Loss and Hope

Loss and hope are what we are feeling in our household after phone consult over the phone with Dr. Saleh of SIRM.

While Janet had filled out lots-o-forms pre-consult, her actual records from Dr. Wilson's office had not yet made it over. We couldn't answer the specific questions like "what was her FSH level on day 3 and on day 10". All I could say was that I remembered she had been borderline.

Consult thoughts/feelings:
Dr. Saleh was about 30 minutes late in calling. Not abnormal for a doctor, but for some reason, waiting by the phone made both of us more anxious than if we were in the office. He was apologetic and patient as I conferenced Janet in. As was previously mentioned, during the chart review, he didn't have much to go on other than what we could recall. Who knows why charts take so long to get from point a to point b in the day and age of digital medical records... He was blunt but kind about our state of affairs which I appreciated. He was a bit remedial in explaining the details of ovarian reserve, declines with aging, etc, but I'm sure patients at the beginning of the process would have been more appreciative. When I disclosed my PCOS status as a potential egg donor, I didn't like that he questioned whether or not my PCOS diagnoses was real or not- I didn't go to a some backwoods doctor- I went to an expert in the field who gave me thorough review. Overall, he a little condescending but confident, competent, and straight forward.

During the consultation he expressed surprise that Janet had been encouraged/allowed to do 9 medicated IUI's at her age and hadn't been immediately encouraged to do IVF while she was still 44. I didn't really know how to respond. Dr. Wilson wasn't pushy and we weren't keen on the expense. In hindsight, it might have been worth it- aggregated cost of 9 medicated IUI's, sonograms, sperm would have probably equalled the cost of one IVF... Oh well.

The net of the overall conversation was that Janet has chosen to use use my eggs. This is where the sense of loss comes in. I can't imagine, for Janet, how it must feel to be told that you can't use your genetic material. I know that she must have some fantasies about her baby- his or her natural traits, etc. My heart weeps for her, for us. I think I've mentioned it in blog posts before, but I have dreams of our sturdy little boy or girl with her brown almond shaped eyes and round rear end- The little boy or girl with the silent but deadly sense of humor and the mischievous glimmer of the eye and an affinity for all things athletic.

On the hope side of the scale, we now have hope that we could have a baby this year, or at least she could be pregnant with one. I started to write "complete hope", but that isn't exactly true. I have PCOS impacted eggs- we have no idea how I'll respond to drugs, how the eggs could be impacted by insulin exposure, etc. We also don't know exactly how much all of this is going to cost and how we can pay for it. I have a feeling we are going to go the much advised against route of borrowing against the 401K's- at least we would be paying interest back to ourselves.

So, next steps with SIRM:
- Chart review with the IVF nurse: J & M
- "Financial" consult: J & M
- FSH testing: M
- Fasting insulin & glucose test: M

After we meet with the IVF nurse I'm sure I'll have more updates on the treatment protocols.

9th time wasn't the charm

For those that inquired about our status- thanks for the prompt.

I've been avoiding blogging, for fear of not being able to say anything positive- in fact, I wrote an entirely bitter and angry post that I subsequently deleted, but at least I got the words out of my system.

After Janet peeing on what must have been $80 bucks worth of pregnancy tests, aunt flow came raging in. My heart broke for her every time the pregnancy test said "not pregnant". There are only so many times you can laughingly add "yet!" to the statement.

I called SIRM and Janet has a consult with them next week. Depending on what the doctor says, on to IVF we go. Now we get to figure out where the money is going to come from as well.

Sorry for the morose post.

Friday night at home

After a long week, MBW, henceforth known as Janet (since I realized her team name on our profile shows up anyway) planned a night of dominoes and beer at our Casa. Given that I haven't played dominoes since I was six-ish and beer was involved. I was game.

I had fun going to the beer store on the drive home.

I picked out three beers I had never had before, but that sounded good on the label. A dangerous thing I'm sure.

The first selection was Shiner Hefeweizen. I had not idea Shiner ventured into the realm of Hefewizens and wanted to give it a try, particularly since its from Texas. I have to be honest and say I was a bit disappointed. The flavors of fruit weren't particular pronounced and each sip didn't make me want to take another.

