didn't know if the appointment would even happen. I actually walked in the Baylor Hospital, not realizing that the clinic was a separate entity- the GPS didn't help either.

Our appointment was with Dr. Haas. He was super nice and thorough without being condescending. He drew out on paper what our cycles would look like, differentiated between the drugs and tests we would each require, etc. (Being the LEAN business geek that I am, I'm considering creating Visio flow charts for him so he doesn't have to draw it out for future clients.)

Now comes the amazing part- the cost! ~$8,000 including meds! I nearly did a happy dance in the office. We can "afford" to make a baby and eventually feed it too!

Afford is a relative term however- we can't honestly say that I have $8000 sitting in a checking account (and yes, I know that I should).

Janet had a histosonogram yesterday- they seem to require it for all patients- and they found a polyp. Apparently the removal procedure is pretty easy, but I still feel bad for Janet- she's already had a fibroid removed. From what she told me, it doesn't sound like its a big deal fertility wise though.

Ohohohohohohoh- and another super cool thing that made me/us happy- Nurse Christy, one of the nurses we liked at UTSW, is now at the clinic managing the IVF patients. She stopped by to see us while we were waiting to find out the cost "stuff". She was known for crossing her fingers for us after every IUI. Its so nice to have a familiar face around.

We are thinking we will start our cycle in August. It will give us time to get finances in order and get all the tests, ordering of "specimen", and legal paperwork in place.

That reminds me- I found it interesting that we can go to our own lawyer to get the paperwork drawn up for the egg donation and embryo ownership. We went to Lorie Burch for our wills- I'm wondering if she can create these documents as well. We're pretty sure we'll use Suzanne Bryant for our 2nd parent adoption...which to choose... Heck, it might not even be a choice, one or the other might not choose to perform those kinds of agreements...did I mention we both love Lorie and her being here in Dallas versus in Austin...

A Smattering of Updates

Yesterday was a good day!

1. I found out that the city is refunding ~$800 in overpaid taxes. The check should arrive this week and will promptly be deposited into a high yield savings account (anyone have a preferred online bank for these?)
2. I called the State of Florida office that handles adoption information. Josette Marquess, the exceptionally nice and overworked handler of all non-identifying info, let me know she was dropping my information in the mail that same day!
3. Jennifer, my favorite nurse for UTSW called me back about my test results and told me not to worry. She also told me not to obsessively seek info on the Internet (she knows me so well) and cause additional stress. They are probably just going to invite me in for a sono to check my cysts out. (While she didn't say it, I think the inference is that if the elevated E2 can be attributed to my PCOS, they are less worried about an artificially suppressed FSH- not sure, thought it makes me feel better to tell myself that)
4. I ran/jogged/flailed at a decent pace for 2.5 miles- and felt like I had a little left to give. My recent re-engagement of a trainer, finding a gym in which I'm comfortable, and finding strength within my own body I didn't know I had has done amazing things for my confidence levels and sex drive (yeah, sorry if you didn't want to know that)
5. I booked tickets for our trip to Pittsburgh for my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. We are staying with my "Aunt" Nancy's family. They have a baby girl I can't wait to meet. I'm giddy as I haven't been up there since high school. Oddly, even being the little Southern girl that I am, I really enjoy the Pittsburgh landscape. I think it was the first place I visited with so many Universities in area. My favorite memories are of Big Joe (my grandfather) taking me around Carnegie Mellon. I was SO impressed.

It IS the month of HOPE!

A few weeks ago, seeing these posts would have enabled my wallowing in self pity. This month, with our various doctors appointments, and nothing telling us for sure that we are going to have more issues, seeing positive pregnancy tests in blogland makes me jump for joy!

Give your love, support, good karma, prayers etc to Amy & Melissa's Baby Blog and Two Hot Mommas. They got their BFP's!

Shopping Around and Being a Drama Queen

So last week we had our "financial consult" with SIRM Dallas...