The next was New Belgium's Mighty Arrow. For this one, I really wasn't sure what to expect. Pale- well duh- it's going to be a more refreshing taste, but other than that, no expectations.
It smelled citrusy, but also a bit like walnuts and pine nuts smell when you toast them together. When drinking, the citrus wasn't pronounced, but merged well with a nutty flavor. This one I did look forward to the next sip.

Finally, we tried Widmer Brothers Drop Top Amber Ale. I actually bought this one thinking that Janet's brother would be stopping by- and he enjoys beer with a bit more body (In fact, I think some of his preferreds would walk on their own.) I have to be honest and say I didn't finish the bottle- but I enjoyed it. The blend of honey and wheat was pleasant, but after two other beers, popcorn, chips, and girl scout cookies- I just wasn't in for much.

I had more fun playing dominoes that I thought I would. We played an easy game so I could learn and I started to pick up on strategy- just enough to use it to screw myself later!
From what I saw on a website, I think this is the game we played. After 5 games, we switched to Scrabble, which oddly enough, our brilliant friend- A from the family C, had never played before.

Hopefully there will be many more game nights to come!

Patience Pays Off

She surged! Ovulation detected last night and again this morning. She's on her way to RE's as we speak.


A picture of MBW's favorite dog just for smiles and good measure:

Meet Mathilda. MBW found her as an 8 week old puppy in a mud puddle after a rain storm. **

**Update** Insemination complete. She had four good follicles. On the left she had a 32 and a 27. On the right, which they were far less impressed by, she had a 14 and a 13. As per usual, her lining and her mucus looked great.

Fertile thoughts!

Just Icky

What is bound to happen if you routinely leave your phone on a stack of magazines on the back of your toilet?

Oh yeah, it was disgusting. The phone fell in the porcelain goddess at the most inopportune moment.

Lucky for me, a person had the same phone on Ebay for a darn good price.

Funny part was that the person I'm buying the phone from is in Crestview, Florida. The same beautiful place where my mother was in the hospital recently, and where one of my Senior prom dates was from. I know I probably shouldn't be surprised- the area is the location of the largest Air Force base in the world, with thousands of people also landing for tourism- but the redneck riviera keeps presenting itself in my life. I know its in my blood- sugar white sand and gulf air will forever send waves of energy through my spine- but the inland parts, where I was always trying to escape- come on!

Anyway, slightly used Sony Ericsson phone is on its way to me from Cres-tucky, Florida. Thank goodness for Ebay, being able to afford a replacement, and finally learning the lesson that neither magazines nor phones should be on the back of porcelain goddesses.

In TTC news, MBW has not surged and its day 11. We ran out of CBE monitor sticks so will have to rely on the normal OPK's. We're desperately trying to remain patient and not rush off to buy Ovidril. Why spend $75 bucks on something her body can do on its own- though it would be nice to be able to plan the insemination time...

Ohohoh, and celebratory news, our friend Ginny's pregnancy test is still positive! She will be the first from our Cryobank Friends Dallas group to get pregnant!

Weekend Recap

We were lucky enough to have multiple options for our Friday. We were invited by two new friends in our neighborhood to do a gay bar hop in celebration to the restaurant and bar scene in Dallas being newly smoke free. Janet's brother invited us out to dinner at our favorite pizza place- Eno's. Finally, we have a standing Friday potential date with our friends- the family C. We bought our house from the family C and they moved a whole two streets away. They have a great front porch for drinking Mr. C's fabulous concoctions.

After a frustrating week, all I really wanted to do was go home, relax/veg for a couple of hours and enjoy a black dragon, crafted with care by Mr. C and some fabulous conversation and banter. Lucky for me, everyone in the family C was well, so my wish came true. I came home to MBW working in the yard. I offered to make dinner in exchange for not having to work outside (awesome trade, right?) and made some quick and easy grilled salsa chicken sandwiches. We enjoyed our sandwiches, relaxed, and headed over to the C's. One double black dragon and all was well with the world.