For for me to donate my eggs to be used for Janet to have IVF we are looking at the following costs:
Single Cycle with Ovum Donor, Gestational Carrier, or Ovum Donor & Gestational Carrier

$11,550.00

Included:
Office Visits
Venipunctures
Serum estradiol hormone tests
Ultrasound exams of uterus and ovary(ies)
Egg Retrieval including procedure room fee and surgical supplies
Culture and fertilization of embryos
Embryo Transfer (ET) with ultrasound guidance and supplies
Two (2) Beta hCG pregnancy tests

Not included:
Meds
Anesthesia Supplies
Anesthesia Provider
Assisted Hatching
ICSI, etc
(you get the picture)

Given that after our first meeting I wasn't exactly in love with Dr. Saleh- he wasn't capable of performing a miracle with my wife's beautiful ova- and using donor eggs is a fairly basic, fertility clinic procedure- We/I decided we needed to shop around. Doctors Le and Haas in Irving will work with lesbians (where one wants to donate an egg to the other- or at least that is what we've heard) and their fees appear to be SO much less! We have a consult with Dr. Haas this Thursday.

Due to my PCOS, Dr. Saleh asked me to come into his clinic for a day three FSH test and a glucose tolerance test. Not wanting to go to some fertility clinic where I lacked relationships, I opted to call my most favorite UT Southwestern. On Friday I did the glucose tolerance test and this morning I did the day three FSH. My favorite nurse Jennifer just left me a message with the FSH test results:

FSH: 6.9- good
E2- 88- not so good.

Jennifer said she was going to check with Dr. Wilson to see if she wanted me to come in to see if I have cysts, which are known to cause elevated E2 levels. Well my friends, I have PCOS- so of course I have cysts (or at least I did 2 years ago when I was diagnosed).

I'm now off to frantically search the Internet to find out what can be done to get the E2 levels down even though I have PCOS or at least determine if I should be worried- because right now I'm having a little coronary.

Pool Fairy

This is what happens when you make a wish on Facebook that a fairy would delivery a kiddie pool to your front yard- and one is magically delivered!

Loss and Hope

Loss and hope are what we are feeling in our household after phone consult over the phone with Dr. Saleh of SIRM.

While Janet had filled out lots-o-forms pre-consult, her actual records from Dr. Wilson's office had not yet made it over. We couldn't answer the specific questions like "what was her FSH level on day 3 and on day 10". All I could say was that I remembered she had been borderline.

Consult thoughts/feelings:
Dr. Saleh was about 30 minutes late in calling. Not abnormal for a doctor, but for some reason, waiting by the phone made both of us more anxious than if we were in the office. He was apologetic and patient as I conferenced Janet in. As was previously mentioned, during the chart review, he didn't have much to go on other than what we could recall. Who knows why charts take so long to get from point a to point b in the day and age of digital medical records... He was blunt but kind about our state of affairs which I appreciated. He was a bit remedial in explaining the details of ovarian reserve, declines with aging, etc, but I'm sure patients at the beginning of the process would have been more appreciative. When I disclosed my PCOS status as a potential egg donor, I didn't like that he questioned whether or not my PCOS diagnoses was real or not- I didn't go to a some backwoods doctor- I went to an expert in the field who gave me thorough review. Overall, he a little condescending but confident, competent, and straight forward.

During the consultation he expressed surprise that Janet had been encouraged/allowed to do 9 medicated IUI's at her age and hadn't been immediately encouraged to do IVF while she was still 44. I didn't really know how to respond. Dr. Wilson wasn't pushy and we weren't keen on the expense. In hindsight, it might have been worth it- aggregated cost of 9 medicated IUI's, sonograms, sperm would have probably equalled the cost of one IVF... Oh well.

The net of the overall conversation was that Janet has chosen to use use my eggs. This is where the sense of loss comes in. I can't imagine, for Janet, how it must feel to be told that you can't use your genetic material. I know that she must have some fantasies about her baby- his or her natural traits, etc. My heart weeps for her, for us. I think I've mentioned it in blog posts before, but I have dreams of our sturdy little boy or girl with her brown almond shaped eyes and round rear end- The little boy or girl with the silent but deadly sense of humor and the mischievous glimmer of the eye and an affinity for all things athletic.