Saturday was fairly scheduled, but most things fell through, which was good. In the evening we were to attend the Community in Schools Celebrating Successes event with some people from my office. The dress was "Texas Cocktail" which I had clarified by an event organizer as normal cocktail wear, but you can wear boots and a cowboy hat. Umm, yeah, not so much. MBW was hoping it meant jeans and boots- I truly enjoyed breaking the news. So anyway, we spent most of the day in Northpark Mall finding slacks and shoes for MBW. We were serious power shoppers. I ended up in a dress- the first time in over a year and she in a beautiful sequined top with well fitting trousers. She looked beee-uuuuu-tiful. We had much fun with our friends from work and left the even inspired. CIS does such an amazing job in the local schools and my company is lucky to partner with them.

This morning we slept in- sadly, there are few things I enjoy as much as sleep. MBW's birthday was Wednesday. The family celebration was held at noon in a new restaurant in Addison called Masaryk's. It's owned by family friend Gabe, who catered the brother in law's wedding and is also owner of family favorite, La Margarita, in Irving. The restaurant didn't disappoint! The service was even better than at La Margarita and the interior was lovely.

We came home for a nap- sleep in, take naps- we live the life! Instead of napping, we watched the ever so fabulous Cary Grant in Mister Blandings Builds His Dream House . I'm so glad she loves those old movies and I get the benefit of enjoying them. The dialogue was so witty. When we finally pulled ourselves out of bed, we went for a neighborhood walk and meandered over to the home of our favorite guys' house where our friend L was sipping wine on the front porch. We were invited up for a glass and were sitting around when an unfortunate thing happened. We hear guttural screams of an animal from a nearby street. Being the animal freaks that MBW, L, and I are, we went running for the screams. A poor little pug had been hit buy a car. L went for a towel while we went for the pug. We rushed him to the local ER vet and turned him over. The vet wasn't sure if we was going to make it (mainly due to potential spinal injury), but we will know if he does tomorrow if he's handed over to the city of Dallas. If he makes it, we'll get L's partner involved (he works with a group called Paws in the City) to make sure he gets a good home.

Now I'm off the adrenaline, finished doing some work to prep for tomorrow and am feeling grateful for all the good parts of the weekend.

MBW is on day 9 of her cycle and the monitor has two notches. I'm sure we'll be inseminating this week, so- need all the good mojo we can get. It would be great not to have to go with IVF.

Hope everyone else had a great weekend. I'm celebrating and praying for my friend Ginny who POS and got two pink lines this weekend! She has her in clinic pregnancy test tomorrow- so send her all of your good vibes!

SIRM

MBW's brother and wife are attepting to have a baby via IVF and have stumbled upon a new Doctor/Clinic after a poor experience with CAR.

The new clinic is the Sher Institutes for Reproductive Medicine and they are seeing *I think* Dr. Walid Saleh. In first going through their website, it looks like they are going to be gay/lesbian friendly based on reason five here.

Does anyone out there have experience with SIRM? If you had an experience, how was your patient experience, did you find it to be more or less expensive than other clinics, etc?

The New and/Revised Plan

Alright, so finally, a post related to what this journal was originally created for- TTC'ing!

We're on a new plan of action- or at least a revised plan of action. After two months off, figuring out what we were going to do, dealing with my mother related stuff, our dog stuff, and generally attempting to save money, MBW is on day 3 of her cycle and we are planning on an a triggered clomid IUI this month. We are going to do without formal monitoring as we've never had any issues with follicles not developing or lining thickness- and I swear, I'm not going to freak out on day 11 and spend $233 on a sonogram prior to her insemination.

What if number 9 doesn't work?

We have plans for that too!

After going back and forth, MBW has decided to go forward with an IVF using her own eggs. (Did I mention that there is really nothing more I want in this world than little boy and girl versions of my beautiful wife?!?!) We're still trying to figure out how to pay for it, but she wants to be pregnant by the end of the year or not at all. Disappointing to me, but if I were turning 45 in a few days, I think I would feel the same way.

If IVF with her eggs doesn't work, before the end of the year, we'll try with my eggs- and even if we don't end up trying with them, I think I still want to have embryo's frozen. My fertility will start to decline soon- and I really don't want to face this much time/heartache if there is any way to have an insurance policy if you will.

For IVF with her eggs we will be able to stay with Dr. Wilson at UTSW. For her to have IVF with my eggs, we might have to go to Dr. Le, or we might be able to stay at UTSW depending on if they get their legal documentation in order by then. I would truly love to be able to stay at UTSW and we've gotten so used to the wonderful nursing staff and doctors there- here's to hoping they get their legal stuff in order so I could donate eggs there.

Anyway, just sent an email over to MBW to make sure she had a Clomid script and knew went to start it. Its odd how after two months off, I don't remember when to remind her ;c)

A New Point of Reference

For my 27 years I've been told that I was a scientific miracle. The product of my mothers eggs, the sperm of a Mexican genius, and a surrogate mother. I've been told that the procedure was performed in Mexico and the surrogate delivered in Fort Walton Beach, Florida where I was promptly "adopted" because the state didn't have rules for such things.

This was in 1982- the procedure wasn't even done successfully in the US until 1981. My mother was 50 and egg cryo-preservation wasn't done successfully until post 1982. Given that my dear wife is 44 and they give her very low statistics with her own eggs and IVF- when thought through, the story gets less and less plausible.

As we've progressed through our own fertility process, I became more and more skeptical. I don't look anything like my mother. I don't look anything like my siblings.

I remember finding the adoption info one day when snooping through a folder with my name on it in my mother's filing cabinet. It gave some specifics about the height and weight of the birth mother, I vaguely remember a first name. At the time, I simply attributed it to the story mentioned above.

I had been thinking of asking my brother or sister for a DNA test just to confirm or deny my suspicions. I never got around to it, and instead, mentioned it to my niece this weekend while we were on vacation in DC. *Side note- my niece and I are the same age* She came clean with me- they had all known for years. Based on my niece's recollection of the story, my sister had been an acquaintance of my birth mother, who apparently got pregnant by a sailor (Pensacola NAS and Eglin AFB are both close- so very plausible). My mother who was teaching at the local university reached out to one of her college classes- communicating that she was looking to adopt a child and if they knew anyone in a 'bad' way, to make contact. Out of respect for my mother and the secrecy she was sworn to, she can't give me any additional info- but I was directed to friends of the family and my brother. I send my brother an email and haven't heard back yet- hopefully he will have some interesting or enlightening comments.

I've gone through a few stages of emotion. The first was thrill that I was correct in my doubts. Next came the thrill that I'm not biologically related to my mother- who is often cruel and manipulative. Then I was angry. How dare something something so basic be kept from me? While it doesn't change fundamentally who I am, I have a right to know medical risk information- especially now as we embark on this journey. Now I'm simply curious and amazed. There might be someone else in this world who looks like me or has my same obnoxious laugh, or anything else. My curiosity has led me to take steps to get the non identifying information from the state related to my birth. I wish my memory were clearer, but I really don't remember all of the details from the first and last time I read the info in 9th or 10th grade.

I think I will probably attempt to search for my birth parents after I get the info. I doubt they have ever looked for me as I've looked on several of the adoption/reunion websites and have found no traces of someone looking for a baby girl born on my birthday. A friend said that the worse thing that could happen would be for them to:
a. be in jail
b. not want to make contact
In either case, I wouldn't be any worse for the wear than I am now.

For the love of beer

Since meeting MBW, moving to Texas, and visiting Eno's on a regular basis, I've become an amateur beer lover/taster. Just like wine, I can taste the different notes- honey, florals, hops, etc. Also, unlike wine, beer never gives me a headache afterwards. After mentally making it ok in my mind to be a beer lover, I've jumped off a beer cliff. Since starting Weight Watchers to get both my weight and blood sugar under control, I haven't imbibed much, mostly due to knowledge that when drinking beer, fattening food like pizza is normally involved.

Well folks, I found the best blog entry ever! First, its super fab to find a beer blog written by a woman, second, she has calories/ww points with them! I can enjoy without guilt now!

We're off to the Irish festival this afternoon with MBW's brother (A) and sister in law (J). Now I know that I can enjoy a Harp (versus a Guinness, which I always thought would be better for you- go figure) and a walk! Now I just have to stay away from the food, which shouldn't be a huge problem. I was never a fan of the food while I was in the country itself or at the Festival...

And for no real reason- my favorite Beers/Ales

New Belgium Mothership Whit
New Belgium Blue Paddle
Dales Pale Ale
Pyramid Apricot Ale
Brother Thelonious
Blue Moon
Left Hand Milk Stout

What are your favorites/recommendations to a newer lover of beer?