On the hope side of the scale, we now have hope that we could have a baby this year, or at least she could be pregnant with one. I started to write "complete hope", but that isn't exactly true. I have PCOS impacted eggs- we have no idea how I'll respond to drugs, how the eggs could be impacted by insulin exposure, etc. We also don't know exactly how much all of this is going to cost and how we can pay for it. I have a feeling we are going to go the much advised against route of borrowing against the 401K's- at least we would be paying interest back to ourselves.

So, next steps with SIRM:
- Chart review with the IVF nurse: J & M
- "Financial" consult: J & M
- FSH testing: M
- Fasting insulin & glucose test: M

After we meet with the IVF nurse I'm sure I'll have more updates on the treatment protocols.

9th time wasn't the charm

For those that inquired about our status- thanks for the prompt.

I've been avoiding blogging, for fear of not being able to say anything positive- in fact, I wrote an entirely bitter and angry post that I subsequently deleted, but at least I got the words out of my system.

After Janet peeing on what must have been $80 bucks worth of pregnancy tests, aunt flow came raging in. My heart broke for her every time the pregnancy test said "not pregnant". There are only so many times you can laughingly add "yet!" to the statement.

I called SIRM and Janet has a consult with them next week. Depending on what the doctor says, on to IVF we go. Now we get to figure out where the money is going to come from as well.

Sorry for the morose post.

Friday night at home

After a long week, MBW, henceforth known as Janet (since I realized her team name on our profile shows up anyway) planned a night of dominoes and beer at our Casa. Given that I haven't played dominoes since I was six-ish and beer was involved. I was game.

I had fun going to the beer store on the drive home.

I picked out three beers I had never had before, but that sounded good on the label. A dangerous thing I'm sure.

The first selection was Shiner Hefeweizen. I had not idea Shiner ventured into the realm of Hefewizens and wanted to give it a try, particularly since its from Texas. I have to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed. The flavors of fruit weren't particular pronounced and each sip didn't make me want to take another.

The next was New Belgium's Mighty Arrow. For this one, I really wasn't sure what to expect. Pale- well duh- it's going to be a more refreshing taste, but other than that, no expectations.
It smelled citrusy, but also a bit like walnuts and pine nuts smell when you toast them together. When drinking, the citrus wasn't pronounced, but merged well with a nutty flavor. This one I did look forward to the next sip.

Finally, we tried Widmer Brothers Drop Top Amber Ale. I actually bought this one thinking that Janet's brother would be stopping by- and he enjoys beer with a bit more body (In fact, I think some of his preferreds would walk on their own.) I have to be honest and say I didn't finish the bottle- but I enjoyed it. The blend of honey and wheat was pleasant, but after two other beers, popcorn, chips, and girl scout cookies- I just wasn't in for much.

I had more fun playing dominoes that I thought I would. We played an easy game so I could learn and I started to pick up on strategy- just enough to use it to screw myself later!
From what I saw on a website, I think this is the game we played. After 5 games, we switched to Scrabble, which oddly enough, our brilliant friend- A from the family C, had never played before.

Hopefully there will be many more game nights to come!

Patience Pays Off

She surged! Ovulation detected last night and again this morning. She's on her way to RE's as we speak.


A picture of MBW's favorite dog just for smiles and good measure:

Meet Mathilda. MBW found her as an 8 week old puppy in a mud puddle after a rain storm. **

**Update** Insemination complete. She had four good follicles. On the left she had a 32 and a 27. On the right, which they were far less impressed by, she had a 14 and a 13. As per usual, her lining and her mucus looked great.

Fertile thoughts!

Just Icky

What is bound to happen if you routinely leave your phone on a stack of magazines on the back of your toilet?

Oh yeah, it was disgusting. The phone fell in the porcelain goddess at the most inopportune moment.

Lucky for me, a person had the same phone on Ebay for a darn good price.

Funny part was that the person I'm buying the phone from is in Crestview, Florida. The same beautiful place where my mother was in the hospital recently, and where one of my Senior prom dates was from. I know I probably shouldn't be surprised- the area is the location of the largest Air Force base in the world, with thousands of people also landing for tourism- but the redneck riviera keeps presenting itself in my life. I know its in my blood- sugar white sand and gulf air will forever send waves of energy through my spine- but the inland parts, where I was always trying to escape- come on!

Anyway, slightly used Sony Ericsson phone is on its way to me from Cres-tucky, Florida. Thank goodness for Ebay, being able to afford a replacement, and finally learning the lesson that neither magazines nor phones should be on the back of porcelain goddesses.

In TTC news, MBW has not surged and its day 11. We ran out of CBE monitor sticks so will have to rely on the normal OPK's. We're desperately trying to remain patient and not rush off to buy Ovidril. Why spend $75 bucks on something her body can do on its own- though it would be nice to be able to plan the insemination time...

Ohohoh, and celebratory news, our friend Ginny's pregnancy test is still positive! She will be the first from our Cryobank Friends Dallas group to get pregnant!

Weekend Recap

We were lucky enough to have multiple options for our Friday. We were invited by two new friends in our neighborhood to do a gay bar hop in celebration to the restaurant and bar scene in Dallas being newly smoke free. Janet's brother invited us out to dinner at our favorite pizza place- Eno's. Finally, we have a standing Friday potential date with our friends- the family C. We bought our house from the family C and they moved a whole two streets away. They have a great front porch for drinking Mr. C's fabulous concoctions.

After a frustrating week, all I really wanted to do was go home, relax/veg for a couple of hours and enjoy a black dragon, crafted with care by Mr. C and some fabulous conversation and banter. Lucky for me, everyone in the family C was well, so my wish came true. I came home to MBW working in the yard. I offered to make dinner in exchange for not having to work outside (awesome trade, right?) and made some quick and easy grilled salsa chicken sandwiches. We enjoyed our sandwiches, relaxed, and headed over to the C's. One double black dragon and all was well with the world.

Saturday was fairly scheduled, but most things fell through, which was good. In the evening we were to attend the Community in Schools Celebrating Successes event with some people from my office. The dress was "Texas Cocktail" which I had clarified by an event organizer as normal cocktail wear, but you can wear boots and a cowboy hat. Umm, yeah, not so much. MBW was hoping it meant jeans and boots- I truly enjoyed breaking the news. So anyway, we spent most of the day in Northpark Mall finding slacks and shoes for MBW. We were serious power shoppers. I ended up in a dress- the first time in over a year and she in a beautiful sequined top with well fitting trousers. She looked beee-uuuuu-tiful. We had much fun with our friends from work and left the even inspired. CIS does such an amazing job in the local schools and my company is lucky to partner with them.

This morning we slept in- sadly, there are few things I enjoy as much as sleep. MBW's birthday was Wednesday. The family celebration was held at noon in a new restaurant in Addison called Masaryk's. It's owned by family friend Gabe, who catered the brother in law's wedding and is also owner of family favorite, La Margarita, in Irving. The restaurant didn't disappoint! The service was even better than at La Margarita and the interior was lovely.

We came home for a nap- sleep in, take naps- we live the life! Instead of napping, we watched the ever so fabulous Cary Grant in Mister Blandings Builds His Dream House . I'm so glad she loves those old movies and I get the benefit of enjoying them. The dialogue was so witty. When we finally pulled ourselves out of bed, we went for a neighborhood walk and meandered over to the home of our favorite guys' house where our friend L was sipping wine on the front porch. We were invited up for a glass and were sitting around when an unfortunate thing happened. We hear guttural screams of an animal from a nearby street. Being the animal freaks that MBW, L, and I are, we went running for the screams. A poor little pug had been hit buy a car. L went for a towel while we went for the pug. We rushed him to the local ER vet and turned him over. The vet wasn't sure if we was going to make it (mainly due to potential spinal injury), but we will know if he does tomorrow if he's handed over to the city of Dallas. If he makes it, we'll get L's partner involved (he works with a group called Paws in the City) to make sure he gets a good home.