Not this month

To start off with, a few things that made me happy today:

1. I initiated a refinance on the house. For our current payment, I can refinance the house house for 15 years instead of 30. Score!
2. My blog was part of the latest post on LesbianFamily.org, one of the first websites I found when I started researching the pregnancy process.
3. I enjoyed a tortilla with local honey for dessert.

MBW had jury duty today- I didn't think she would actually be picked. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone who was selected for a jury- but then, I count amongst my friends a high number of lawyers and book throwers. She was picked- for a case involving sexual assault of a minor. I don't know details of the case- and I'm not sure I want to unless, after the case is over it will help her process. Given the nature of the crime she will be rendering judgement on- and the psychological/psychosomatic impacts it may have, we decided tonight it would be better to not inseminate this cycle. I'm some mix of relieved and let down. There is something thrilling about seeing the ovulation line on the OPK and the third bar on the CBE monitor, followed by the excited call to the doctors office. On the other hand, I'm relieved to not have to confront a potential negative ending for another month as well- or the thought of the 6 to 10 k cost of IVF later down the road. We have one more vial of our hunky East Indian Scotsman on ice- just waiting for another chance for success.

What good things happened to you today?

The universe said it had a different plan

Well, the universe didn't accept my plea. Rather than giving it the finger, I'm going to take the view that it is telling me to wait for a greater plan.

As we sit here, eating our favorite trashy supper of 2 cans of Ranch Style beans mixed with a can of Ro*tel, lightly sprinkled with cheese, we are on day 3 of our next IUI. If this doesn't work, we'll move on to plan b- IVF for her, with my ova. I'm scared of the drugs, the expense, and of not having a baby genetic Janet in this world- but I'm happy that we have options. We have plenty of options, which I suppose is why, 8 months of negative tests later, we are still positive.

A co-worker and friend suddenly passed away last weak, taking me back to one of my core principles: Life is precious- treat it with care, humility, and respect. We can't let an unfulfilled want ruin our ability to appreciate what we already have, which is a life full of laughter, joy, learning, family, friends, art, altruism...I could go on.

Amsale Berhanu- you were a light in this world. I am thankful to have learned so much from you.

1 IUI down...

...13 days of fertilization and cell splitting to go.

Thanks to playing musical meetings at work, I couldn't be there for the big squirt. Apparently she had not 3, but 4 well developed and beautiful follicles raring to go.

We've decided to go the way of the paranoid and cut out all alcohol from this two week wait. It couldn't hurt and in the end, makes going to dinner much less expensive :c) It was rather odd going to the Stars hockey game last night and not drinking beer.

Speaking of hockey last night- I experienced two firsts. I had never been in a corporate box at the American Airlines Center and I had never been to a Stars game where they actually won! 10-2 against the NY Rangers. Go Stars! It was much like watching a ranked college team play a high school team. I was rather sad for the Rangers once it was 8-2.

It is tax time people! We received our refunds on Friday and already have them spent, at least on a spreadsheet.

To do:
Have relevant legal documents drafted, including but not limited to:
Wills, powers of attorney
Have windshield replaced on car
During last weeks Dallas ice storm, a small chip in my windshield turned into a crack that runs all the way from drivers side to passenger side
Full service on both cars, potentially new tires/breaks on the SUV
Full vet workups on all the animals
Supplement emergency fund

Just out of curiosity, do you, like me, use your refund on the elephants in the room that you know need to be taken care off, but that take a couple of months to afford, or do you use it for fun stuff like vacation, day trading accounts, etc?

I'm a spazz, comments to the universe

First of all, if you know me in RL, you know that I'm a royal pain in the ass when I want or need something done. I remember details and typically have a magic data collection spreadsheet in my head that can be used to drop a bomb in a moments notice. It's what makes me good at my job AND a terror to deal with. Unfortunately or fortunately, I approach the TTC journey with this same fervor and tracking.

My heads magic spreadsheet is plagued by the outlier that is Janet's cycle this month. If I were to create a Pareto chart of her day of ovulation, it would firmly show centralized points on days 9-11 and not fit the bell AT ALL- there were no outliers. This month is trying to push me over the edge. We decided to not do baseline sonograms this month because of her predictable ovulation, reliable follicle development and consistently perfect lining. Bad plan. Bad Bad plan. This was the month where we didn't detect ovulation on day 10 or day 11- or day 12 or or or. You get the picture. While it is her body, I'm the one that turns into a wreck when things don't go per my magic spreadsheet. I finally freaked out enough today to call our favorite doctors office and to give in on the sonogram- in fact, I was willing to beg/grovel for a sonogram.

Ladies and gents- she just called post sonogram. She has three beautiful follicles and has definitely not yet ovulated. She's on her way to pick up a trigger shot (Ovidril) and will ask her co-worker K (an extraordinary nurse and one of our best friends) to stick her as soon as she walks back into the office. We will go in for the IUI on Saturday morning!

Now for notes to the universe:

Dear Universe,

While I understand that the statistics are against us, we've defied the odds before. Who would have thought that a woman from Texas would meet a woman from Florida thanks to a last minute training class the Texas woman was asked to attend. Who would have thought that they would have been seated next to one another. Who would have known that their in class smart alec comments would later blossom into a cross state romance. Who would have thought that the cross state romance would actually last and turn into a home and a marriage based on mutual trust, support, respect and admiration.

Universe and fate, you've worked for us before- please help us make a baby, against the odds.

Vacation!

I just booked a mini vacation for us to D.C. from March 18th through the 22nd! I love love love to play tourist there. So far, this will be one of the least expensive mini vacations ever. I used the last of my U.S. Air miles for our flights and booked a 4 star hotel on priceline for $90 a night (Omni Shoreham). The TripAdvisor reviews are pretty decent and its about a block from a metro stop. I don't think we will get a car because one of the things that I've loved most about being in D.C. for work in the past has been the public transportation.

So, we will be on vacation in D.C. and hopefully, MBW will be fighting off morning sickness while we're there. I think that's a pretty odd thing to wish for- but I'm pretty sure MBW would agree!

So far, on my list of places I would like to visit, pending MBW's agreement (along with the usual Smithsonian's):

The Newseum
The Capital Steps- the make me roll over laughing

What else might be off the beaten path? Recommendations?

Just because I'm still in a mood...

The email I received from two different reps from CAR:

Thank you so much for contacting the Center for Assisted Reproduction. We do treat same-sex females who wish to become pregnant using donor sperm with IVF as well as IUI. However, we do not treat patients using a gestational carrier for social reasons. We only use that treatment when it is medically necessary (when the woman does not have a uterus or cannot carry a pregnancy. Therefore, we would treat either you or your partner using donor sperm. However, our clinic policy would not allow either partner to donate eggs to the other. Please let us know if you have additional questions or concerns. We wish you the best of luck!

My response:

Thank you for your previous responses. I'm trying to better digest those responses so would appreciate your response to the below.
My partner is 44, soon to be 45 . It was judged that she has less than a minimal likelihood of pregnancy with her own eggs. Our doctor recommended that she pursue pregnancy through donor eggs.

Per your website: http://www.donoregginfo.com/html/recipients/faq.html

What features are important in selecting an egg donor?Ideally, the donor should be a woman less than age 30 who is anon-smoker, has no history of prior infertility herself, is of normal body weight, and has an unremarkable medical and genetic history. A known donor between the ages of 30 and 35 may be selected by the couple if she is a suitable candidate. Assessment of the donor's ovarian reserve with antral follicle count and ovarian volumes by ultrasound are used as predictive tests for both anonymous and known egg donors.

It appears that if my partner were my friend, and I met your normal egg donor assessment (I'm 27, with normal test results as outlined above), I could donate to her. However, because she is my domestic/same sex partner, I cannot.

Please validate this distinction. My friend is also considering an egg donor and I would like to know if your policy would preclude me from donating to her, should I meet the criteria.

Needless to say, I haven't heard back yet. I should probably drop this, but I feel the point needs to be made. If they are going to refer to one situation as utilizing a gestational carrier (Same sex partner) and simply a donor egg situation for another (friend), I would appreciate it if they would just admit that they have a social bias.

:::End Negativity:::

On a positive note, the fertility monitor went up to the two bar mark today, so we know that yet another opportunity for a miracle is in the works. My wife is an amazing, positive, laid back and warm person. I'm so lucky that she wanted to go and continues to go on this journey with me. We are both so lucky to also have found support and help at UTSW with Dr. Wilson and the rest of the staff at the clinic.