Now I'm off the adrenaline, finished doing some work to prep for tomorrow and am feeling grateful for all the good parts of the weekend.

MBW is on day 9 of her cycle and the monitor has two notches. I'm sure we'll be inseminating this week, so- need all the good mojo we can get. It would be great not to have to go with IVF.

Hope everyone else had a great weekend. I'm celebrating and praying for my friend Ginny who POS and got two pink lines this weekend! She has her in clinic pregnancy test tomorrow- so send her all of your good vibes!

SIRM

MBW's brother and wife are attepting to have a baby via IVF and have stumbled upon a new Doctor/Clinic after a poor experience with CAR.

The new clinic is the Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicine and they are seeing *I think* Dr. Walid Saleh. In first going through their website, it looks like they are going to be gay/lesbian friendly based on reason five here.

Does anyone out there have experience with SIRM? If you had an experience, how was your patient experience, did you find it to be more or less expensive than other clinics, etc?

The New and/Revised Plan

Alright, so finally, a post related to what this journal was originally created for- TTC'ing!

We're on a new plan of action- or at least a revised plan of action. After two months off, figuring out what we were going to do, dealing with my mother related stuff, our dog stuff, and generally attempting to save money, MBW is on day 3 of her cycle and we are planning on an a triggered clomid IUI this month. We are going to do without formal monitoring as we've never had any issues with follicles not developing or lining thickness- and I swear, I'm not going to freak out on day 11 and spend $233 on a sonogram prior to her insemination.

What if number 9 doesn't work?

We have plans for that too!

After going back and forth, MBW has decided to go forward with an IVF using her own eggs. (Did I mention that there is really nothing more I want in this world than little boy and girl versions of my beautiful wife?!?!) We're still trying to figure out how to pay for it, but she wants to be pregnant by the end of the year or not at all. Disappointing to me, but if I were turning 45 in a few days, I think I would feel the same way.

If IVF with her eggs doesn't work, before the end of the year, we'll try with my eggs- and even if we don't end up trying with them, I think I still want to have embryo's frozen. My fertility will start to decline soon- and I really don't want to face this much time/heartache if there is any way to have an insurance policy if you will.

For IVF with her eggs we will be able to stay with Dr. Wilson at UTSW. For her to have IVF with my eggs, we might have to go to Dr. Le, or we might be able to stay at UTSW depending on if they get their legal documentation in order by then. I would truly love to be able to stay at UTSW and we've gotten so used to the wonderful nursing staff and doctors there- here's to hoping they get their legal stuff in order so I could donate eggs there.

Anyway, just sent an email over to MBW to make sure she had a Clomid script and knew went to start it. Its odd how after two months off, I don't remember when to remind her ;c)

A New Point of Reference

For my 27 years I've been told that I was a scientific miracle. The product of my mothers eggs, the sperm of a Mexican genius, and a surrogate mother. I've been told that the procedure was performed in Mexico and the surrogate delivered in Fort Walton Beach, Florida where I was promptly "adopted" because the state didn't have rules for such things.

This was in 1982- the procedure wasn't even done successfully in the US until 1981. My mother was 50 and egg cryo-preservation wasn't done successfully until post 1982. Given that my dear wife is 44 and they give her very low statistics with her own eggs and IVF- when thought through, the story gets less and less plausible.

As we've progressed through our own fertility process, I became more and more skeptical. I don't look anything like my mother. I don't look anything like my siblings.

I remember finding the adoption info one day when snooping through a folder with my name on it in my mother's filing cabinet. It gave some specifics about the height and weight of the birth mother, I vaguely remember a first name. At the time, I simply attributed it to the story mentioned above.

I had been thinking of asking my brother or sister for a DNA test just to confirm or deny my suspicions. I never got around to it, and instead, mentioned it to my niece this weekend while we were on vacation in DC. *Side note- my niece and I are the same age* She came clean with me- they had all known for years. Based on my niece's recollection of the story, my sister had been an acquaintance of my birth mother, who apparently got pregnant by a sailor (Pensacola NAS and Eglin AFB are both close- so very plausible). My mother who was teaching at the local university reached out to one of her college classes- communicating that she was looking to adopt a child and if they knew anyone in a 'bad' way, to make contact. Out of respect for my mother and the secrecy she was sworn to, she can't give me any additional info- but I was directed to friends of the family and my brother. I send my brother an email and haven't heard back yet- hopefully he will have some interesting or enlightening comments.

I've gone through a few stages of emotion. The first was thrill that I was correct in my doubts. Next came the thrill that I'm not biologically related to my mother- who is often cruel and manipulative. Then I was angry. How dare something something so basic be kept from me? While it doesn't change fundamentally who I am, I have a right to know medical risk information- especially now as we embark on this journey. Now I'm simply curious and amazed. There might be someone else in this world who looks like me or has my same obnoxious laugh, or anything else. My curiosity has led me to take steps to get the non identifying information from the state related to my birth. I wish my memory were clearer, but I really don't remember all of the details from the first and last time I read the info in 9th or 10th grade.

I think I will probably attempt to search for my birth parents after I get the info. I doubt they have ever looked for me as I've looked on several of the adoption/reunion websites and have found no traces of someone looking for a baby girl born on my birthday. A friend said that the worse thing that could happen would be for them to:
a. be in jail
b. not want to make contact
In either case, I wouldn't be any worse for the wear than I am now.

For the love of beer

Since meeting MBW, moving to Texas, and visiting Eno's on a regular basis, I've become an amateur beer lover/taster. Just like wine, I can taste the different notes- honey, florals, hops, etc. Also, unlike wine, beer never gives me a headache afterwards. After mentally making it ok in my mind to be a beer lover, I've jumped off a beer cliff. Since starting Weight Watchers to get both my weight and blood sugar under control, I haven't imbibed much, mostly due to knowledge that when drinking beer, fattening food like pizza is normally involved.

Well folks, I found the best blog entry ever! First, its super fab to find a beer blog written by a woman, second, she has calories/ww points with them! I can enjoy without guilt now!

We're off to the Irish festival this afternoon with MBW's brother (A) and sister in law (J). Now I know that I can enjoy a Harp (versus a Guinness, which I always thought would be better for you- go figure) and a walk! Now I just have to stay away from the food, which shouldn't be a huge problem. I was never a fan of the food while I was in the country itself or at the Festival...

And for no real reason- my favorite Beers/Ales

New Belgium Mothership Whit
New Belgium Blue Paddle
Dales Pale Ale
Pyramid Apricot Ale
Brother Thelonious
Blue Moon
Left Hand Milk Stout

What are your favorites/recommendations to a newer lover of beer?

Not this month

To start off with, a few things that made me happy today:

1. I initiated a refinance on the house. For our current payment, I can refinance the house house for 15 years instead of 30. Score!
2. My blog was part of the latest post on LesbianFamily.org, one of the first websites I found when I started researching the pregnancy process.
3. I enjoyed a tortilla with local honey for dessert.

MBW had jury duty today- I didn't think she would actually be picked. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who was selected for a jury- but then, I count amongst my friends a high number of lawyers and book throwers. She was picked- for a case involving sexual assault of a minor. I don't know details of the case- and I'm not sure I want to unless, after the case is over it will help her process. Given the nature of the crime she will be rendering judgement on- and the psychological/psychosomatic impacts it may have, we decided tonight it would be better to not inseminate this cycle. I'm some mix of relieved and let down. There is something thrilling about seeing the ovulation line on the OPK and the third bar on the CBE monitor, followed by the excited call to the doctors office. On the other hand, I'm relieved to not have to confront a potential negative ending for another month as well- or the thought of the 6 to 10 k cost of IVF later down the road. We have one more vial of our hunky East Indian Scotsman on ice- just waiting for another chance for success.

What good things happened to you today?