Long A$$ Post

The "state of the business" is fine. Dr. Wilson didn't have any concerns about me donating eggs to MBW. She did know that they couldn't do it there due to legal paperwork- I don't think they handle donor eggs at all, regardless of same sex couples. She initially referred me to Dr. Doody's Clinic- The Center for Assisted Reproduction, because he also practices at UTSW. Jennifer, Dr. Wilson's nurse (and the best nurse EVER!), called me this morning to let me know that Dr. Wilson had talked to Dr. Doody and they will not take us for "social reasons". I'm horrified, pissed, and feeling a bit activist. They are willing to allow single women to use donor eggs, but god forbid it be a same sex couple.

Luckily, Jennifer recommended another clinic- Dr. Sy Le of Advanced Reproductive Care Center of Irving. I called their office and asked up front if they had issues working with same sex couples. The immediate response was "absolutely not". I was very relieved and look forward to making an appointment there.

Now to the prior issue. In Texas, unlike California, I'm not sure if we have any legal recourse. Janet is calling a friend who is a lawyer and professor, we will see what happens. I'm also going to contact the Dallas Voice and every other venue at my disposal to convey the discrimination.

Meal of the Week, 1/25/09

I missed last week, call me lazy, so, you're getting a classic clean out the refrigerator meal at our house.

For your viewing pleasure- "Clean out the fridge" Split Pea Soup

Key ingredients:

1 bag split peas

1 bag cubed ham

96 oz's chicken broth

Things I needed to clean out of the fridge:

Half a bag of baby carrots, chopped

6+ shallots, chopped

4 stalks of celery, chopped

6+ baby bella mushrooms

Hopefully this won't horrify anyone, but this is my method of making the soup:

On medium high, heat broth, split peas, and ham. As I chopped them, I added the "clean out the fridge ingredients". I simmered for 1.5 hours and added salt and pepper to taste.

I would normally include a cocktail recipe, but this one was enjoyed with water. We had the pleasure of joining MBW's parents for a wine and cheese lunch, so we decided to keep to the spirit of moderation for dinner!

Still Negative/Still Positive

Just checked 'the stick' and it is negative again. Not devastating, at least not yet. We both still have hope and are not ready to give up on my eggs but it is, at the very least, disappointing. On the bright side, we have another opportunity to try again in a few weeks!

I have never looked forward to my period, most women don't (unless they are hoping they are not pregnant). Looking forward to the cramping, blotting, bleeding and slightly more sensitive feelings seems so ass-backward. But I definitely look forward to it and surprisingly she does too.

We want more then a baby, we want a family. I have always thought when I heard a young women say she wants a baby that she is not thinking about the bigger picture. They have a baby, then a toddler, then a child, then a pre-teen, then a teen - well, you get the picture. Maybe I am just cynical (or jealous), but I have thought about this for a long time. Now that my head and my heart are in the right place my body thinks I am several days late and a many dollars short.

Thank goodness I have Meredith, an incredible family and wonderful friends. I thought I wanted/needed this to be a private journey but as evidenced by Meredith publishing a blog, it's not! I am not accustomed to sharing my feelings with a lot of people, let alone the 'world wide web', but I am growing more comfortable with each and every word. Hopefully next month, which is probably as often as I will write (sorry Meredith), we will have great news. I can't wait to be uncomfortable and miserable and get an 8th chance at having our baby!

Off to the doctors office

I'm off to the doctors office this morning to find out how my reproductive system is working. A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS- 10% of the female population have it, so I'm not going to moan about it, but it is a pain in my desiring-to-reproduce-a$$

So the mission today:

• Determine the overall state of the "business"
• Determine, if stimulated with the right drugs, if the "business" will produce viable ova, ripe for MBW's usage
• Determine if UTSW will do the deed or if we are going to have to go to the baby making business in Bedford

Things I know:

• I'm 10 lbs heavier than the last time I went in
• I'm no longer on BCP's

On good notes:

• We are invited to our dear friends' home for an evening of Weight Watchers friendly food
• We still have an opportunity for a positive pregnancy test tonight or tomorrow]

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Friday!